Forget Snakes: Prove Your Faith by being Spider-Bitten!!!
The Brown Recluse Spider's Poison is deadly -- but only to Non-Believers!!!
Forget snake handling brother! Snakes are big and it is easy to turn their heads or use other tricks to keep them from biting you. That is all a phony-baloney business done by hillbillies who feed their snakes a giant rabbit before handling them so that the snakes are lethargic. It is all a circus for people without teeth. If you really want to prove the scripture, then you will reach your hand into a jar of Brown Recluse spiders, let them bite you, and then you will see the truth of what Jesus said in Mark, chapter 16:16 -- 20:
that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall
17 And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
18 They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.
19 So then after the Lord had spoken unto them, he was received up into heaven, and sat on the right hand of God.
20 And they went forth, and preached every where, the Lord working with them, and confirming the word with signs following. Amen.
We at the Jesus Proving Grounds and Motor Speedway in Elco, Nevada, prove our faith by getting spider-bit and then the amazing sign that follows is that the wound scabs over and we don't die. Of course, God said to use the herbs of the earth, and so we make an assaic four-herb tea. After a bite at evening service, we drink the tea at bedtime and then rub some on the spider bite as a poultice. We are usually better the next and can even be bitten again. Heck, sometimes we just crawl under one of the trailers to get bit.
When a troubled soul comes to us, he or she will be saved, healed, and delivered. And they will be spider-bitten. The celebrity Don Knotts came to us to be delivered from the secret sin of elder masturbation, a growing problem we see as people age and remain healthy due to Satanic, drug-pushing doctors and so-called "science" that is really a guise for the Satanic religion of Evolution and Secular Humanism. Thanks to Viagra, Mr. Knotts was a horny as a two-peckered billy goat. Well sir, a pair of tin snips and prayer cured him faster than that large-breasted lard-bucket Anna Nicole Smith running to git in front of a camera! As proof of his new faith in Christ, Mr. Knotts allowed himself to be bit a Brown Recluse. We gave him some essaic tea and he survived! And you will too!
Don Knotts shown with a Brown Recluse on his head. The spider has been enlarged to show the concept.
Mr. Knotts no longer engages in elder masturbation.
Dr. Tin Snips: The Cure for Masturbation
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