You Know You are Asian If...
- you carry a pager in your right pocket, flipped
inward, whether its activated or not.
- your fringe are either long enough for you to touch
with your tongue, or your hair is gelled up in spikes
hard enough to impale small mammals.
- you're so caught up in name brand stuff, your pocket
lint is labeled Calvin Klein.
- your vocabulary consists of "pimp, mack, wack" and as
much as you can remember from the Ebonics dictionary.
- you go to Asian parties, and you can't find your car
since it looks like every other Civic or Integra.
- your screen name consists of Asian, and every word in
the profile is written in alternating lower
- you use the letter "z" in every other word when
- your girlfriend has enough make-up to be accepted into
- you never fit that old Asian stereotype of "all yellow
skinned slant eyes are smart."
- you enter chat rooms with "representin Westsiiiiiiide,"
or "any foin ladees in da house?"
- you pick up chicks who wear shoes 2 inches away from
- you call people "peepz" since two syllables is too
complex for you.
- instead of getting real education, you learn a
plethora of nonsensical pager codes (for god's sakes,
buy a message pager ... if you even need one).
- you've never heard of any other sporting wear then
Nike (Reebok? What's that?).
- you can't buy a shirt unless it's priced over $ 50 and
has a colossal sized Tommy Hilfiger, or Polo label.
- you've never bought a pair of pants that were less
than 5 sizes bigger than your real waist.
- you're an exact carbon-copy of your friends.
- you claim Asian pride wherever you go, when all you're
doing is shaming the race.
- your mother has a short-haired, curly perm.
- your dad is some sort of engineer.
- your parents still tried to get you into places
half-price saying you were twelve when you were really
- you ask your parents help on one math problem and 2
hours later they're still lecturing.
- you have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry.
everyone thinks you're "Chinese" no matter what part
of Asia your ancestors were from.
- you've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life.
- your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends'
- you've had to sit through Karaoke videos with scantily
clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk
around a temple, forest or library.
- your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage."
- you drive mostly Japanese cars.
- you've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices
are already rock bottom.
- you've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put
in hot dogs.
- at least once, you've started a joke with "Confucius
say ... "
- you've ever gotten little red envelopes around
- piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front,
back and closet doors.
- you hear (your name + eee (optional) + yah! every time
- someone calls you (e.g., Jean- ee - yah! or Mary -
- you have NO eyelashes.
- idiot people try to impress you with pathetic
imitation Asian languages, like the ever-so-popular:
ching chong woo bok chi, etc ...
- your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin.
- the Bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea
cucumbers, octopus) was last night's dinner.
- your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back
- at least one family member wears black wire/plastic
- your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged
body at 12 midnight to say, "What?! Where i came from,
we studied even more!"
- your parents expect you'll be best friends with any
one off the street in any given area as long as they
- an Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: "Is
that your mother? Well then, is it your sister?"
your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs
- everyone thinks you're good at math.
- your parents' vocabulary is filled with "Ai-yahs and
- your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing
from Asia with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks and English
words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow,
pink, magenta, orange and the ever popular lime green.
- your parents insist you marry within your race.
- you never order chop suey, sweet and sour pork, or any
other imitation oriental food.
- you either really, really want to go to UCI or really,
really want to stay away from it.
- your parents have never kissed you.
- your parents have never kissed each other.
- you learned about the birds and the bees from someone
other than your parents.
- your parents says "You want a stereo!?! When I was
your age, I didn't even have shoes!!"
- people see a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick and ask
you to translate.
- you have to call just about all your parent's friends
"Auntie and Uncle."
- you have 12+ aunts and uncles.
- at expensive restaurants you order a delicious glass
of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert.
- your parents simply cut the green/black part off the
bread and say, "Eat it anyway. It's still good."
- the vast majority of the people related to you wear
glasses. Thick glasses.
- you will most likely be taller than your parents.
- your parents have either made you play the piano, the
violin or both.
- you get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped
on if you don't.
- when going to other peoples' houses, you always have
to bring a gift.
- your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you
know, the ones with the blue and pink stripes at the
- your family owns a tennis racquet, golf clubs, or
- your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV
(i.e., Michael Chang).
- you use åZ?ðñL?§K®ïPT
- the furniture in your house never matches the
wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations or any of the
rest of the furniture.
- you have rocks, sticks, leaves and strange-smelling,
unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine.
- you own a rice cooker or two.
- you buy soy sauce by the gallon.
- your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.
- your parents tell you about how long it took for them
to get to school, how horrible the weather was in
their native country, and how much they still
- your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too
big so you can "grow into it and wear it for years to
HaH... so what u think? Although Not every word was true. At least 10 was and I could vouch for a lot of the others by seeing the way my asian friends are...
Back to Interesting Lists