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BA and WindanSea: Re-Writing a Re-Write

I received a "Heads - Up" from a friend (Thanks Jordan!)

He sent me this link.

I thought that this piece regarding WindanSea looked familiar, all I could think about was how wrong it was, and I really wondered who wrote the piece of garbage.

Then I remembered, last year, one of my fellow students - Jimmy - at Mira Costa Jr. High School College needed to write some stuff for his Master's In Surfing Advanced Degree (MISA).

This horrid event went kinda like this, as I remember:

Jimmy sez:

"BA - you're the oldest student at this institution.

In fact, you're probably the oldest human here.

Cripes, you're even older than the Campus Cops.

But BA, I need your help!

I'm gotta submit a Surf Spot Synopsis to signonsandiego.com to complete my assignment in Surf Stuff 101.

However, you know I don't surf!

You ensured that when you beat my dad up 20 years ago.

Why did you tell him NEVER to come to the beach again - you're such an A-Hole!!

- BUT -

The location is WindanSea...here's what I've written so far...

...can you critique it...

PLEASE, BA."

So, in a moment of weakness, 'cause I feel sorry about pounding the kid's dad 20 years ago -

I say:

"Okay, one paragraph at a time - but you know, Little Jimmy, Cub Reporter, Son of Kook, that WindanSea is one of my favorite surf spots, and I will insist upon accuracy."

Jimmy sez:
"Thank you - here's the opening headline / paragraph:"

Windansea Beach

Windansea Beach is known for its shack, its shorebreak and its scenery.

Recreation Location Profile

Surf and sunsets.

Sunsets and surf. Any way you put it, La Jolla's Windansea has 'em both -- in spectacular fashion.

BA sez:
Jimmy, it's okay, above paragraph is reasonably accurate
(jeeze I hope Jimmy does better as this piece of crap unwinds)

Surfers consider this a prime spot, as do sunbathers and sunset watchers who lounge on the beach's huge, smooth sandstone rocks.

Jimmy, above paragraph is okay.
(jeeze this really is a load of crap)

The beach is known for its shorebreak, a condition on steep beaches that results in hard-breaking surf right at the shoreline.

Whoa, Jimmy - Stop the presses - you gotta add, below, to above:

The waves that break out farther than the shoreline are terrible.

Even if they look good, they're not!

- Please don't be fooled -

Stay away from the outside waves - you're only wasting your time!

If you want to get thrilling, long rides, the place to go is Tourmaline Surfing Park.

Jimmy continues on with more sophomoric writing:

Windansea is also home to a legendary - almost mythic - surf culture, and perhaps California's first surfing icon, a Polynesian-style sideless hut that was first built by pioneer Windansea surfers in 1947.

Jimmy, above paragraph is close enough, but are you calling The Shack, an ICON?
(jeeze this really is a huge load of crap)

Jimmy starts fabricating some real s**t now:

The Shack - or "sugar shack," -- supposedly took its name from an abundance of romantic encounters on its premises - lack of walls notwithstanding.

Whoa, Jimmy - Stop the presses - How in the H*** did you come up with "sugar shack" and its use?

- You musta been talking to Weird Little Tommy Wolfe -

"Sugar Shack" is a song - performed by the most lame of all "Surf Bands" in history - Jimmy Gilmer and the Fireballs -

These guys are from Raton, New Mexico - No wonder I hated the song "Torquay!"

You gotta add:

Upon further investigation, aided by Hans Newman, George Taylor, and Mike Wilson, the true meaning of the "shack" is...that this shack really is just a shack.

The shack has been rebuilt on at least three occasions, but locals each time reconstructed it to its original specifications, salvaging as much as possible.

How 'bout this for some real Shack Trivia - Why is the shack oriented in the direction that it is?

Is there a reason that it was built kinda diagonally to the shoreline?

Hans knows - visit him at Su Casa - tell him that I sent you -

Parking:
The public parking lot has only 18 spaces. The only other parking is on the street in a residential area.

Jimmy - for safety's sake, please add:

If the parking lot is full, it is not safe to leave your car unattended on the residential streets.

You car will probably be vandalized at the least, and if you own a nice auto, it will probably be stolen.

You must remember that this is really the poor side of town, and a relatively new car may be the equivalent to a year's salary for some of the locals.

The rules:
If you're not an experienced surfer, use extreme caution when entering or exiting the water.

Jumping from cliffs or other heights higher than 5 feet into the Pacific Ocean is prohibited.

If you're not an experienced surfer, why in the hell are you even attempting to surf WindanSea?

You won't catch any waves, you'll be dangerous in the water, and you might get hurt.

Alcohol is permitted on the beach from noon to 8 p.m., but it is prohibited at all times in parking lots, adjacent walkways and grassy parks adjacent to the beach.

Wanna know how to become an instant local?

Just bring a case of beer (at least) and a bag of Mary-Jane!

You don't need to seek out the locals - they'll find you!

Also, You're gonna have one heck of a time finding a grassy park adjacent to WindanSea.

Unless, of course, you wanna sit in someone's front yard.

That just might cause you a bit of a problem - lotta poverty there!

The crowd:
The serious surfers who just about owned this spot during the sixties were the subject of Tom Wolfe's "The Pumphouse Gang," written in 1968.

Tom Wolfe - what an effing homo.

- JUST KIDDING -

Wolfe was kicked out of the parking lot at WindanSea by the real locals

- That re-routing took about 5 minutes -

Wolfey was banished to the pumphouse, 200 yards south of the WindanSea lot.

He (Wolfe) characterized the Pumphouse Rat Gang as WindanSea locals.

- What a joke -

That's like saying if you watch a movie, you're a movie star.

These days, things have calmed down a bit, although some present-day boarders would prefer you know how to surf before you try Windansea's break.

SOME present-day boarders?

How 'bout ALL WindanSea locals would prefer you not to even surf here, regardless of your skill level!

And don't be alarmed -
due to the seclusion of the sandstone cliffs, an occasional topless sunbather may be present.

Wow - I'm so sure that an occasional topless sunbather (female, I assume) would alarm me!

The only topless sunbathers that I've seen in 50 years of perving WindanSea, other than the local males, are those way cute guys from Brazil - now that's alarming!

JUST KIDDING!

Picnics
Due to offshore winds, this is not the ideal beach for a picnic.

Jimmy - are you writing this pile of crap or is Shawn Styles?

"Offshore winds?"

You gotta be drunk!

The prevailing ONSHORE winds at WindanSea ruin the picnic - ing.

The same wind also ruins the surfing!

It's always onshore and crappy here!

- STAY HOME -

Go somewhere else!

Facilities
Lifeguards are present only during summer months. There are no restroom facilities.

If you haven't figgered it out by now, get this:

WindanSea is NOT a family beach, period.

The locals are always hostile, and the water is usually polluted.

The wind blows onshore all of the time, the waves suck.

The Shack looks worse than a Tom Sawyer Tree House - go to Disneyland -

You'll have more fun.

There is NO parking here, and your car will be at risk on all of the side streets.

Drug and alcohol use / abuse is rampant in the WindanSea Parking Lot, as well as on the beach.

You and your family will not be safe here.

STAY HOME!

I don't know why Jimmy submitted his report without the changes I suggested / requested.

Maybe he didn't even get his MISA.

I did see him a few months ago, and he told me he was getting his California Real Estate License, as well as a Certificate in Physical Therapy from the La Jolla Academy of Performing Arts.

=================================================================

I think that the WindanSea Profile would have looked much better like this:

WINDANSEA SUMMARY

WindanSea is NOT a family beach, period, nor is it visitor friendly.

The locals are always hostile, and the water is usually polluted.

The wind blows onshore all of the time, the waves suck.

The Shack looks worse than a Tom Sawyer Tree House -

If you wanna see a cool shack - go to Disneyland -

You'll have more fun!

There is NO parking here, and your car will be at risk on all of the side streets.

Drug and alcohol use / abuse is rampant in the WindanSea Parking Lot, as well as on the beach.

The only topless sunbathers you'll see are male - great if you're a homo!

JUST KIDDING!!

You and your family will not be safe here.

NOT KIDDING!

STAY HOME!

NOT KIDDING!!

Later,

BA

The link to more of my surf reports is: Surfing With BA

The link to my latest "BS Page" is: BA's BS Page

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Opps Forgot Some Stuff:

Thought I'd better add some disclaimers:

* All of the tales I'm spinning are based upon facts of some sort.
* Most of the tales will be at least 50% factual.

I'm doing this web thing for a few reasons, and it is, and will be, "a work in progress" for a while:

1. It's an easy way for me to organize my "autobiography" so my kids will know a bit more about me.
2. I find this computer and internet stuff fascinating.
3. I was lucky to be able to start surfing - at least in my opinion - in the "Golden Age" of surfing - I do have some yarns to spin regarding those times.
4. This is an efficient way for some of the old guys to touch bases again - I've received a few e-mails from old (err, long-time) friends I've haven't seen in forty years or so - I think that's way cool.
5. I'm still surfing almost every day - and, at least in my opinion - that's a pretty "boss" thing to write about.
6. I think it will be nice, in a couple of years, to maybe look back at how good - or bad - the surf was in any given stretch of time.

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