(it gets
better towards the end :] )
Remember
the book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”? Well, here’s a
prime example offered by an English professor at an American University.
“Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
The process is simple.
Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.
One of
you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will
read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story.
The
first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.
Remember
to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent.
There is
to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the
paper.
The
story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.”
The
following was actually turned in by two English students:
Rebecca
- last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.
At
first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded
her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile.
But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl.
He is
possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma
started acting up again.
So
chamomile was out of the question.
(SECOND
PARAGRAPH - BY GARY)
Meanwhile,
Advance Sergeant Carl Harris,
leader
of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to
think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.
“A.S.
Harris to Geostation 17,” he said into his transgalactic communicator.
“Polar
orbit established. No sign of resistance so far...” But before he could sign
off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his
ship’s cargo bay.
The jolt
from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
(THIRD
PARAGRAPH - BY REBECCA)
He
bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last
pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had
feelings for him.
Soon
afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers
of Skylon 4.
“Congress
Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,” Laurie read in her
newspaper one morning.
The news
simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window,
dreaming of her youth when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent
wonder at all the beautiful things around her.
“Why
must one lose one’s innocence to become a woman?” she pondered wistfully.
(FOURTH
PARAGRAPH - BY GARY)
Little
did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles
above the city, the Anu’udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium
fusion missiles.
The
dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament
Treaty through congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile
alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race.
Within
two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu’udrian ships were on course
for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet.With no one
to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan.
The
lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in
his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of
Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized poor, stupid
Laurie and 85 million other Americans.
The
President slammed his fist on the conference table. “We can’t allow
this! I’m going to veto that treaty! Let’s blow ‘em out of the sky!”
(FIFTH PARAGRAPH - BY REBECCA)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature.
My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
(SIXTH
PARAGRAPH - BY GARY)
Yeah?
Well, you’re a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are
the literary equivalent of Valium. “Oh shall I have camomile tea? Or shall I
have some other sort of FUCKING TEA??? Oh no, I’m such an air headed
bimbo who reads too many Mills & Boon novels.”
(SEVENTH
PARAGRAPH - BY REBECCA)
Assshole.
(EIGHTH
PARAGRAPH - BY GARY)
Bitch.
(NINTH
PARAGRAPH - BY REBECCA)
Wanker.
(TENTH
PARAGRAPH - BY GARY)
Slut.
(ELEVENTH
PARAGRAPH - BY REBECCA)
Get
fucked.
(TWELFTH
PARAGRAPH - BY GARY)
Eat shit.
(THIRTEENTH
PARAGRAPH - BY REBECCA)
(FOURTEENTH
PARAGRAPH - BY GARY)
Go drink
some tea - whore..
*******************
A+
- I really liked this one.
Very nice, no? ^_^