Seconds

I let him in before I thought about what I was doing; where Daisuke is concerned, I seem to have lapses in reason. At that moment, the lapse made me forget that Leafmon was sitting in my lap and that I was trying to keep his presence a secret. I cursed myself and pushed Leafmon behind me before Daisuke entered; I didn’t have to ask Leafmon to be quiet, he knows me better than I know myself.

Then, there was Daisuke. He came to see me, or to get revenge for what I did when I went to see him. I don’t remember a lot of what happened when he first appeared because I was in some sort of mental haze. I know I was moving and I’m reasonably sure I was speaking but mostly I was concerned with not doing anything stupid-- I’m not sure if that worked.

The next thing I remembered clearly is Leafmon’s sneeze. I was terrified. Looking back, I know I had nothing to worry about, but at the time millions of scenarios, each getting steadily worse, ran through my head in a matter of seconds. Then Leafmon came out and I could read it on Daisuke’s face, he was trying to figure out what was going on and what he was going to do about it. I couldn’t watch him make the decision I was so afraid he would make.

I remember very clearly that, while I answered his questions, my eyes were stinging and I was fighting the urge to wipe them desperately. I refused to cry in front of him; I had no right to. I would try to convince him I wasn’t doing anything evil and then take what ever his final decision was without argument, but I would not cry.

And then, he offered Leafmon a cookie.

I started to grin like an idiot and one or two tears did slip out but I wiped them away and got my face under control before he noticed. I couldn’t smile yet, there was still something I had to ask him, but I wasn’t sure how to go about it. I had already asked so much of him and he, just by being there to see me, had already given much more than I ever could have expected or deserved, but I had to.

I tried to pull myself together to ask this last question, favor, and I did manage some semblance of order, but then I lost it. I started to speak to get his attention, but I choked on his name. I think it was the first time I had said his name honestly. Not demanding or condescending or arrogantly, just asking, and I lost it. I lost all the precious resolve I had gathered and I just stared at him. He could tell this was something important and even with his encouragement I couldn’t do it, then Leafmon stepped in.

I love him. He means the world to me and I just never realized how much of me he was until I lost him. I could never lose him again, I just couldn’t. I picked him up; I wanted to give him the biggest hug ever and never let go, but he was so small and I was afraid I would hurt him so I ended up holding him in an odd sort of embrace, but he understood. He used his leaf and tickled me under my chin to let me know everything would be all right, but that really depended on Daisuke.

I watched him carefully as he looked at us and I was surprised to see a look of understanding quickly followed by sympathy.

“Hey, Ken,” he said, “listen, I can’t speak for them but I know they wouldn’t do something like that, they wouldn’t take your partner. No one can, really.”

I wanted to tell him that he was wrong about that. I had done it and they could too. I remember the look on that boy’s face, Kamiya’s, when he demanded that I return his Digimon. I had laughed at him; if only I had known.. . I wanted to tell him all of that but Daisuke was still talking.

“I’m sure Leafmon would be able to explain this a lot better than I ever could… But if it will make you feel better, I won’t tell them, but they’ll find out eventually.”

I let out a breath I didn’t know I had been holding, as did Leafmon; I gave him a quick hug and let him go. Then I turned to Daisuke.

Nothing I could have said would have been adequate, so I nodded my head briefly and settled for a simple, “Thank you.” I knew I couldn’t hide Leafmon forever, but.. . just for a little while longer.

Then Daisuke told me when his sister was coming, and sometime while I was wondering how I was going to survive another hour with Daisuke, I noticed I was speaking.

It wasn’t as if I had no control over what I was saying, I knew exactly what was happening, I just wasn’t able to stop myself from saying it. Afterwards, there was no way I could take it back, so all I could do was wait for his reaction.

I think he recognized the full extent of what I had said before I did. Then, with a little half smile that drew my attention damnably to his mouth, the next thing he said led me on a line of thought that took me directly back to kissing that mouth. That was definitely not the time to be thinking of such things. I shook my head to rid myself of those thoughts but I couldn’t resist mumbling, “I remember,” under my breath. Daisuke didn’t say any more about that, but he did say he would bring Chibimon the next time, which set Leafmon into a fit of giggles, and then everything was fine-- Until he picked up that cookie.

It was funny at first; he looked comical trying to wipe all of that filling away. But, the longer he kept at it, the more deadly interesting his tongue became, so I had to put a stop to it. I told him I would help and he stopped moving, then it was like watching a train wreck.

I leaned over, reached out and as soon as my hand touched his face a shock went through my whole body. It was probably just static but it felt like nothing I had ever felt before. I looked at Daisuke to see if he felt it to but he wasn’t even looking at me. His eyes weren’t focused but his lips were parted and he was shivering slightly, or maybe I was doing the shivering. I didn’t want to move but if I had stayed there any longer I probably would have done something rash and stupid, turns out I ended up doing that anyway.

I pulled back and looked for something to wipe my hand off on but I didn’t see anything other than my sheets so I decided to lick it off, which is exactly what I was doing when I heard Daisuke gasp. I looked back at him and his eyes were definitely focused this time and he was staring inscrutably at me. I suddenly realized what I was doing and what I must have looked like, so I dropped my hand and looked away, cheeks burning. I was praying for the darkness of the room to hide my expression.

After a while he said, “Ken,” very softly, voice thick with some emotion that I wouldn’t dare guess at.

I turned back to him and he was sitting in the exact same position, still staring at me; it had to be as still as I had ever seen him. I licked my lips, a nervous habit, and said, “Yes?” I didn’t think he’d be able to see it but his eyes zoomed in on the action and I had to stop myself from cursing, I just kept making it worse.

He didn’t comment on that, he just asked, “What are we doing?”

Of all the things I thought he was about to say, that was not one of them. Rather dumbly, I said, “I don’t know.”

Daisuke smiled, chuckled a bit and said, “No, no, you have to know because I have no clue and we both can’t be stupid.”

I must have looked really stupid because my jaw dropped and I started at him for a moment until I could collect the rest of my senses; it felt to surreal. I said, “Daisuke-“ but he was gone before I could say the next word.

He had hopped down to the floor and started pacing while shaking his hands like they had lost circulation. I felt a nudge at my side, it was Leafmon; he pointed at Daisuke then nudged me again. I got the message but I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to be doing once I got down there. I hopped over the edge of the bed and landed behind him anyway.

As soon as I hit the floor he turned and declared, “I like you.” I shocked by the suddenness, then he continued, “And you like me. We’re friends, right?” He was starting to make a really nasty habit of making me feel stupid.

In any event, he seemed really agitated and I wanted to tell him to calm down but he was going to fast. “This doesn’t make any sense and it really should. I mean, we should be able to work this out. Is there anything to work out?”

He paused to wait for a response, which I started to give, but he cut me off at the first syllable.

“OK, we need to work this out so we’ll have to think about it.” And then he sat on the floor.

I tried to get his attention but he “shushed” me. The whole situation probably would have been hilarious had it not been so utterly confusing at the time. I looked to Leafmon who shrugged bounced out of view, so I sat down and waited. After a couple of seconds, with a sudden and loud “huff,” Daisuke jumped up and exclaimed, “I can’t think of anything!” Then he proceeded to pace around the room. Well, sort of.

He took one step, then started to take another, hesitated, then turned, then hesitated again, turned once, then twice, took three steps, stopped, then took two more steps, turned abruptly—He was making me dizzy so I leaned back to lie on the floor and stare up at the ceiling.

I could hear, and occasionally see, Leafmon bouncing around on my bed. I could hear Daisuke’s odd rhythm-less pacing, but he never wandered into my field of vision. I could hear the computers hum and my mother humming some tune in the kitchen. It all reminded me of a more peaceful time, then, I remembered times had never been peaceful. Still, I felt calmer than I had in ages.

That’s when Daisuke found the light switch. He cut on the lights in the room and it took my eyes a couple of painful minutes to adjust to the brightness after spending the last couple of days in the dark. Almost as soon as my eyes adjusted, he turned the lights off again, then on, then off. Then, thankfully, he walked away from the switch. I’ve always been more comfortable in the dark, anyway.

I lost track of how much time passed while I stayed on the floor thinking of nothing in particular, aside from the irregular pattern of his steps.

Suddenly, the steps stopped and he appeared, standing over me. He announced that he figured out a plan, and without any sort of fanfare he said, “I want you to kiss me again.”

I bolted upright, “WHAT!?”

“Well... I was thinking about... well not about that but... and well... I think...”

I started to say something, anything, what it was going to be, I’ll never know because before I started the first word he said, “You’re right. That’s a stupid idea. I’ll think of something else.” Then he walked away.

I will readily admit that I’ve had an obsession, possibly unhealthy, with Daisuke for as long as I’ve known him, so it would be impossible for me to correctly explain the things that were going through my head just then. However, in summery, I can say it basically came down to I thought his idea was brilliant. But, at the time, I could never admit that to him, or myself.

“Wait,” he said, surprising me again, “I do want you to kiss me again. I figure, I’ve been thinking and wondering about it a lot since the last time and... If you kiss me again I can stop wondering and we can just put it behind us ya know but if you don’t want to I understand.” He finished in a rush but I understood the whole thing. It took a lot of guts to say that, I know I wouldn’t have been able to, so it was only my duty to oblige him, right?

“Ok.”

He looked at me like he didn’t quite catch what I had said.

So I repeated it, “Ok. If you want to, I mean if you think it would help, then Ok.”

He took a deep breath and said, “Fine.”

And there we were, standing in the middle of my room, about to kiss, and scared to death. Well, perhaps scared to death was a bit much, but after we finally agreed to get it over with, no one made the first move. Finally, Daisuke started to laugh, and I couldn’t help it, I start to laugh too; suddenly it didn’t seem so serious. I took a step forward and he stepped forward and it just happened.

Now I can’t say that I had a lot of experience or that I knew exactly what I was doing, but I put everything I had into that kiss. For all I knew it would was the last chance I would ever have to kiss him and, call me selfish, but I wanted to make it something he would never forget.

It started off slow, I was just savoring his taste, trying to commit him to memory, and then he started to kiss me back. From there it got more intense; I grabbed his face to deepen the kiss and his fingers wrapped in the shirt I was wearing so tight that the fabric started to rip but I couldn’t have cared less. I could feel his knees give out when he sagged against me and I started to get light headed from the lack of air but I would have gladly passed right there just to stay lost in that kiss. I tried to put everything I was into that kiss for him; our lips moved, our tongues danced together, and it was the most amazing thing I had ever experienced.

And then, a knock at my door, “Boys, Daisuke’s sister is here to pick him up,” my mother said tentatively from the other side.

We stumbled apart so fast it left my head dizzy and my chest aching. Daisuke, in particular, looked like he had been roused to full alertness very rudely and unpleasantly. We stared at each other over expanse of three or four feet, but it felt like miles, and I realized I had absolutely nothing to say. Daisuke mumbled something about having to leave and then he dashed out of the room, leaving me alone and still panting. I stood there for I don’t know how many minutes, listening to him stumble over a polite goodbye to my mother and the sound of the front door closing behind him; even minutes after he left I still could remember what it felt like to kiss Motomiya Daisuke.

The first coherent thought I had several minutes later was, “Damn. He left the cookie plate.”

On to Interlude: Takeru
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