2:15 AM

Wednesday, April 30, 2003  
what could be better than listening to bebo norman on your discman and staring into the bigbluesky? well, spending an evening listening to him in person.

bebo at bromsgrove
this was the experience of a lifetime. and its timing was superb as well (hmm, i qualify that.. my essay was kinda held up! hah). i had my backpack on, just about to go out and do the laundry, when grace called, asking me if i liked bebo norman.. strange question i thought.. then she told me that he was in town (near birmingham) and a few mates and her were going to his little gig.. she asked if i was keen too coz she heard from audrey how much i liked bebo.. i was like......... *fill in the blank* perhaps what makes this amazing is also due to the fact that just last night i had looked at caedmon's call tour schedule and wondered to myself when a good christian band would ever come to england! they were always touring around the states (well, their homeland anyway..) later, claire, who drove us there and claims she has a school-gal crush on bebo, said she'd discovered about the concert just the night before. miraculous coincidence, don't you think?

the setting was quite cosy and atmospheric.. nice little chapel at bromsgrove school.. with the lights all dimmed and rows of candles across the bench ledges.. enveloping us with the warmth of folk-music and God.. bebo looked different in person! i think people always do... and yes, american accent!! haha.. well, he's from georgia and he claims that his name and classic 'y'all' (he said it about 5 times?) are the casualties of that! the thing that strikes me most about bebo is his candour, humour and his sensitivity. he didn't perform many songs-- i guess coz of the time factor and because he wasn't about to promote himself but share something special thru' his music.. says he has a bad habit of talking too much.. funny fact: he tiptoes to tune his guit! it was good to hear the banter between him and his friend (playing a bit with him) and to hear him share his experiences and his heart..
12:33 AM

 
.. his story about wallif, a child he sponsored through compassion international, and the brazilian people was touching.. even though he couldnt communicate in the same tongue with this 5-year old kid, it made the whole experience even more special.. where two human beings enjoyed each other through profound emotional bonding.. and he said he learnt a lot from wallif and co. who taught him about living.. our joy is very often circumstantial but in the throes of poverty, wallif and his people's joy was the simple joy of being alive. wow.. he went on to sing great light of the world, the song inspired by that experience. his sharing added much depth to the song and you could really feel him crying out to God as he sang. the evening ended quite appropriately with the hammer holds-- the song that first introduced me to bebo norman. remember playing this track on repeat mode in the dark of the night back home, shedding tears on the pillow.. well, guess i've come full circle! but the message was still very much alive.. and what i needed to hear. this task before me, it seems unclear.. but our Maker holds.. as bebo's voice trailed off, tears welled up in my eyes.. it was an amazing evening-- one i wish had gone on forever.

and no, i do not have a school-gal crush on bebo.

12:20 AM

Tuesday, April 29, 2003  
plastic bag floating in the wind, a la american beauty.. that's what greeted me on my return to tocil..walking the dirt path.. i stood beholding the scene before me..how an empty bag looked so full, so free, floating in the wind.. how a costcutter carrier bag was carried off the limits of the earth to meet the bigbluesky.. how there is grace that transcends fraility.. how there is beauty in the lesser being lifted.. about 30 metres away, the bag ended its magical journey and was plucked from the lower air by a vaguely amused student. i made it past the dirt path, stood still with hands in pockets, and smiled.
4:34 PM

 
the reason why i feel held back from service or from surpassing the norms is the fear of the unknown and fear of failure. fear is the opposite of faith. i really thank God for awakening my faith again.. it seemed like the Holy Spirit just breathed in me ever since my waking moments of this day.. faith.. faith in the faithful One. the stories (true stories) of how He's worked in my life, in the lives of those around me (ruth, i will always remember your mr. pootie.. providence.), in the lives of people just like us.. made me cry in grateful amazement and stirs the flame within.

great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.. (strains of a traditional hymn)

morning by morning i wake up to find
the power and comfort of God's hand in mine
season by season i watch Him amazed
in awe of the mystery of His perfect ways

all i have needed His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me

i can't remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
i can't remember one single regret
in serving God only and trusting His hand

all i have needed His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me

this is my anthem
this is my song
the theme of the stories i've heard for so long
God has been faithful He will be again
His loving compassion it knows no end

all i have needed His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me
4:13 PM

Monday, April 28, 2003  
a typical corridor conversation before top b (top banana-- cheesy pop union night):

"oh that's a really nice top. oh nicole i really love your top."
"do these shoes go? this pair or this one?... o, i need another skirt.."
"no, don't change it.. it's really nice..."
"it's wierd.."
"o c'mon jenny, it's really nice.. look, u look really good.."
"no... i think it's funny.."
"o....this is really nice.. i love your shoes.."
"thank you!!"
"c'mon guys, it's getting really late.. get your ** outta here!!"
"la-la-la"
10:20 PM

 


on being a lamppost

hmm. had quite a strange yet powerful dream last night, i mean, this morning.. moments before i woke up. set the alarm at 10.10, so that i could get up a bit earlier to flip thru' pearl for the translation test.. answering my guilty conscience. well, what do u expect? i switched off the siren (no exaggeration!) promptly and stumbled back into bed.. it was one of those sleeps which are so satisying-- so deep yet i could still curiously tell myself how much i was enjoying it. anyway, started to wander into dreamland again.. dreamt i was sitting for some sort of test (wonder where that idea came from?)..but it wasn't about middle english.. i had a blank piece of paper and a pen(cil?) and was supposed to write down the attributes of God from A-Z. can no longer recall exactly what i wrote down.. but it seemed as if whatever i wrote stirred me greatly on the inside.. as if it gave me the strength and courage for the test that was to come.. (part of my semi-conscious state remembered the translation test) the being of God stirred my inner being.. knowing who He is gave me the strength, and assurance of faith.. then it dawned on me that i should try meditating on the character of God for my quiet time (time to seek God)! started with 'A' today: Absolute, Amazing, Awesome, Almighty, Alpha & Omega, AND (inspired by waterdeep song), Able and Above all!! i have the help of a cool book, God from A-Z.. drew some of those attributes from it. God really is Amazing.. and as i meditated on some bible verses that demonstrated the attributes, i felt them sink in deeply and hit right home..to the heart, the spirit. "We cannot imagine the power of the Almighty, yet He is so just and merciful that He does not oppress us."-- job 37:23 (new living translation) to think that God who hates evil could have wiped us--this sin-sick planet--all out but no he doesnt! and sends april showers to remind us of his living mercies day by day.
10:07 PM

 
had afternoon tea with becky today.. er, actually just ice-water..(it's the best drink on this planet!) lovely catching up after the easter break. she was telling me about christians in sport, this organisation/movement she learnt about thru' spring harvest seminar. she was asking me what i thought about setting up a bible-study support group for the footy team.. an unintrusive place where people in the team can learn about the bible, God and christian principles in sport.. hopefully, for non-C too.. now, this was exciting news to hear but i don't know why i wasn't all that excited? i mean, it's always been my dream to connect people to God thru' sport, soccer.. in a formal and organised way too.. and i wasn't sure how it was going to come about? but now as becky shares.. i was challenged in my faith and vision.. where had the passion gone? had i relinquished a bit of my dream? and i want to make a difference, u know, help people, help the needy, do something for world issues.. but why am i not really getting out there to do it? sigh, there are many things, it's hard to share fully.. and dreams.. i need to retrieve them from the dust.


make the most of every opportunity..living as the wise do.. for the days are evil-- eph 5.
10:07 PM

 

it's been drizzling quite a bit recently. it just clicked that these are april showers! but before i compain, let me recall that wonderful lyric from les mis.. and rain will make the flowers grow. the following song, april showers, is by caedmon's call. wonderfully gifted band with a perceptive edge. check out da meaning of this song if you don't already get it!

Like April showers on the slick cement
When I consider how our light is spent
Keeping the candles inside the cathedral
Hold on tight, Don't go into the night
So full of evil

Rain rain don't go away
We need you this dry and dusty day
Rain rain don't go away
Though some may say please go away

Like the April Showers on the slick cement
And the roads once straight have now become so bent
Weaving through the trees of vain security
Rounding round the hard rocks of hard morality

And the sacred cows
Feed on the green
While the least of these
Are dying on the streets
And they're crying...
3:07 AM

 
i am brimming with excitement at the prospect of sitting for a translation test i have hardly studied for. part of me feels guilty for not trying hard, and another says never mind since this is an unassessed test and it might not make a huge difference whether i studied hard or hardly but smart. i don't quite take to the idea of being tested on my ability to memorise middle english words. i guess coz they want us to read chaucer and the middle eng. poets in their unadulterated forms.. oh well, to me that is not really necessary. oh, another idea dawns. maybe there are more such texts in store for our 2nd and 3rd years and that's why they're laying the foundation now? noooooo.

finding common ground with people is so vital to the negotiation of a relationship and it's not as hard as it first appears to be. there is a lot of common ground that we imperfect humans tread on daily. i remember one reason why i wanted to come to england to study was the desire to see evidence of our common humanity in our diversity. i knew it was there at the back of my mind, but i just had to experience it for myself. today my mind wandered back to a time in junior college, to an image, that for me, touchingly encapsulated our humanity. the grouchy, black-face librarian (hwa-chongnians would know) who hardly smiled or spoke kindly..slowly walking down the greyish stairs, presumably heading home after a day's work..she retrieves her old-model nokia phone (i think), checking for messages or perhaps looking at the missed call or switching the mode from silent to normal.. it may seem like nothing, but i will never forget this scene. at the time i saw it, my heart just swelled in profound pity. not merely for her, but for us all.. that image was a seemingly nonchalent showcase of our frailty. further examples? how about that day when the fiesty mp choked before all parliment? or a few hours ago when i gobbled down my dinner like one who hadn't eaten for days, or one without table manners! we are constantly reminded of our humanity.. so what? ..so we need the Divine.
1:13 AM

Sunday, April 27, 2003  

there is beauty in simplicity.. freshness in the ordinary. went to church for the first time in three long weeks.. and God graciously spoke to me about many things, as if to make up for the 3 weeks without being in church! thank U Lord. (by the way, when we say Lord, is it all too often merely a form of address more than our heart's confession?) He spoke freshly of the familiar-- things i'd taken for granted. as usual, went to church without breakfast (because i usually tumble out of bed 10-15min before meeting time) and felt a little hungry halfway through. then i prayed that God would fill my hunger with His Word and that He'd silence my growling tummy.. which was amazing coz He did while i paid attention to the pastor. it was only when i started to think, "why am i not feeling hungry?", that the pang of hunger hit home again. oops. guess it's kinda like peter walking on water, about turning your eyes upon jesus. looking back, i think my mini-essay on friendship was probably one of my more depressing entries.. haha. i dunno, i feel very thankful now for all His blessings, for the pattern He is weaving in our lives.. sometimes God's gotta jerk you back to realise how you are so blessed. the good thing about misery is its exaggeration.. and the shimmer of its silver lining.
5:13 PM

Saturday, April 26, 2003  

sometimes, i'm like fluffy.
6:02 PM

Friday, April 25, 2003  
kim and i have decided to hold regular cook-outs-- perhaps twice each week? what took us so long to come to this? but it should be swell. cooking for two's much easier than cooking for one when it comes to buying and storage of food and final pay-off for all the effort! and it'd be swell coz we can offer each other prayer support and fellowship too. remember, if you (dear reader) have any prayer requests, just let me know!!

8:05 PM

 
i just got my baby today-- a babe of a camera: the sony cybershot dsc-p72! a 3.2 megapix one..just what i need to overcome the problem of weak resolution on my video cam. maybe i was a bit impulsive in buying it now? but sure hope it'd serve me well..this amateur photographer! (hope to go for a photography course back home but am so afraid that i'd feel forced to upgrade again! maybe not just yet!!)

as i sit and type, i feel like i'm in a middle of a forest. (no, i don't quite mean the scattered piles of notes and books on my desk) for the first time since making my home here, i see the trees before me quite amply decorated with tiny green leaves. call me slow, i just noticed it today! that's how well we are into spring. and it seems as if they just sprung up while i was sleeping last night, or while i was hidden behind the curtain, buried in work or technology. it's so green, my eyes are not used to it! a lavish sprinkling of green-- is that what the fullness of life is about? :) restoration come, breathe new life in me (parachute band again). right, i'm keeping my curtains drawn to the side for inspiration's sake.
7:58 PM

 
jen's top three bread spreads of the moment:

3)peanut butter and honey: traditonal favourite. this potent blend causes the honey to taste grainy and yummy. or is it the peanut butter that's granified by the honey? or do both spreads do it to the bread? tough questions, tough questions.

2)light soft cheese and strawberry jam: discovered this thanks to my german friend ellen who once made me eat hard german bread which i didn't exactly relish. she made me some soft cheese and jam bread before she left for germany (for good!). awww...

1)sunflower margarine and honey: rightfully at the top of the list. though it must be said that toasting the bread's the method here! nimble fingers needed to pinch the toast fresh from the toaster and spread it generously with healthy margarine (not butter!).. shouldn't wait for the bread to cool because the effect is lost that way. just as the butter, oops, i mean margarine, starts to melt, spread a little honey evenly. behold this piece of toast transformed into a swirling lake of gooey delight. you may even want to fold the toast in half and watch the warm liquid ooze out. take a hearty bite into crunchy goodness.

(no apologies for making you hungry!)
1:44 AM