Jokes

check out this list of 25 ways of spotting a college fish....

1. Freshmen are the only perky people in your 7am class during the first week of classes.

2. Though many students look lost, freshmen are the only ones to ask where the elevator to the fifth floor is in a two story building.

3. Freshmen think they have time to watch TV and study. (We upper-classmen know that we only have time to watch TV.)

4. Freshmen use the word "Brewski".

5. Freshmen say please and thank you at meals rather than grunt and growl.

6. The freshmen will say "Good Morning Professor " in unison. (The upper-classmen will arrive a few minutes afterward.)

7. Freshmen care about how many classes they've skipped. (Upper-classmen care about how many meals they've skipped.)

8. Freshman sing in the morning. (Upper-classmen don't do anything til noon.)

9. A freshman will still be wearing his high school class ring. (Upper-classmen have long ago pawned their's for beer.)

10. Freshmen call home for more than just money.

11. Freshmen ask you if you're 21, for "no reason". (Yeah right)

12. Freshmen don't stay out late. (Because it's past their bedtime.)

13. Only a freshman can be grounded by his/her parents and be on campus.

14. Freshmen will take the time to shower before a speech.

15. A freshman's alarm clock is set 2 hours before his/her first class even if the class is at 7am. (An upper-classman's alarm lock is set 10 minute before any class after 10 am.)

16. Freshmen make kool-aid and buy cases of soda.(Upper-classmen buy Boone's Farm wine and buy cases of the cheapest beer they can find.)

17. Freshmen will offer you a soda. (Upper-classmen will kill you if you think about their beer.)

18. Freshmen do laundry once a week. (Upper-classmen don't do laundry.)

19. Freshmen respect RAs and think they can help solve their problems. (Upper-classmen avoid RAs to keep away from problems.)

20. A freshman with a car = free taxi for his/her friends. (An upper-classman with a car = a way for him/her to pay for the weekend.)

21. Credit card companies will give a freshman a credit card on the spot, so that as an upper-classman you will be paying for your freshman year adventures.

22. Freshmen will politely ask if you can turn down the volume on your radio. (Upper-classmen pound on the wall.)

23. Freshmen love the cafeteria food. (Upper-classmen eat it because they can't afford a pizza.)

24. Freshmen will dress nicely just to look nice. (Upper-classmen will dress nicely for a court date.)

25. Freshmen will take the time to read this and forward it to their friends. (Upper-classmen will only waste their time writing this.)

There are 3 kinds of Mathmaticians. Those who can count and those who can't.

Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat. It's not the heat, it's the humidity.

Di! Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit! God, look at the time! My wife will kill me!

Lex clavatoris designati rescundenda est. The designated hitter rule has got to go.

Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare. I think some people in togas are plotting against me.

Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris. If Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar.

Quantum materiae materietur marmota manox si marmota monax materiam possit materiari? How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

(At a Barbeque) Animadveristine, ubicumque stes, fumum recta in facuem ferri? Ever notice how wherever you stand, the smoke goes right into your face?

Neutiquam erro. I am not lost.

Hocine bibo aut in eum digitos insero? Do I drink this or stick my fingers in it?

Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur. Oh! Was I speaking Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out.

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants us to achieve/give over 100%?!

If, A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z can be represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26,

then -

H A R D W O R K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98 %

K N O W L E D G E

11+14+15+ 23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96 %

But,

A T T I T U D E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100 %

However,

B U L L S H I T

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

Therefore, hard work and knowledge will get you close, but attitude and bullshit will put you over the top!

How can you tell If you are a LATINO?

• If you have ever been hit by a chancla.
• If you grew up scared by something called El Cucuy
• If others tell you to stop screaming when you are really just talking.
• If you light a candle on the night of the Lotto Drawing.
• If you use your lips to point something out.
• If you constantly refer to cereal as Pos Tostes
• If your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you for dinner even if it's a one bedroom apartment.
• If you can dance merngue, cumbia or salsa without any music.
• If you use monteca instead of olive oil and can't figure out why your butt is getting bigger.
• If you call your sneakers tenis.
• If you have atleast thirty cousins.
• If you can't imagine anyone not likeing Spicy Food.
• If you are in a 5-passenger car with 7-people in it and a person shouting
• If whenever you feel under the weather you compulsively dab on some Veeks all over your chest and in your nostrils.
• Your mom packs your lunchero and you've just turned thirty-two
• You or someone you know uses Tres Flores in their hair
• Tamales, Champurrado, Ham and Turkey are must haves on Thanksgiving.
• There is more Budweiser than punch at Little Angel's Birthday Party.
• Your parents think you are crazy because you've moved out without getting married first.
• You actually sat there reading this stuff and knew what I was talking about.