Jan-ken PUNCH!

By Reid M. Haynes

Disclaimer: Dragon Ball/Dr. Slump are the properties of Akira Toriyama, TOEI ANIMATION, and various other companies, as well as all characters within. I am using them without permission, and I am making no money off of them.

Legend:
( ) Denotes thoughts.
{ } Denotes sound effects.

*****

Arale-ism of the Day: "Hoyo"

Definition: (from Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary)

Main Entry: Hoyo
Pronunciation: 'hOyO
Function: interjection
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English "hoyozo:" akin to Old High German "hoyozo ho"
Date:1980
1 : a nonsensical exclamation, often used as an expression of extreme emotion or to indicate confusion (Ex1: "'Hoyo!' Arale yelled with upmost glee." Ex2: "'Hoyo!' Arale hollered at the sight of Goku's bloody corpse." Ex3: "'Hoyo?' Arale queried to the professor, aghast at his explanation of universal theory.)

Publisher's Note: If you attempt to actually look up 'Hoyo' in a modern dictionary, you are an idiot.

Tale 2: Red Ribbon's Red Button, Part 1

*****

Forest life busies itself with many concerns. Animals attend to their daily concerns. Wind runs through the leaves. A single chestnut falls down on the forest path. It makes a sound. Just one small sound. Forest life busies itself with many concerns.

It was a beautiful summer day in the wilderness. Birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and even the temperature was nice: warm, but not humid. A perfect day for traveling, especially it you carried a load.

"So, where we goin'?" Arale asked from her place on Goku's back. "Are we headed to the glasses place?"

"Dunno, exactly," the other responded, adjusting his grip on the girl's shins. "But I think there's a city somewhere ahead. They've got a buncha weird stuff there, so I'm sure we c'n find your eye cups."

"D'ya know how far it is?" she questioned, looking off towards the road curiously.

Goku raised his eyebrow in concentration. "Well, I'm not sure, but I think..." He ran a few calculations in his head. "...about a google plex kilometers."

(Author's note: A 'google' is a number with over one hundred digits in it. Like '1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000. Why Goku knows this, or can even count that high, I have no idea.)

"Oh, okie dokie," Arale nodded simply, looking away. Letting herself get distracted, she took a look around at the moving surroundings; something she grew quickly tired of, being that she couldn't see three feet in front of her.

The duo was proceeding down the dusty path. Goku moved at a steady pace through the forest, keeping his eyes open for any enemies or troubles, while Arale clung to the boy's shoulders, trying to glance about beyond his gargantuan locks. The going was slower than either of them would've wanted but, due to Arale's co-dependency and added weight, Goku had to decrease his tempo to conserve energy.

"Hey, by th' way," she piped up, grabbing Goku's hair eagerly. "Can ya tell me about that cool game you were playing? You know, with those red dudes?"

"Game?" he asked, cringing a bit with the hard grip. "Whatcha mean?"

"Yeah!" Arale nodded. "It sounded kinda like 'Jan-ken' but there were a buncha POWS and WHACKS and people went flyin' back."

"Oh, you mean my 'Jan-ken Punch!'" Goku looked up at her, giving a wide grin. "That ain't no game; that's a secret move my grandpa taught me! It's really neat!"

"Wow, it does sound neat!" the girl said, and bent over Goku's forehead. "Can ya teach me? Huh, can ya? Can ya?"

"Well, ya don't seem t' see well enough for trainin' yet..." Goku told her honestly, trailing off nervously. Girls tended to tell him bad things when he was honest with them. At least the girls he knew.

Arale, though, took this well enough. She just said "Oh," and lapsed back into silence. She did seem a little disappointed, though, making him feel a bit bad. So he amended it: "But when we get those glasses of yours," he began, and the girl's head jerked back up. "I'll be glad to teach ya how to beat the bad guys!"

"Yay!" she cheered, stretching his hair even hardener. "Thanks-cha!"

"Don't mention it," Goku said, smiling through the intense pain. "Hey, can ya tell me somethin', too?"

"Hoyo?" Arale blinked a few times.

Goku looked back at her. "Can ya tell me what th' heck 'hoyo' means?" he queried, eyes wide with curiousity.

"'Hoyo?'" she affirmed, going into a contemplative mode. (referring to the word itself, not using it in the typical sence) "Hmm...I've never thodabout that before...I guess I don't really know!" The girl looked down at his head. "D'ya think that's bad?" she asked him.

"Nah," Goku shook his head. "I mean, if ya like usin' that word, I don't see what th' big deal is. Besides, it does sound kinda cool."

The girl smiled, and took a large breath. "Hoyo!" she sang to the sky.

Goku chuckled lightly. "Hoyo!" he cried to the trees.

Both of them looked to the other. "Hoyooo!" they sang, creating a vibrant sound that echoed throughout the roaming countryside.

And then a strange small alerted Arale's senses.

"Hoyo?" she said. (using it as normally intended)

Goku noticed the question in her voice, and promptly skid to a stop. "What's up?" he asked curiously, adjusting her weight in his arms.

For a moment Arale said nothing, and just continued to stare off in the direction where she had sniffed this mysterious oder. Then she pointed out. "Go that way," she told him bluntly.

Goku was a bit surprised by this direct order, but noticed no malice behind it. (unlike some 'other' girls he had dealt with) "Okay," he complied easily, trekking off in the direction Arale indicated. It was a bit off path from the current road he was taking, but he was in no real hurry, and could afford to take a small detour. (Besides, she seemed pretty interested in it) he thought to himself. (Which kinda interests me, too.)

Through the rough flora, Goku navigated the untamed forests as best he could. It was tougher than normal, having to compensate for the girl's extra bulk, and more than once his foot caught on a high root. Still it was manageable, and Arale made the job easier for him by not annoying him with babbling protests, once again, unlike some 'other' girls he had dealt with. (No insults, no 'don't touch me there.) Goku mussed, ducking over a high branch. (Man, this girl is weird...)

As for Arale, she concentrated mainly on brushing the larger limbs away from her. Not that they would've really hurt her, but the flower petals would scatter in her face when the branches snapped on her skull. They interrupted her sense of smell, and then she would lose that mysterious aroma that she had experienced. (I know I've smelt that before.)

Under the canopies Goku walked, stepping gingerly over the toadstools and bushes that littered the forest. Stray barbs clung to both him and Arale's clothing, but too caught in their own thoughts were they to pay attention. Also because they didn't hurt.

Also because they were almost there.

"Watch your head," Goku stepped under the last branch and exited out into the wild prairie. He took a small look around, not noticing anything out of the ordinary. "So, what now...whoa..." And then Goku cut off his own sentence, upon seeing something that definitely 'wasn't' ordinary.

Before Goku and Arale was a grand castle, standing high above the fields. Born of standard European design, it boasted thick stone walls, wood drawbridge for the moat, and spiral towers at all four corners, all created for making a statement. And by the skull flags wafting on the tower cones, it wasn't a cheerful one.

"Strange..." Goku let go of Arale's leg to rub his chin. "You could really smell the castle?"

"Not really," Arale shook her head, and motioned to her left. "Actually, the smell's over that way."

"Hmm?" Goku turned in the direction of her hand. And then raised an eyebrow. Right beside the fortress was an ordinary wood outhouse, with a crescent moon carved into its doorframe. It was about seven feet high, five feet wide, and was so boring and typical that it was conspicuous, which made him take a step back.

"Yup, that's it!" Arale chirped, taking a cue from Goku's countenance that he probably didn't give. "Go in there!"

Goku looked at her strangely, wondering at the odd request. But the girl kept up her cheerful, excited grin, finding nothing weird about the idea at all. With a face like that, how could you say no?

Turning away from the castle, Goku carried Arale twenty yards over to the outhouse. Once at the door, he repositioned Arale in his grip, and gently set her down on the grass. After that, he turned back around, grasped the door handle, and slowly pulled the door open. And then he lurched back in disgust.

Noxious fumes poured from the small outhouse, stinking up all area within a six foot radius from it. All of the walls were corroded and chipped, serving as home to the gnats and their eggs. Mold covered the floor, dirt was backed into the corner, and an ugly yellow film covered the toilet cover. And inside the toilet...

"Unchi-kun!" Arale cried up, pushing by Goku and rushing into the outhouse.

"W-whoa!" Goku stammered, tottering sideways from the rough impact. Quickly gaining balance, he followed the girl into the small shelter, and took a look in the toilet, after peeling her off the wall she had crashed into. He took a really close look inside it...and then wrinkled his nose in skepticism.

Right below the flush hole was a small, pink blob of goo. It was about the size of his fist, and was swirled upwards like soft-serve frozen yogurt. From it's basic physical appearance, it could probably be mistaken for a new flavor of McDonald's ice cream. But, from the haunting essences that emitted from this mystery object, Goku could tell that 'this' was the elusive aroma that Arale had detected back in the woods.

"But Arale, this is just poo," Goku told her, who was scooted up beside him. "What's so great about that?"

Arale jerked away. "It's NOT just poo!" she snapped indignantly, giving him a cross look. "It's Unchi-kun, the coolest thing in the whole wide world!" The girl reached into her pocket, and pulled out a small twig. "Look, I'll show ya!" she told him passionately, bending down to the level of the toilet bowl. With her stick poised outward, she moved it slowly towards the cool thing in question, and then slowly, methodically, she began to poke.

"Pokity-poke-poke," she chanted as she jabbed Unchi-kun steadily. "Pokity-poke-poke. "Pokity-poke-poke," The mystery mound moved and jiggled with the sporadic pressure implemented upon it, wobbling like cafateria Jell-O. "Pokity-poke-poke, "Pokitieeee-poke-poke, Pokiteeheehee, HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!!!" and Arale was on the floor, clutching her stomach with overwhelming mirth. While Goku just looked on, his jaw dropped in astonishment.

When she had finally gotten the laughter out of her system, Arale stumbled back to her feet, and stepped aside to the edge of the outhouse. "Here!" she said, motioning to the toilet bowl. "Now you try it!"

"Are you sure?" the monkey-boy asked, staring transfixed at the poo. "I mean, it seems kinda...stinky."

"Aw, don't be a peachy-head!" Arale protested good-naturedly. "Give Unchi-kun a chance!"

Goku wasn't quite convinced by the girl's enthusiasm, and he did think the smell was pretty bad. But Arale seemed to have so much fun poking it, and she was really routing for him. "Well...alright," he decided finally, putting his hand to his back. "But I get t' use my stick, 'kay?"

"'Kay!" Arale agreed, giving him a beaming smile.

Goku said nothing, instead pulling Nyoibo from the sheath. Humming a quick mantra to himself, he increased the magic staff's length with a ruby red flash. Once it was about fourfeet long, he grasped it with two hands, and pointed it at the pink poo. Finally, he was ready.

"Oooh!" Arale breathed in awe. "Good Unchi-stick!"

He nodded once, but kept his eyes firmly on the goo cluster. With his knees bent into a fighting stance, he inched closer and closer to his adversary. His face sweated furiously, as Unchi-kun seemed to be mocking him, belittling him, ready to strike with a vengeance. But he would not back down.

"C'mon... that's it..." Arale whispered, cheering him on. "You're almost there...just a little bit more..."

With these cheers to drive him, he cocked Nyoibo into position. He closed one eye, moving the bo's point closer and closer to its target. For a brief second he stopped, and brung it backward just a might. He drew a bead on its most vital area...

And then he struck.

(POINK!) (WOBWOBWOB!!!)

Unchi-kun fluttered and shivered with the light touch, pulsating wildly as if in distress. It wiggled around all over, too and fro, like a domino stack that had reached its limit. And like the domino stack, just as intriging.

Goku stared at this phenomenon with awe. He had never seem such a weird reaction to a simple touch. As weird as the idea of poo-poking was, it was strangely hypnotizing, even pleasurable, in an odd way. But just as soon as it begun, it was over, and Unchi-kun reverted back to its original position.

Goku looked at it. Then, quicker this time, he poked it again.

(POINK!) (WOBWOBWOB!!!)

And again.

(POINK!) (WOBWOBWOB!!!)

And then, just a bit harder.

(POWINK!) (W-WOBW-WOBW-WOBW-WOB!!!)

"Wow!" Goku declared, a wide grin stretching on his face. "This IS fun!"

Arale smiled approvingly. "Told ya!" she said, sharing in his joy.

Both of them now joined in the fun, torturing poor little Unchi-kun with their sticks. "Pokity-poke-poke." (WOBWOBWOB!!!) "Pokity-pokity-poke-poke." (WOBWOBWOB!!!) They jabbed and jabbed, laughing way too excitedly for what they were doing. (WOBWOBWOBWOB!!!)

"Pokity-poke-poke!" Goku announced with glee, jabbing out at poo. "Pokity-poke-poke!" Goku repeated, as he took another shot at it. "Pokity-poke-poke!" Goku cheered as he struck with Nyoibo. Only this time he missed.

In his glee, Goku had forgotten to aim properly, and the pole shot past the poo to the toilet. (DOOK!) it clacked against the seat, shaking the stall a bit. "Whoops," Goku laughed, putting a hand behind his head. "Missed that time..."

(CLANG!)

"Wha..." Goku took a step back at the sudden sound. "What was that?"

"I don't...oh!" Arale's eyes widened. "Look, Goku-kun, LOOK!"

The boy looked back at the toilet, finding something a little bit different. While his last poke had missed Unchi--kun, it had pushed in a small segment in the toilet. It was a rounded button, designed to blend in seemlessly with the rest of the seat. Now that it was pushed in, though, it was quite clear that there was something odd about this outhouse.

That was when the trapdoor opened.

"WHA!!!" Goku cried at the floor folded downwards, loosing his footing.

"AH!!!" Arale squeaked, jumping up at the sudden loss of support.

The boards swung downwards, making segments of a chasm wall. Below was a large vertical drop, swooping into the darkness of the underworld. The hole seemed endless, like you'd just keep falling if you ever dared to take a chance. But if you did, you probably wouldn't be thinking in fancy, descriptive paragraphs such as these, right?

"HOYOOO!!!" the two hollered as they fell.

*****

While Goku and Arale were shooting to certain doom, a lone Red Ribbon soldier was walking dimly lit cooridors, briskness in his step. At an even pace he moved through the passages, keeping his step quick and businesslike. He was on business, after all, and he had to look the part.

The RR turned the corner, and proceeded down a larger hallway. On each side of the walls were his fellow soldiers, standing at the ready. He ignored them though; they were of little concern. All he needed to concentrate on was the door in front of him, and the report he carried.

His hand reached out, and gently rapped on the door. Readjusting the folder in his arm, the RR waited for his superior to respond. After about thirty seconds, "Come in," a deep, bass voice spoke from inside, ushering him in. He took the cue, grasped the door handle, and slowly opened it, walking inside.

In itself, the room was nothing so extravagant. Just a standard office, complete with a chair for visitors, shelves full of unread books, and a large, woodgrain desk. It was what was behind the desk that was disturbing. Seated in the revolving chair was a tall, dark figure, with a lanky frame and piercing white eyes. His counterence was stiff, his mouth was rigid, he put off the perfect image of disapline and control. And of power.

The RR wasn't intimidated, though. He knew that that as long as you did your job, you would have no trouble. "I'm here with today's report, sir," he reported, handing him the report.

The shadowed figure took the papers from the man's hand and systematicly scrolled through them. After flipping through about three pages, he let out a quiet smile. "Very good," he said to himself. "The plan is already underway." The figure peeked up from the report. "And the prototypes are ready for launch?" he asked.

"Yes sir," The RR responded confidently. "In fact, our man is already working on the advance designs. At about a week from now, we'll be ready for go."

"Excellent," the shadow man said. he placed the report back on the desk, and motioned with his hand. "You are dismissed." he ordered.

The solider didn't move, but instead looked back at the boss. "Just one question, sir," he requested, hoping he wasn't speaking out of turn.

The man took no offence. "Speak,' he ordered.

"A lot of travelers in this sector have been using the lavatory." the RR explained bluntly. "I'm wondering if there's a chance our base might be uncovered."

A low chuckle emited from the man's throat. "Of course not." he assured the soldier. "With that fake castle we set up, any interlopers will be too distracted to seek any further. After all, who would believe that a simple outhouse is the entrance to our base. Trust me, soldier," He placed his hands on the desk. "No one's going to stumble in here, except maybe some poo-crazy kids."

"Right, sir," the RR agreed, stiffling a small chuckle.

(BWOOP! BWOOP!) Suddenly, the screen atop the boss' desk blinked red. "Excuse me," the boss said to his subordinate. "The left security camera has picked up some unauthorized movement." He clicked on the screen lightly, bringing the image up. Once it had focused properly, he studied it curiously, with one hand on his chin. Then, all of a sudden, he let out a light laugh. "Well, well well..." he murmered, a soft smile coming to his face.

"Sir?" The RR soldier carefully scooted forward, cranning his neck to see the screen. When he got a good look at the screen, his shoulders jerked back in surprise. "I don't believe it!" he gasped, goggling out at the screen.

The man clicked off the screen and reached for a small keypad. "Look's like we'll need those prototypes faster than we thought." he said causally, pressing down the white button.

*****

Goku: "Part 2 will be comin' soon."

Arale: "Don't go bye-cha!"





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