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sept. 30, 2002 prologues: kidapawan

end of an era

093002 essays

january 2003 prologue: i ask

eating the elephant

ad infinitum


u.s.a. conference target

meex: whats the target # for usa conference? 2000 right?
gelo: yah
meex: wow
meex: but i thought the target per region was like 200
meex: so 6 region times 200 isnt 2000
gelo: per area
gelo: nj is 350
gelo: md is 200
meex: wow
gelo: 20 for boston
gelo: thats 570 for our region
meex: wow
gelo: so its not 200 per region
meex: ok, can u break down chicago
gelo: chicago im thinking 250
gelo: cleveland 30
meex: k
gelo: which means u need more areas in ur region



yum yum elephant

life is like eating an elephant -- eating it whole and at once is impossible, unwise and unhealthy, so you take it a bite at a time. maybe right now i can't be the writer that i want to be, but maybe i can go see new york or london for a week for now. maybe i can't be the artist that i dream of becoming, but maybe i can use my skills to find the kind of work i actually want to do and not because it's available but because it's actually something i *want* to do. ... and this, i believe, is why i have the ghost of someone hounding me all the time, following me everywhere, haunting me every moment of my days. this is why i toss and turn at night and awake with an aching back and stiff neck. this is why i have muffled my questions and stifled the pounding of my heart and conscience. there is an option for me out there, and i am not taking it on. it's that elephant -- i would rather eat some other juicy part first rather than what could possibly be the choicest meats... but i have just reason, i assure you, and it happens to be the same reason i won't take on that offer: i wanna try the legs first, maybe i'll take on the heart and mind and soul later; no one said there has to be a procedure to eating an elephant, and besides... i've already completed eating of the ears and have already started on the legs. ... [ more from the journal ]



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