The last time I stared into your eyes, you asked me why I was about to cry. I’m answering now, it was because I knew you were leaving and saying goodbye. But… when you truly love someone then distance only occurs in the mind, not the heart. Miles can’t stop what we have. It’s a bond that lasts after everything has seemed to have gone and left us alone. Even if it’s one of us who does the leaving. We both know that we will be together again soon. But for now I will have to be content knowing that I can still love you from a distance, and this makes every minute I spent in your arms seem more important.
I want to cry so much these days because I miss you. The pain of your not being here is unbearable. I look at pictures of us from times gone by. We were so happy, not a care in the world and everything was perfect. I didn’t love you yet so I didn’t know how hard it would be the future to let you go. “If I had,” I ask myself, “Would I have continued seeing you? No matter how much I knew it would hurt?” The only thing that comes to mind is the answer, “Yes!” It was worth it… all of it. Good, bad, happy, sad! ALL! I hope to God that you’re happy where you are. You left me when we were both so young. So new at this thing called love. We had so much more to explore.
I think of how many times you told me you loved me and start to break down and cry. Only because I wish that I could hear you say it one more time. And maybe… just maybe I could say it back again. People used to tell us that we were too young and didn’t know a thing about love. “It won’t last!” they’d tell us. Well fancy that, it did. We may not have had very long to try it out, but for as long as we had it did last. And it would have and will last forever.
I always wondered how people could say that it wouldn’t even last if you love each other. “That feeling goes away,” they said. How do you stop loving someone? You don’t, you can’t. If your love wasn’t strong enough to last through anything then it was never really love. That’s what I came up with. We did last thought anything and everything. Even death.
I’ve come to except the fact that you are gone from your earthly body, but not from my heart. You’ll never leave there. And I hope I will never leave yours. You used to tell me that I wouldn’t. My heart is holding you to me while my soul knows I need to let you go. I’ll join you one day then I’ll once again hold you close, but not now. Knowing I have to let go, I have one more thing to say. I’m not one to come in grip with reality so it was hard for me to understand that you were not coming back. To make this easier, I decided to write you this letter. So I’ll write it and nothing more. Here it is…
I love you and goodbye.
Nickolas Gene Carter