It’s time for me to wise up. I have left enough wreckage in my wake. Last night sitting on top of the picnic table watching the aurora borealis flash in the night sky I figured something out…I know exactly what I need. It will stop the deep mourning. It will satisfy the “belonging” that I ache for. It will be good for me. It will be good for a few others. I WILL START MY OWN FAMILY!
My aunt, the wise one, says that most people don’t know what they want and that hangs them up. Since I do know what I want, I should go for it. She is a good love template. I can always tell when my uncle is on the phone. She doesn't have to say his name...it's her voice, it changes. Not in a I-will-manipulate-this-man-to-do-my-bidding way (I want to smack women when I hear them pulling that stunt!) No. The tone of her voice changes into authentic lovetone. They have been married for 31 years! She still lights up when her man enters the room.
I want that. So here’s my plan:
1. Fuck the WAR! Life goes on...at least until I have to seal up my house from biotox. Fuck it.
2. Seattle for Thanksgiving. I will finish up my states. Well, at least Washington and Oregon. Most likely I won’t capture Seward’s Folly. But I will have the contiguous 48 and Hawaii. Alaska later.
3. Key West in January.
4. Europe in 3 years.
5. STAY AWAY FROM MEN! …Self-explanatory...except if I find a funny, whiskey-drinking sex maniac then I will snatch him up immediately.
6. Work on my career. Go for a one-woman show. Get fiction published. Reconsider the column idea.
7. Get a dog. Stop being afraid of letting blood-coursing creatures into my life. As Adam Duritz says, “Gotta get back to basics/start it up again.” Three of my friends imploded their lives and started again. They are doing very well, no more simmering in swill.
8. Close on my new house. The owners have let me go over early. I have started preparing. Guess who's room this is?
Perhaps I can’t stay completely away from men for this to happen. Haha! Well, yes I could, but I want an original conception, one of heat and love and edge-of-the-world craziness. (The new person travels with me. I won’t abandon him or her, ever.)
9. Anyone who comes in, doesn't get out. This is till-I-die stuff. Like my friend K says she told her bf..."Be sure you want this because it will be forever. I will be like a puppy in love with you always. And if you run away, I will feel obligated to retrieve you. So be VERY sure right now. If you don't want this. Find someone else." I'm not sure if I am THAT intense. I would let someone run away because I would think that just maybe there would be something better for them elsewhere. And who would I be to prevent that? No one has left me yet. I mean besides by dying. Hope upon hope just maybe my munchkin and I will be really lucky and find some nice man to love us...always. Best of all maybe the Dad and the Husband come in one complete package! But if they don't, that's okay too.
10.Be happy. Live with intention. That's it.
I think this plan is good for at least twenty years worth of life. Sounds good, doesn’t it?