This page is about one of the dark secrets of an even darker past..... my love affair with little Nicky Carter. The boy I loved is no longer. Where he is I do not know. And where he sleeps I cannot see. And what he eats, I cannot cook for him. Nor can I pick him flowers or wear his clothes or run my fingers through my hair....well I guess I can still do that. But it doesn't feel the same. It has no meaning anymore. In case you're wondering, the song playing in the background is "Here And Now" by Luther Vandross. It is our song. We played it on the jukebox on our very first date to the video arcade. We split up in late 97 when someone stole Nick right out from under our noses. To read more about this conspiracy that I believe Martin Sheen is behind, go here. If you ask Nicky about it, he'll claim he's never seen me before in his life. As will AJ and Howard. Sigh.
The break up was a harsh one, but one I shall not soon forget. But maybe I should. He's gone like yesterday and I guess it's time for me to let myself be whisked away in the arms of another. And I shall call him AJ. And we shall be married and you are all invited. There may or may not be free punch and pie.
Just when I thought I would never again think of him - Never see his face in the early morning hours. Never wish for him on those lonely nights. Never again yearn for the soft touch of his body entertwined with mine on a warm summer's eve. Never again long to hold him close and run my fingers through his hair and along his chest and down his - ....AHEM!!!!!!.... sorry. Where was I?...Oh yes, Just when I thought I would never again think of him, his love came back to haunt me. It started as an irrepressible lust that spread through my body like wildfire. Then, on March 10 in the year 2000, with a crack that split the night, I fell head over heals. Literally. Someone should have those stairs fixed. When I had awoken from my coma, I found myself completely in love. I kicked my own ass several times, but to no avail. I am now blind to the truth, The truth that he is no longer mine. I didn't want him when I had him and now he's gone. I thought I could have it all. But alas, his heart belongs to another. I cannot hold him in my arms and kiss him and kiss him and kiss him and throw him on the floor and rip his clothes off. I have too many restraining order against these kind of things. My therapist says I need to learn some self control. But these things don't come easy.
YOU RUINED ME CARTER!!! I CAN NEVER LOVE AGAIN!!!! MY HEART IS TAINTED!!!!!!!