I use the quotation marks on "signed" because I have unearthed a transcript of the autographing ceremony and have learnt from it, with solemn disappointment, that as Chris was unable to write his name with his own butt-cheeks, he impatiently snatched the marker from between his buttocks and promptly proceeded to scrawl the "autograph" with his bare hand. To such knowledge, the ass-dexterity connoisseur may discount this "autographed" picture as a mere ass-writing fake while the Chris Morris fan, on a severer note, will take much fiercer issue with it. Not only does the "autograph" fail to resemble Chris Morris' genuine signature, but the photo itself is nothing but a memento of Mr. Morris degrading himself in front of his less-ambitious, under achieving friends. Look at the facts: instigated by bet that was made between he yokel friends-- in which Morris had no say-- C-Mo (as he is known within fan circles) has been pressured to stick a marker up his bare butt and wiggle it around in front of them for their cheap amusement. The Chris Morris fan, or 'Morrismaniac', asks, "How does a man of such great talents become degraded to this level?" This is the same man who gave us...
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Moreover, Chris' ass itself has been a widely acclaimed piece of work, particularly by Athens Ontario's own Lisa Dickison and Shawn Barber. Here we see Chris' famed ass being used to show up his tragic ass-illiteracy. If the squiggle above was truly the achievement of Chris Morris' intricate ass work, then it would be yet another testament to his vast talents. When we look at it in the light of the circumstances in which it was made, it is an apparent slap in the face for all Chris Morris fans.
While I can understand the frustrations of Chris' fans, I am much, much more impressed with the courage that "C-Mo" displayed in creating this great piece of work-- for I do believe that it is great. Look at that signed photo again. Read the transcript of the ass-signing again. Think about the guts that Chris Morris-- the one and only Chris Morris-- must have had in order to shove a marker up is butt and risk sitting down on it. He was doing all of this for his friends and his friends alone, no matter how stupid drunk they were at the time and no matter how little he would gain from doing this.
I ask you, good reader, would you take the risk of placing a marker in your rectum to amuse your friends? I sure as hell wouldn't! And I can picture it too: I would accidentally sit down on the thing and double over in agony. As I'd scream for help, everyone would be laughing too hard to call 911. And what if I could reach the phone by myself? Would I have the courage to call and gasp the words "Marker up my ass... hurts! Ass bloody... help!" Chris Morris, a man throughly unexperienced in ass-writing, must have though about this and just said, "Hey, I don't care, I'll still go that extra mile for my friends."
Wow
What a man.
When I look at that heroic pose in which Chris stands in that one photograph, I care little for the true "authenticity" of his
ass' autograph and the base desires that he was satisfying for his gang of degenerate friends. Instead, I raise my eyes to see the unconquerable Hardcore 
Rating: Four Ryans
