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Tuesday, August 31, 2004
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How 'bout that blog..
Time and time again I wish I ran a popular, widely read blog that I could update twice a day with interesting facts, cool high-res pictures, and lots of links. But I don't. I just have my life, and I guess I will have to make do with that. The great thing though about it is that I don't have to update every day. I could, but then I would end up with many, many crappy posts, and only a few good ones. I'd rather have a small base of good work, instead of a large base of mostly bad work. I wish I had updated before this, but I haven't been in the right state of mind to do so. I do apologize to all my avid readers out there. Now, on with the blogging. Since Thursday I've been through alot, mostly hidden depression. It's been awhile since I've really been depressed, due to the fact that I have been avoiding catalysts of it for many months, but it pounced down on me right at the last minute, right when I thought I was out of it's reach. It has dampened my experience at UMBC so far, but I am getting out of it. I began my outreach today when I met the first people whose names I actually remember. I saw Pat, Alex, and Jake outside tossing a disc around, so I quickly joined them and learned alot about the ultimate team here at UMBC. I have intentions of showing up for a meeting, but I doubt I will be able to do anything full time. If the session told me anything, it was that I need to start running again. I had -no- endurance at all playing ultimate, but I think with some running, I'll be fine. After a quick shower, Jake and I headed over to dinner. Jake's a cool guy, a runner, an ultimate player, and a motivated, focused quasi-Christian. He's the first person I've actually met, disregarding my roomate. I'm glad I've met Jake, and I hope that it's only the begining of a long, fun first semester at college. As far as the move-in went, it was fine. As far as the orientation stuff goes, it's boring. As far as my roomate goes, he's awesome. Well, I say that he's awesome, but he is sitting right next to me, and if he were to see me writing anything else, he would probably bite me. And yes, he has bitten me before, and I don't doubt that he would do it again. He's a great guy, I swear. About my room, my suitemates, and the hall, I'll put pictures up whenever I find a digital camera to steal. College's been pretty bland up to this point, but it's picking up. I'm actually looking forward to Wedensday and getting into the real swing of things. Only one more day to chill out, then things really get started. When I was contemplating what to write for this paragraph (like 30 seconds ago, because I don't plan these posts) I realized that it's been exactly a week since my whole life got totally flipped around, and I realized that not only the past four months, but the past four years had not been totally devoid of meaning. It did take four years, but it was worth every day for the pay off. Anyway, to help myself come to terms with the real me, and to help myself let go of an attraction that just isn't going to happen right now, I was going to compose a story I thought of a couple weeks ago, but never wrote it down. Now that I think about it, I don't like the story very much. I'll come up with something clever later, don't worry. For now, I think it's time to work on Wrist Mounted Rockets. Now Playing: Live @ Club Sensation - Trance[]Control |
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Saturday, August 28, 2004
From UrbanDictionary's definition of metrosexual:
"It's like that joke that the perfect man is gay...well, in today's world the PERFECT man is an open METROSEXUAL" You gotta love being perfect. |
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Thursday, August 26, 2004
The best day EVAR
Pay no more mind to what you think you've seen It's as they do only Say what they say 'Cause there's only one way They-Say Vision It takes you back to just where you want Like when you ain't know no way That song has been stuck in my head since Tuesday. It's really faced paced and fun to sing, even if you don't know the lyrics. Anyway, today (technically yesterday) has been one of the most amazing days of my entire life, and I don't regret a single second of it. Here's whats been going on today. I woke up at 6:45 to my dog barking, having hit my snooze alarm one too many times, as usual. Pam had come to pick me up so we could head up to Messiah and I was, as it always ends up happening, not wearing a shirt. I quickly clothed myself and ran out the door, grabbing just a Pepsi for morning sustenance. I hopped into 'The Beast' and we were off for our hour long trek up to Pennsylvania. Pam and I had a decent conversation which was, well, none of your business, so don't worry about it. When we actually arrived at Messiah, we realized that we were a smidge too early, since they were still setting up orientation stuff as we got there. So instead of sit around, Pam gave me a mini-tour of the packed and tucked away campus in the woods. As we where going back to her car to grab her important papers and the such, Kim pulls up right next to us, with her sister and mom. Blessed by the presence of more familiars, the group headed off to begin being oriented. After going through the whole four step orientation process and seeing Erin somewhere along the way, Pam and I broke away from Kim and her family to go get her moved in. About halfway through unpacking, we get a ring from KP and Jessi, marking their arrival at the campus. They joined us for the rest of the unpacking and the rest of the days randomness. We unpacked, met Pam's roomate, and set up some of her stuff, when Steve and some of his friends met up with us, entertaining people to say the least. The rest of the day consisted of visiting other people's dorms, wandering around to check out stuff, saying goodbyes, and finally ended somewhere after I woke up, on Pam's bed. Jessi, KP, and I said goodbye to Pam and went home, 3 hours later than planned. My lack of sleep from the night before was made up at this point, because I cried myself to sleep in the back of KP's car on the way home. Saying goodbye sucks, but leaving Pam was even worse. By the time I got back home though, I was feeling slightly refreshed. I rolled in at about 8 and immediately made myself ready to see Gillian downtown. I might be really sad, but she really didn't deserve to see me for the first time in a year in the state that I was in. After a nice shower, some dinner, and a little prettying up, I was ready to take the ride downtown. My mom drove me down, and I waited at Barnes & Noble for her arrival. One of the things that I really need to work on is giving complements to girls when I am thinking them, and they deserve them. I can never seem to bring myself to do it, as much as I would like to sometimes. The first thing I thought when I saw Gillian was that she looked amazing, which she did. She looked really nice, and seeing her instantly pulled me out of the deep rut I had been in since leaving Messiah. Due to unavoidable circumstances, I only got to be with her for less than an hour, but I did get to meet her way cool parents, and there wasn't a dull moment the entire time. After saying bidding farewell to her and her parents, I walked on over to the light rail to call my mom and await my ride home. The lightrail only took 20 minutes to arrive, so I was on my way home shortly after 10. I had only been on the lightrail for two stops, and the post-Gillian meet high was wearing off. I was starting to get depressed again, reminiscing about the whole day's events so far, when a man came on to the lightrail and sat down near me. He just started talking to me out of the blue about how we had just been robbed. They took everything of value on him, his earrings, his necklace, the money in his wallet, and his wedding ring. The only things he had were the clothes on his back, and his life. The conversation was brief, but it really touched me, and I knew at that point that God was working through this man to reach me. I realized that I was being a little too worried and sad about my whole situation with Pam. I needed to stop worrying and regretting lost opportunites, and start thinking about more important problems in my life. If it was meant to work out, He would make it happen, and if it wasn't, it wasn't. I thanked Robert before I got off the lightrail, and told him that I would be praying for him. After getting off that train and going home, I felt SO much better about my life, my situation with Pam, my situation with Gillian, and going off to college. Luckily, my day didn't end there. As I normally do, I got online as soon as I got home, so I could talk to someone about the amazing plight my day had been. After talking to Amy for a good long while, she convinced me that, despite every bad feeling I had about it, talking to Mike about our feelings for Pam was something that I absolutely HAD to do. So I did. And I am glad I did. Those three hours were the most intense and revealing three hours I've spent talking with a guy in a long while, and I'm glad I got to talk to him. This day is now officially the best day of my entire life, starting at 6:45am Thursday morning, and ending 3am Friday morning. Huzzah! |
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Ladies and gentlemen, the man you've all been waiting for...
For post 150, I give to you my schedule for the next three days, because I wont have time to post, with the exception of my college info, which can be found in my profile anyway. Here it is: Thursday 7am-5pm: Head up to Messiah with Pam, KP, Kim, and Jessi to help move people in and say some goodbyes. 9pm: Inner Harbor to see Gillian Friday All day: Help whoever needs it moving in. Packing. Saturday All day: Move in to UMBC |
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Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Why I Blog
While perusing the blogs of others, the question was raised in my head "So why do you blog, anyway?" It's obviously not for money or recognition, so why do I do it? For the sole purpose of expressing myself. At times, I am tempted to write my posts as an indirect confrontation of different issues, but I abstain from that practice whenever I can help it. I like to keep my blog as close to it's philosophy as possible, simple and clean. As much as I don't have time for it, I would really like to start a mainstream blog, but I have never tackled down a focus for it. I've gone through ideas like movie reviews, anime reviews, political rants, humanity rants, love and relationship rants, wardriving, and other things. If I ever do put a big blog up, I expect you all to be loyal patrons, otherwise I will kill you. Painfully. I would like to send out props to one awesome girl out there, who I will keep unnamed for now. It was her concern, her encouraging, and her persuasion that kicked me back into realtiy, and made me face a challenge that I had been convinced to ignore earlier. Thank you for last night. I will never forget you as the one who made it all happen. --Deepest Blue said it best: "Don't ever forget to tell somebody the feelings inside to make your dreams come true I dream of you to feel so alive and want somebody it's not make believe my world would be for you and only you When you slowly close your eyes replay the moment in your mind we can just give it away breathe out and give it away" I feel like I am almost ready to commit myself. If it would work out, only God knows, but I am ready to trust His guidance, to let myself go. Rock. |
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