Dungaree Justice 2
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As I watch her I see that she is struggling with something much bigger than I first thought. And though I know her well, I realize we are about to enter a place I’ve never been before.
“Help me understand” I say as her eyes meet mine. “Whatever it is I’m always on your side Mac.”
I want so desperately to tell him, but I can’t let him see this part of me, that part of my life. “No just forget it.”
I started to push past him and head for the door.
Harm reached out and took her arm gently stopping her by his side “Why do you run away? Didn’t you hear me just say to you that no matter what it is I’m here for you.”
“I don’t want to be your mistake” I scream at him, pulling my arm free. I didn’t mean for it to come out, but the moment I say his eyes, it all came falling out of my mouth.
She pulls free from and stops. Her eyes give her angry away and I can’t help but just look at her for a moment. I don’t get it. “What?”
Before I can’t stop the words they are flying from my mouth. “I’ve always been someone’s mistake. I was my mother’s mistake, Eddie’s mistake. I was Chris’s
Mistake, John’s mistake.... and I was Dalton’s mistake... I don’t want to be the mistake in your life that cause you your life, or your career.” The tears have already began their course. The truth was I was scared to lose him.
For a moment there is nothing I can say. I sometimes forget that Mac has feelings that run just as deep as any other women, she has spend so much time hiding them, masking them, that there are times I just expect her to be strong and overcome all that is thrown at her.
“Mac...” I take a step towards her, I want to comfort her.
“No don’t. I will just go. It the way it should be.” I hate it that I’ve let him see me like this. I want him to know I’m strong. I’m stronger than this.
“Mac you are not my mistake.” his eyes widen as she walked past him, he saw her defenses go up. “Your not a mistake at all.”
Harm stepped in front of the door. “Mac... listen me.” For a moment I’m not sure what she is going to do. I know that she could sure put a fight if she really wanted to leave, and I wouldn’t want to physical make her stay if she didn’t want to.
“What?” she folded her arms in front of her.
“Look, you are an amazing, wonderful women.” his hand cup her face. It was hard to put into words how he felt about her. She was so many things to him. “Your
mother had no idea what she was doing when she left you. You were not Eddie’s mistake, Eddie’s death was his mistake. I’m sorry it took something that awful to
wake you up, but thank god it did.”
Her eyes briefly meet his. So many times she had been thankful for that, but she had always felt so bad for feeling that. It was fair to Eddie, to be thankful over his death just because it had saved her life.
“Chris, John and even Dalton ... you were not their mistakes. They were lucky to have a part of you, a part of your heart. They only mistake was that they ended badly, that was not your fault.”
I can’t bring myself to look at him as he speaks. I know I will lose control of the emotions I have a hold on if I see in his eyes the truth he is speaking.
“Mac you could never be my mistake, your the best thing that has happened in my life. Your my bestfriend. Bestfriends are not mistakes.”
“You don’t understand.”
“I do understand....” he didn’t want to scare her, but he wasn’t going to let this moment pass without telling her. “Mac I love you, everything about you.”
Her eyes found his as her breath caught. ‘OH God no.’
My heart speed up as I said the words to her. I’ve longed to tell her for awhile now, but I’ve never been able to bring myself to do it. “I love where you came from, who you are, who you have become.” he pulled her into his arms. “I will always love who you are.”
The wall broke and the tears began to fall, for the first time in her life she didn’t feel like running, and as Harm pulled her into his arms, she knew she had found the one that would never become a mistake.
Updated: June 15, 2003 ~ * ~
Webpage Created: Summer of 2003
