NEXT MONTH
14 Nov 2001 - Let Them Eat Cake
- so i'm prompted to action by something i saw on a website last nite at 4 in the morning. and heres the first - hopefully one of many. oh yeah...
cake is good, they put on an excellent show. its always nice to go to a good show. unfortunately good music makes me introspective. also unfortunately being introspective makes me sad. its not so much that my life is sad right now or anything. its not. i'm happier than i've been in a long while. its just that there are certain things which are bound to produce a feeling of sadness (i.e. miscommunications, stress, tons of work, conflict, fat)... i like ricecakes a whole lot. what else can you eat for only 50 calories and 0 grams of fat. not like it matters - college is still turning me balloonish...something interesting i learned today: it is neccessary to defrost ones ass for nearly 1/2 of an hour after sitting outside in massachusetts for 40 minutes. that doesn't mean i love the radioactive pond in shapiro any less than i did before. it still is and always will be one of my favorite places to think.
- my roomate just can't get enough of singing "rent" at 2 in the morning. hot damn.
15 Nov 2001 - Tourney Is Coming
- tourney is coming. must house. doh!
- my roomates are still sleeping. its 11AM. i should still be sleeping. i don't like how college is totally changing my biological rhythm. i used to be able to get up at 9 no problem. in fact, i never slept past ten-thirty. but now that i'm here...well...you understand...
- term paper due in: 5 days and counting. did i start? of course not. why not? cause i'm an idiot.
- british history paper due in: 12 days and counting. haven't started. (for degree of stupidity, see above)
- "she doesn't care whether or not he's an island." - cake ... nope i don't. i adore him just the way he is, and he's enough for me.
17 Nov 2001 - Tourney Goin Strong
- i am so happy!
- housing last night was a success!!! hurrah! only one small problem - someone somehow managed to fuck over the people staying in cable, and now someone else has gotta deal with disciplinary action, but hopefully i'll be able to get one of those people in LEADERSHIP positions to help out with that.
- after dealing with housing tho, it was just an all around fun night. cornell has REALLY fun debaters!
- i lost count after 6 or so, right A?
- some places always just feel right.
- gotta love love.
- anyways, just came back to change, gotta get back to rounds. tourney is going great so far!
- yay happiness!
18 Nov 2001 - Sad Night, Post FA
- FA was funny.
- but now i'm not having fun.
- singularity isn't always so nice.
- some places might never feel right.
- i'm growing in ways i never knew i could.
- i wish i may i wish i might, i'll never get the wish i wish tonight...
19 Nov 2001 - USEM Paper
- Rigourously working on a paper for my USEM. Todays gonna be a busy one. At least I'm in somewhat good spirits.
- Forgot to move my dang car, and of course by 10AM the campus police had already swept upon it like vultures, leaving me the wonderful prize of a $20 ticket. What is that now? I think I'm up to $60, plus late fees.
- Wanna see Bebe later, but don't want him to feel harrassed. Maybe he'll want to grab dinner.
- The blinking cursor calls...
20 Nov 2001 - Drivin' Home
- exhaustion.
- 7.5 hours in the car today driving home
- three traffic jams, a pooping cat, an asthma attack, a stop at burger king, and a little detour to newark to drop off mary.
- sleep = good.
- nice to be home
- my bed is calling
- nite peeps
24 Nov 2001 - Fun On Turkey Day
- went to see "harry potter" today - quite cute. as always, john williams produced an appropo cutesy score. great special effects. worth it all for those alone - especially the quiddich game.
- three months ago stack, stick and i were grooving in the car to "pure shores" by all saints. this weekend its been "h to the izzo." thats a change if i ever saw one.
- "bats in the belfry" by dispatch = current favorite song
- saw Asshole last night. it was VERY, very, strange to see him. he looked good. damn good. it makes me so angry. that some small part of me still thinks that he is so cool after all he has done to prove himself a total jerk. its just the whole enigma of that fast, indifferent, aloof life that appeals i suppose. and just because most of me hates him (a lot) it doesn't stop him from being an attractive human being. grrrrrrrr...asshole!!!! stack wants Asshole's friend so thats why we ended up seeing the whole WP crew. obviously saw the ex too. he looks fine, and we had a nice chat. things are going great with his slut. ha - just kidding!
- hopefully going to be able to see the group tonite. saw them all at the PHS football game last nite, but only breifly as stack and i went to see her Hofstra friend in randolph.
- well, i guess thats all for now, as i have got to be getting "on the road"...or so the parents think....
25 Nov 2001 - Back @ Brandeis
- well, back at good ole' brandeis. it actually feels good to be back. really good. not that it wasn't nice to be able to sleep in my double bed again for a few days, and to see all my friends, but to a certain degree i have gotten used to the fact that for at least a while - THIS IS WHERE I LIVE. so my friends are all doing well. met the group @ empire last nite (3rd diner meal in 3 days - I MISSED THEM!!!!). everyone looked good, and it was fun. i left empire about nine-fifteen pm, and got back to brandeis around one in the morning. it would have been sooner, but i stopped at a rest stop to snooze for 15 minutes. if it hadn't been for that (and for Fatboy Slim) I might have crashed. but i'm safe and sound now and thats all that matters. can't wait to see bebe. i missed him, but not seriously. which is good. really good. cause it means we're (or at least I) am confident enough about my relationship with him to spend some time away from him. that bodes well for winter break. anyways, all for now, ttyl ~~
26 Nov 2001 - Stretch Out My Cheeks
- gotta love this rain. and gotta love love. rain is loveliness. oh how i babble. walking in the rain always makes me feel so clean and pure. kissing in the rain brings some nice feelings too...
- i can't stop smiling. maybe that means its time to go to bed.
- probably
- in the words of michael stipe - "i don't sleep, i dream."
- bet my dreams will be nice tonite...(an incredibly happy sigh...)
28 Nov 2001 - Oh Happy Day
- at least bebe's finally starting to get better..thats a plus
- it is possible to look cute at 10 in the morning! wow!
- alan's always there when i need the mac :-)
- debate last nite was fun, but it wasn't the kind of round i needed to whip myself into shape for this weekend. needless to say, an 11 and a half minute MOC is not ideal... i hope rob gets in touch with me soon, i'm feeling a little nervous about all this. if he bails (which i can't imagine he would) i'll be fucked. i really love debating so much. but last nite i was jumping around like some speed/caffiene/andrewgrossman freak. and even though its cool to get excited, i am embarrased when i act so silly. i hope certain members of the team won't think i am immature...i wouldn't be happy if that happened.
- regardless, i am still in a great mood today!
- Some days you get up and you feel great. And you go through the day, and stuff is fine. Sky is blue, birds are chirping. Then bit by bit the sky turns grey, the birds, they fall. You wish that you didn't have to deal with it all. Like your thoughts, grey clouds loom overhead, threatening to rain down. To strike with lightning and end... Later on in the day, you look in the mirror and wish you never got up at all. You start to see the little things - the bags beneath your sleep deprived eyes, the extra milkshake from yesterday, the lines of worry and stress forming on your forehead forty years too soon. Life is just a series of disappointments. You turn and look around you. Is this really what your life has become? This little cell of a room, this little piece of non-existent privacy? Suddenly, you just want to turn on your angry music, fade into the headphones, till you are a little decibal of sound - floating along with all the rest into a deep black sky of nothingness. You wish you could just melt away. Disappear. Something, in your never ending always interuupted life, brings you back. You look out the window. The sky is black, the foreboding pines nearly bending in the wind. Bleary, bleak, blind. What you see is bleary, what you feel is bleak, and what you wish you could be was blind. See no sadness, hear no sadness, speak no sadness. Then you realize the fault of this overused mantra - it accounts not for thought. Try as you might, sadness and anger will creep into your head. You run, and try to escape them, but running off campus isn't enough. Feeling stuck in hell - burning and churning. There is no escape. Wanting to get away from it all before it all gets away from you. But you can't. All you can do, is sit. And wait. And let the voices in your head battle it out. Maybe you will go crazy first. Its up to your mind to decide. God give me willpower...
29 Nov 2001 - Ahhhhhhh
- shit happens...we all make mistakes...
- therapy is great
- i love my best friend
30 Nov 2001 - Craaaaazy Bef
- just had a fun conversation with bebe. can't wait till he is better. and till i am "better".
- debate was good tonite. feeling good about MIT. gotta show lindsay richman she can't talk shit about me, cause she hasn't GOT shit. "affect a big twitch, she's a little bitch, got no swish."
- i need to be up for journalism in 4 hours. ha. haha. hahaha.
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