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Friday, 14 November 2003

Dwelling on Freakishness


Now Playing: Foo Fighters: 'Tired of You'

Blogging on the tube -- cripes, I hope no-one reads over my shoulder.

Was ranking people on the platform by height and width. I do this whenever I'm wearing stilettos. Heels tip me just over six feet tall, so I tend to amuse myself by crowing about the fact; stalking about the place trying deliberately to clatter past short people.
(Politically correct is 'petite' is it not? Petite makes me think of Sindy-size. If I were below five foot, frankly I'd prefer to be 'stunted' than 'petite'.)

It struck me that whenever I see a tall good-looking bloke and a short woman, I can't help but imagine sexual congress occurring between the two.
Similarly, walking past really really short but foxy chicks. It's quite an involuntary reaction to try to judge their lofty bearing against the height of my minge. It's a little like the reflex response when you see a really stereotypically introverted minging person, you always imagine snogging them.
Go on, try to contradict me - you know it's true. The more Elephant Man the features, the more 'trapped in a prison of my unreal skin' their haunted eyes look, the more the sudden mental snoggage occurs.

Might explain why I've not taken that hot Luis Guzman DVD back to the shop yet, then.

This page graced by sarsparilla at 4:56 PM GMT
Updated: Friday, 14 November 2003 4:58 PM GMT
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Friday, 14 November 2003 - 5:17 PM GMT

Name: Kat
Home Page: http://www.mostlyfluff.blogspot.com

Well, here's a visual for you: I'm 5'5" and my husband is 6'7". I just climb up, and slide all the way back down...

Friday, 14 November 2003 - 5:21 PM GMT

Name: jatb
Home Page: https://www.angelfire.com/blog/tabitha/jatb

Imagining sexual congress between a tall person and a short one - yes; snogging the minging - no! I am, despite my own shortcomings, a body fascist and I only imagine snogging the beautiful. And tall. And broad shouldered.

Hmm. You possibly didn't need to have all of that information...

Friday, 14 November 2003 - 5:25 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Heh, I didn't mean I'd go into a lengthy lascivious reverie, I meant a sort of horrified tactile fascination develops, before you've really realised what's going in your head. You realise and you check yourself, instantly.

And of course, then you look furtively around the carriage, hoping that no-one just had the same nasty shock about you.

Friday, 14 November 2003 - 7:15 PM GMT

Name: sarah
Home Page: http://nytoo.rumandmonkey.com

I do the short-tall person thing too. I keep trying to work out if she can go down on him standing up, but I'm crude like that.

Also, out of the 6 barmaids in the local pub, 5 of them are leggy buxom blondes and the sixth is a grungy, spotty, ginger indie-rock lass. And I cannot think about doing indecent things with any of them except her. It's most puzzling, but then again, she did admit she plays hockey.

Friday, 14 November 2003 - 7:28 PM GMT

Name: paul
Home Page: http://noxturne.blogspot.com

Speaking from the land of the short people as I do, I have to admit that tall women either intimidate me or make me angry. If women shorter than me don't want me, and yes, even 5 footers want a man 6 and up, then what chance have I got with a woman over my height? I'll tell you, between jack and shit and jack left town.

As for the ugly sex, no. I never do that. Only the most beautiful get my sex. The ugly, I usually attempt to imagine how best to fix their fucked up faces.

Friday, 14 November 2003 - 7:48 PM GMT

Name: tess
Home Page: http://www.tessb.blogspot.com

Vic commented that you really can't be blamed for imagining us having *sexual congress* lol. I never, ever imagine myself snogging mingers. I've done enought of that in my life to force myself to imagine any further horrors of that type.

Friday, 14 November 2003 - 8:08 PM GMT

Name: The Rev
Home Page: http://friendlystranger.servebeer.com/blog

THIS is why I read other people's blogs. It's great fun and, more importantly, it allows you to broaden your slang vocabulary. Being, as I am, trapped in the 'By-God South' (anything below Maryland and East of the Mississippi), such colorful slang as "minger" is not normally heard in polite, impolite, slurred, or really any type of conversation. Yes, I admit that I even had to go to ye olde Urban Dictionary to prove my assumptions correct.
So, what have I learned today? Women stand on the platforms of subways (erm... TUBES... excuse me) and stare at the ugly people (mingers) and wonder what it's like to slap tonsils (snog). Yes, my life has been thoroughly enriched.

Friday, 14 November 2003 - 9:57 PM GMT

Name: Looby

I saw a couple on one of those property programmes where Proper Men come in and do your minge, I mean, your kitchen, and he was about 6ft 6 and she was very small. I leapt to the same imagery as you. But then, not everyone does it in the missionary style do they?

That Adrienne Rich poem was great. The bit about clothes in stagnant coils and an open suitcase ready for flight was very good. Thought of you there.

Saturday, 15 November 2003 - 11:49 AM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Me too!
And the looking for something, unable to refuse to do something ... oh I can't remember the other line that appealed, I'm going to have to read it again. I did print it out but gave my copy to Swansea john yesterday, whether he liked it or not.

Saturday, 15 November 2003 - 3:00 PM GMT

Name: cacoa
Home Page: http://cacoapulpii.blogspot.com

oh i can be just the same, makes me feel guilty! human nature i guess

Saturday, 15 November 2003 - 5:37 PM GMT

Name: yidaho
Home Page: http://www.yidaho.com/mt

Oh, it's the couples I wonder at.. the criminally ugly couples and the size mismatches. Especially those that involve a tiny little man and a big woman - This conjures up mental images that can only be compared to a gasping fish 'flip-flopping' whilst stranded on a large rock.

Saturday, 15 November 2003 - 11:58 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

That was ..... more graphic than I'd imagined so far... ;-)

Saturday, 15 November 2003 - 11:59 PM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Indie rock girls are generally more fanciable, though. It's the difference between the good hard Revels and the crap orange centre Revels.

Sunday, 16 November 2003 - 12:00 AM GMT

Name: Vanessa

How can it not be your problem if you don't like tall women, though? Loads of my female friends are tall and leggy, and none of them exclusively date lanky beanpole guys.

Sunday, 16 November 2003 - 12:02 AM GMT

Name: Vanessa

I don't think you have that much of a height differential, do you? Anyway, after you did the Congress in my spare bed, I could hardly help but visualise it for days..... ;D

Sunday, 16 November 2003 - 12:04 AM GMT

Name: Vanessa

What, even the imaginary snogging uglybugs? Cor, and I had you down as one of those estimable thoroughly nice persons, too. Tee hee.

Sunday, 16 November 2003 - 12:04 AM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Snnnnnn! I returned the favour...

Sunday, 16 November 2003 - 12:05 AM GMT

Name: Vanessa

fmc only ever bonks big men, in case they 'break'.

Sunday, 16 November 2003 - 11:35 PM GMT

Name: jatb

Oh but I enjoy a lengthy lascivious reverie. It makes travelling by tube a lot more bearable.

Monday, 17 November 2003 - 12:14 AM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Spectacles! You'll be ashamed when you see them in focus.

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