Things That Piss Me Off

 
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where
my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I
ask where the bathroom is?

 
2. The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no dick. 

 
3. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room
for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the
channel manually.

 
4. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it 
too." Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake you can't eat?

 
5. When people say "It's always in the last place you look." Of
course it  is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? 
Do people do this? Who and where are they?

 
6. When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No
ASSHOLE, I paid $7.50 to come to the theater and stare at the fuckin
ceiling up there.

7. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".....Didn't really
give me a choice, did ya there buddy?

 
8. When something is "new and improved," which is it? If it's
new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement,
then it must not be the first one!!

 
9. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were
going? You should know asshole you fucking pulled me over!

 
10. When you go to a restaurant and the damn waiter asks "May i help
you?". NO SHIT! Why the fuck would i come to a damn restaurant if
you're not going to help me!? I mean c'mon.. I'm not really going to go
into the damn kitchen and serve myself am I?

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