Sailor Food Sailor Stars (Part 1)

At a peaceful setting, far away from the hustle-bustle world of fast food, the former Late Night Manager Tomoe is enjoying a peaceful life with kid-club-member baby Hotaru by serving at a nearby five-star restaurant. Sailor Dennys appears and demands the baby from him, telling him it is time to make fast food again. When he refuses, she clobbers him over the head with the Steak of Food, grabs Hotaru, and runs like hell.

Serena has passed her Lean Cuisine exams, putting her, Amy, Lita, and Mina at the same school. And Rei of course has gone to some stuck-up culinary school And with some luck Serena has a chance of being manager of her favorite food restaurant when they graduate (With paid vacation!). But, Queen Grade-A has escaped her Potato-peel prison and wants wreak havoc upon the world again. And above all else, she wants to slaughter Sailor Food and her friends like fat cows at a meat factory. She squeezes her Dream Dish and causes it to turn on, providing the perfect pan to make hash browns with. The grease bits left on her dream dish rain down upon the world, and one of them lands right in Darien’s eye. Somewhere else (namely the top of a Kung Pou Chicken building), Amara and Michelle are enjoying some nice Chinese take-out, when their plastic plates and the other plates around them morph into Platter Parodies, who are the minions of Queen Grade-A and have particularly horrible laughs. They transform into Sailor Dominos and Sailor Long John Silver to fight, but are outnumbered. Suddenly, Sailor Dennys arrives and sets down baby Hotaru in order to help the others out. The battle rages, but unfortunately every time they kill one Platter Parody, the plastic reforms into two, instead of one. Soon, the Platter Parodies toss Sailor Dominos over the side of the building. Fortunately, Sailor Long John Silver grabs her hand just in time and makes a bad "cousin" joke about her weight. Before they can stop it, a Platter attacks Hotaru, but she suddenly vanquishes it with a bright light that looks mysteriously like a giant egg. Her powers then turn the three Outer Franchises into Super form, and they easily destroy the monsters. But, Hotaru is now suddenly four years old (Yay, now she can be in the big-kids- club). This perplexes the Outer Franchise, but makes Hotaru happy since she can now get the good kids’ meal toys instead of the crappy toddler ones. She continues to age at a dramatic rate until she can restore herself as Sailor Shoneys.

In the meantime, those struck with the leftover grease bits spend all their time at the sink, polishing dishes until they shine like mirrors and occasionally peeling large bags of potatoes. Darien is so affected he buys several cases of Ultra Dawn for this purpose. When the Sailor Franchise finally realizes he is under Grade-A’s control, it is too late. He is spirited away to be her own personal busboy. Serena somehow transforms into Eternal Sailor Food to go after him, but when she reaches Grade-A’s magical meat packing realm, she loses her powers and gets trapped in a meat freezer, where she wanders around.

Rini has also started to disappear. Since Grade-A has Darien it is now impossible for her parents to “insert the hot dog into the bun” in the back of a fast food place and therefore allow Rini to be born. After the cheering that greets this fact, Dennys points out that every hot dog needs a bun. Amara and Michelle disagree because they are “cousins” and say “2 Buns are more fun than One” (editor's note: You can thank Jaek for that one. I take no credit whatsoever ^_^* --Kate) but think they should help Sailor Food at least. Grumbling, the others teleport to Grade-A’s realm. They are quickly separated into small groups. Dominos and Dairy Queen fight their way out of the ruins of a drive-in diner, and unify themselves when they realize their names both start with “D.” Long John Silver and Taco Bell use their intuition and packets of special sauce to fight Grade-A; after all, Tater Sauce and Secret Sauce are a deadly combination. McDonalds refuses to leave Dennys behind to a group of Platters and scares them away with the happy faces of her Chicken McNugget Chain. And Krispy Kreme tries to save Serena from Grade-A’s freezer, taking several blows from a large frozen side of beef. In the end, all seven Franchises end up imprisoned by Grade-A in polystyrene boxes.

Serena finally makes her way out of the freezer by using the handle (Duh!), and heads for Grade-A’s well-fortified managerial office. Meanwhile, Happy Meal and Shoneys find Grade-A. Happy Meal tries to talk sense into Darien by incessantly whining at him, but he shoves her away. Shoneys sees no other choice...in order to save the world she will destroy herself by using All Day Breakfast Buffet. She brings down her Bar of Breakfast, the world goes silent...and she is abruptly stopped by Happy Meal, who says re-steamed biscuits are scary and “Shoneys went out of business, remember?”. There is a rather nice collection of Belgian waffles on the floor, though, so everybody has a quick snack before Queen Grade-A imprisons Shoneys. It looks as though Grade-A has won when Happy Meal finally disappears (It looks like we have too since she is finally gone!!! w00t!).

At last, Serena reaches Grade-A, and learns that Grade-A had no friends growing up because she lived on a farm and had to kill innocent cows. When, she finally became a queen, her subjects never let her go to fast food restaurants because they said it would make her fat. Not that you meet the most wonderful of friends at a fast-food joint, but friends none the less. She had take-out, but when she realized her food would always be cold by the time she got home (even though it’s free), she snapped and turned evil. Serena and the other Franchises feel pity for her and cry, weakening the boxes and allowing them to break free. Darien is released from his spell, and Happy Meal unfortunately returns. Serena can transform into Eternal Sailor Food, and so she and the other Franchises use their powers to send Queen Grade-A back to her childhood, where she will have the Iron Chef (Be careful though, you never know what the ingredient will be in the dinner) working for her, thus allowing her to eat decent food in the dining room.

But...who freed Queen Grade-A? Can the Sailor Franchise finally eat dinner in peace? Where are all the weird androgynous people of this season? You’ll have to read part 2 of Sailor Stars to find out!


Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is copyright 1992, Takeuchi Naoko, Toei Animation, TV Asahi, DIC, Cloverway, Bandai, and other associated companies. We are not affiliated with any restaurants mentioned on this page in any way. Any copyrighted terminology on this page was used as parody/satire under fair use laws. This is a fan page and does not earn profit in any way, shape, or form. Yeah right, like people would pay money for this. Most people wouldn't waste time on this (except us!), let alone money.

This page was copyrighted October 2000 upon creation by J & K.