In the night, a lilting melody plays through the air (Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off …oh wait!). It gradually grows louder. Children become enticed from their beds, and begin wandering the streets. The children join in happily singing along, reminding them of cookie stands, food courts and candy shops. Gradually the children make their way to a giant train, similar to the ones found in mall courtyards around the country. A little fairy, wearing clothes from Gap, pipes the tune. Once all the children are aboard the train, it chugs off into the night.

The next day, the Sailor Franchise are at work, trying to teach Rini how to bob for fries. Instead, she persistently and annoyingly asks them questions about the Food Court Fairies, mystical creatures that give shoppers an urge for bad quality, greasy food. The Sailor Franchise explains the story. Rini fishes some hot French fries out of the fryer and decides to take them to Darien’s Place, declaring they will give the eater ten-fold strength. As she skips down the street, wearing Gidget like one of those Taco hats, she sees a little boy standing in McDonald’s playground. He looks strange, and so she goes over to talk to him. His name is ChewChewru, and he makes fast friends with Rini by blowing on his little flute. The lilting tune makes the plaster figures of Ronald, Grimace, and Hamburgler dance around the playground, scaring all the children. Rini decides to give the now cold, soggy fries to ChewChewru, as Darien wouldn’t touch them with a 10-foot straw.

That night, Rini is pulled from her bed by the Kit Kat Chant. Serena spots her and, in a great coincidence, the other Sailor Franchise members are power-walking at three in the morning. So they decide to help Serena follow the wandering Rini, now joined by other children. They spot the train, lead by the Gap fairy, ChooChooran. ChooChooran tells the Franchise the kids are coming with him, and creates creatures called Godiva BonBon Candies™ to attack the Franchise. They transform and rescue Rini, who then transforms. Darien, who apparently likes to fish at night, shows up to help as well, as well as ChewChewru, who tries to fight against his fellow fairy. Suddenly, Queen Sbarro appears before them using the patented Big-Head-a-Tron. She tells ChooChooran to bring the children back to the castle. The Godiva BonBon Candies™ grab Rini and injure Darien, allowing ChooChooran to make off with Rini and a train full of kids (Wow, that sounds wrong).

Darien is sent home to rest, and the Sailor Franchise boards ChewChewru’s own train to travel to Queen Sbarro’s hideout, Mall-sipan Castle. They are nearly gunned down by her lackeys, but mange to crash-land in the castle, where they are confronted by the Queen’s fairies (Not even gonna go there) and their Godiva BonBon Candies™. This may sound like a bad episode of “Queer as Folk,” but just beer with us. Just then, Sailors Dominos, Long John Silver, and Dennys appear, having happened to have just been clubbing next door. They make quick work of ChooChooran and his fairies and the Godiva BonBon Candies™, and the group journeys deeper into the castle. There, Queen Sbarro confronts them, holding Sailor Happy Meal firm in her grasp. She wants to use the captured children to open up the Black Market of Consumerism, forcing people to eat in nothing but mall food courts for the rest of their lives. Sailor Happy Meal’s food energy (Official Evil Battery of the Foodverse™…Accept no substitutes!), will make her plan succeed for sure. The Sailor Franchise, dedicated to freedom of choice in restaurants, declares they will stop her. After all, when you get off a highway you can go to Burger King, or Wendy’s, or…anyway. Queen Sbarro begins draining Happy Meal’s energy, causing her to be creepily half-naked. Sailor Food leaps onto ChewChewru’s little train (ChewChewru: It’s not the size, it’s the Locomotion!) She and ChewChewru use his train to try and drive it through the greasy forcefield Sbarro has put up. They manage to make it, and Sbarro flees into the Black Market of Consumerism, Sailor Food and ChewChewru close behind.

In the Black Market of Consumerism, Queen Sbarro merges with Happy Meal’s power and the Market, and begins draining all the food energy around her. The other Sailor Franchise members are first on her list, and their powers start to drain away, leading to Gratuitous But Ambiguous Nudity™. Meanwhile, Sailor Food spots a soggy bag of fries on ChewChewru’s belt, and recognizes them as the fries meant for Darien. Remembering what Rini said about giving the eater ten-fold strength, she eats one. Instead, it gives her gas, but it is enough gas to propel her up to Happy Meal, still unconscious and creepily half-naked. Sailor Food goes to rescue her, and Sbarro a-salts (hah!) her with an illusion.

She is watching over Rini asleep in a box of frozen french fries, and Darien is well and by her side making pizzas. He tells her he will eat some of her marvelous cooking, and then they will go "make some take-out" while Rini sleeps. Sailor Food recognizes this as an illusion immediately, since the words "marvelous," "cooking," and "Serena" do not go in the same sentence. She grabs Rini and the illusion dissolves faster than grease from a piece of pizza. Calling on the other members of the Sailor Franchise, she uses their energy to heal Happy Meal. Together, the two go into the Black Market of Consumerism, their Glitter Sporks held high and protecting them. Sbarro is overpowered and gets absorbed into a giant napkin (*shrugs*). The rest of the Sailor Franchise get their clothes back, much to the disappointment of the male audience members. Meanwhile, Sailor Food and Happy Meal, lacking flying powers, fall to Mall-sipan Castle below before being rescued by ChewChewru, who pulls his back out trying to lower the two overeating Fat-Asses to the ground.

On a beach, ChewChewru thanks Happy Meal and the Franchise for helping him. He gives Happy Meal his flute, a genuine collectable toy from ages past (Hmmm…don’t even need to go there). He then gets a greasy kiss from Happy Meal. Grossed out, he flies off as fast as possible, leaving the Sailor Franchise on the beach, staring into the sunrise. Then they get hungry and go to a-salt an ice cream man walking past them.

The End

*Godiva BonBon Candies™ are a trademark of Gluttons, Inc. Used with permission of the company.

* Gratuitous But Ambiguous Nudity™ is a trademark of The Anime Fanboys Co. Used with permission and lots of hot, pathetic panting by the company.

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is copyright 1992, Takeuchi Naoko, Toei Animation, TV Asahi, DIC, Cloverway, Bandai, and other associated companies. We are not affiliated with any restaurants mentioned on this page in any way. Any copyrighted terminology on this page was used as parody/satire under fair use laws. This is a fan page and does not earn profit in any way, shape, or form. Yeah right, like people would pay money for this. Most people wouldn't waste time on this (except us!), let alone money.

This page was copyrighted October 2000 upon creation by J & K.