What are signs of grief?
How long does grief last?
Why not just avoid grief?
I want to talk about my feelings all the time, but I worry that others won't understand.
Do all people grieve alike?
Am I going crazy?
Do men and women have diffenent ways of grieving?
How important is a funeral?
What helps in the grieving process?
What are signs of grief?
There are many possible feelings one might experience. Sadness, anxiety, anger, guilt, tiredness, helplessness and loneliness are often reported. Some people feel shame, others relief. There are also physical sensations one might have: tightness in the chest or throat, pain in the heart area, heart palpitation, dizziness, nausea, or trembling. Sleeping and eating may also be affected. They may have unusual dreams or nightmares, social withdrawal or restless overactivity. All of these are normal during the grieving period.
How long does grief last?
This is probably the question most frequently asked counselors and other professionals. Unfortunately there is no clear or simple answer. There are many variables and every griever is unique as measured by their personality, coping behaviors, previous experiences with grief, their relationship with the person who died and various other factors. Every experience of loss is different and the grieving time varies accordingly.
Why not just avoid grief?
We think we want to avoid the grief, but really it is the pain of the loss we want to avoid. Grief is the healing process that ultimately brings us comfort in our pain.
I want to talk about my feelings all the time, but I worry that others won't understand.
It is not uncommon to want to talk about someone we miss. When we are separated from someone we love, we may want to talk about that person a great deal -telling special tories about that person, sharing memories with those who understand, remembering events in you life together, recalling the circumstances surrounding his or her death are all a part of our grief journey. Unfortunately, not everyone will want to deal with their feelings in the same way. Try talking to people but if you find that is not helpful, you may want to keep a special journal to write down your thoughts and feelings about your loved one, or write a letter to your special friend that expresses your sadness and sorrow.
Do all people grieve alike?
No. There is no prescribed way to grieve. Many cry, some do not. Many feel very sad and want to talk about it. Others want to deal with a death more on their own. Most people report that grief comes and goes like waves on the ocean. But not everyone reports this. The only rule is that there is no rule for the pattern of grief.
Am I going crazy?
That is one of the most normal feelings of all. Feeling crazy in response to a life shattering event makes perfect sense. Most people will probably experience this feeling at one time or another during the grieving process. The best thing to do is to realize that you are in good company with many others, and that “the crazies” will pass.
Do men and women have diffenent ways of grieving?
Conventional wisdom and stereotypes would indicate that they do. They indicate that women are generally more expressive and men are more stoic. In truth though, both sexes share a variety of common attributes. Some work through their grief actively, asserting themselves through various actions. Others are more comfortable allowing the grief to move through them. It is not a matter of being male or female but rather a matter of people being comfortable expressing their grief in differing ways.
How important is a funeral?
Research indicates that some kind of ceremonial farewell is often quite instrumental in helping the bereaved adjust to a catastrophic loss. This is true for the death of a family member, friend, pet or even for relational deaths like divorce. Those who do not acknowledge publicly and symbolically that a loss has occurred in their life may find themselves experiencing more difficulty in the grieving process.
What helps in the grieving process?
Above all else, what usually helps most people is being able to talk with at least one other person about their loss. There is healing in being able to share the pain, sorrows, ups and downs, fears, memories and hopes with another. The griever needs to avoid isolation and seek the support of others.
