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things to be afraid of.
okay, i was really bored.
1. clowns.
2. the possibility that hitler might a. still be alive, or b. that he might be reincarnated.
3. people with an iq higher than yours.
4. people with an iq lower than yours.
5. cell phones.
6. bees.
7. garth brooks.
8. modern pop music.
9. mtv.
10. micheal jackson.
11. britney spears.
12. anyone with a likeness of, or affiliation to, christina aguilera and/or britney spears.
13. spice girls. [you can never be too sure if they're really gone for good or not.]
14. boy groups, especially n*sync. [see above reason in brackets.]
15. fear itself.
16. anorexic models with nothing better to do than make us fat people feel worthless.
17. guys whose muscles are bigger than your head.
18. superegos.
19. country music.
20. windows 95.
21. america online.
22. bill gates.
23. brady bunch.
24. pop-up video.
25. stepping on cracks in the pavement.
26. stepping into your shoes without previously shaking them out/checking for deadly, venomous, insects, sharp objects, whipped cream, etc.
27. walking backwards.
28. airplanes.
29. osama bin laden.
30. canadians.
31. e-mail.
32. stalkers/the possibility that someone could be stalking you.
33. george bush.
34. ronald reagan/the possibility that ronald reagan really is an android.
35. politics.
36. al gore.
37. blues clues.
38. barney.
39. mickey mouse.
40. winnie the pooh.
41. teen horror films.
42. people speaking a language you don't understand/can't recognize.
43. dwarves.
44. lawn ornaments.
45. elves.
46. the internet.
47. chess.
48. black holes/the possibility of being sucked into a black hole.
49. government.
50. fbi/the possibility that the fbi actually could know everything about you, perhaps more than you know about yourself.
51. you yourself or someone like you.
52. santa claus.
53. the possibility that little blue rabbits will inhabit and/or take over the planet.
54. the possibility that there really is other life on other planets.
55. vacuums/the possibility that a gigantic vacuum could suck all living things off the face of the earth.
56. religion.
57. the easter bunny.
58. mcdonald's.
59. fast food restaurants.
60. major commercial industries.
61. ronald mcdonald.
62. extremely catchy commercial jingles.
63. pop-up advertisements/banners.
64. food poisoning.
65. morbid obesity.
66. being morbidly thin.
67. rabies.
68. brain tumors.
69. rednecks.
70. psychotic animals.
71. animated violence.
72. reality-based tv shows.
73. the significance of the number 73.
74. infomercials.
75. psychic hotlines.
76. lids.
77. straws.
78. doorstops.
79. reaching into dark areas (drawers, etc.)/reaching into drawers without looking at what you're touching.
80. birthdays.
81. in-laws.
82. pokemon.
83. jigsaw puzzles with more than 100 pieces.
84. nutrition facts.
85. the fda.
86. pending armageddon.
87. online dating.
88. the tooth fairy.
89. raffles.
90. commitment.
91. inability to operate machinery.
92. semi-trucks.
93. disclaimer notices.
94. germs.
95. big bird.
96. telemarketers.
97. anything bigger than you.
98. complicated/use of complicated words.
99. products that don't include batteries when use of them requires batteries.
100. girl scouts/girl scout cookies.
101. summer camp.
102. school.
103. phone books/being listed in phone books.
104. yahoo.
105. hotmail.
106. food in the shape of anything that it isn't supposed to be shaped like.
107. people in animal suits.
108. men in white coats.
109. home mechanics.
110. male pattern baldness.
111. erectile dysfunction.
112. any number repeated three times [000, 777, 666, etc.]
113. space stations.
114. evolution.
115. technology.
116. television.
117. radiation.
118. laser pointers.
119. tarot cards.
120. happy meals.
121. riding on motorcycles.
122. walking around in a dark room.
123. downtown areas.
124. superstitions.
125. old people.
126. surgery/surgeons.
127. malpractice.
128. endless lists.
129. being put on hold.
130. extreme evangelists.
131. excessive amounts of body hair.
132. speed dialing.
133. land mines/the possibility that you could stumble upon a land mine.
134. port-a-pottys.
135. public restrooms.
136. butter knives.
137. razor blades.
138. any item of clothing priced over $50.
139. algebra.
140. allergies.
141. standardized tests.
142. postal codes.
143. deliveries that exceed a time period of four weeks.
144. electric pencil sharpeners.
145. cabbage patch dolls.
146. dolls.
147. tickle me elmo.
148. romance novels.
149. etch-a-sketches.
150. prejudism.
151. dubbed movies.
152. contagious diseases.
153. influenza virus.
154. the common cold.
155. rolling blackouts.
156. hate crime.
157. unpronouncable words.
158. small children.
159. reincarnation.
160. people that think elvis is still alive.
161. strom thurman.
162. nolan middle school.
163. powerpuff girls.
164. daphne and fred from scooby doo.
165. leftovers.
166. diet sodas.
167. darth vader.
168. ridiculously noisy metal music with no meaning.
169. unnatural noises.
170. baseball.
171. tight jeans.
172. disney world.
173. pollution.
174. acid rain.
175. natural disasters.
176. hypocrisy.
177. trash cans.
178. landfills.
179. world leaders.
180. having too much spare time.
181. me.
182. this website.
183. teletubbies.
184. roller coasters.
185. that little blinking red light over there that you think might be a camera, and really is one.
186. snow globes.
187. anyone who collects civil war memorabilia.
188. nativity scenes.
189. itchy nipples.
190. enclosed spaces.
191. the possibility that the universe is getting smaller/bigger.
192. the sun.
193. old western movies.
194. marching band.
195. uniformity.
196. pillows less than 8 inches thick.
197. organized team sports.
198. gym locker rooms.
199. eating animals. hey man, you never know when some cow could come along and eat you.
200. the little leprechaun in your head telling you to burn the house down and free the kangaroos.
201. everything.
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