Nobody did, and as such David had to finish his new album 'Aladdin Sane' by January 24th. He did this with the aid of caffiene injections every 15 minutes or so.
He then had to set sail for America for yet another tour to open on February 14th after two weeks of rehersals. They wheeled him on board in a wheelchair while he twitched and frequently passed out. The tour was to last 100 days, when Bowie heard of this he immediately crapped his pants.
An interview with Melody Maker sums up his excitement for the new tour :
MM - David, any new changes in the lineup for this show?
Bowie - I'm so tired...
MM - Will you be getting to see more of America this time around?
Bowie - Zzzzzzz...
The Radio City concert in New York was a cause of much speculation as to whether Bowie would kick the bucket. Before a crowd of 6,200 people he utilized spotlights, a giant cage, trapdoors, spacecraft, confetti, explosions, implosions and sounds loud enough to be heard in Antarctica. A lot of material from the as yet unreleased Aladdin Sane was used, mostly cotton, silk and polyester.
At the end of the show David's head fell off. A nurse took his pulse and diagnosed overwork. He was ordered by De Fries to go to bed for 10 minutes.
On April 6th 'Drive In Saturday' was released as a single and immediately started flirting with all the girls around town. It's conception came about while on a night train journey in the US, David had spotted two strange silver domes in the distance and exclamed, 'Hey! They look just like two big tits!'
The album 'Aladdin Sane' was released by RCA that same month with advance sales of 100,000 copies - the first time anyone had achieved this since The Beatles. When Bowie let slip that he thought he was "bigger than The Beatles" Beatles fans started burning his albums for being sacrebeatleous.
After the extended US tour David's caravan next appeared in Japan. He had no idea how it got there. While chasing it up he did some concerts for the nonplussed Japanese and became fascinated with their culture, dance and vending machines.
On April 21st he travelled across Russia on the Trans-Siberian Express, spent two days in Moscow, then took the express in Paris. Bowie to De Fries - 'You said this was a short cut! Now I can't get that freakin' clickity-clack out of my head!'
He eventually wound up back at his place in Beckinham to rest for a couple of minutes before being forced out at gunpoint to do another show at Earls Court Stadium. The show was disastrously overbooked and underfunded, just a mountain of people filling the whole place, like one huge living organism. This scared Bowie so much he cancelled his June 30th show there and called the creature the "The drunken Blob with a thousand arms that wanted to eat me"
After Earls court David began the biggest tour Britain had ever seen to this point. Because he simply wasn't doing enough.
The first show at Aberdeen was booked out so a second for the same night was arranged. It opened on the 16th May and played at 7pm and 9pm. This was to be the routine for the next two months, David frequently dropping dead and being revived in between sets. He spent his 5 minute breaks furiously rocking back and forth mumbling to himself.
After the May 18th in Glascow and May 19th in Edinburgh he went back in time to do another three shows on the 16th. He did the Norwich Theatre Royal on May 21st, Romford Odeon on May 22nd, Brighton Dome on May 23rd, Lewisham Odeon on May 24th, Bournmouth Winter Gardens on May 25th and 26th, Guildford City Hall on May 27th, Wolverhampton Civic Hall on May 28th, Hanley Victoria Hall on May 29th, blood transfusion on May 30th, Blackburn King Georges Hall on May 31st and because this wasn't enough they invented May 32nd and May 33rd to play at Bradford St Georges Hall and Coventry New Theatre.
Similarly he did a shitload of concerts in June on a respirator and life sustaining drip, after which he called a press conference where he repleatedly stammered, "...nomoreshows ...nomoreshows ...nomoreshows... jelly tickle bumblebee"
Bowie fled to the Chateau d'Herouville just outside Paris. This was Elton John's Chateau complete with recording studio. They locked David in and told him not to come out until he had done an album consisting of 60's oldies. Ken Scott, co-producer of Ziggy Stardust and Aladdin Sane, gave him a hand, Mick Ronson gave him a foot, while Aynsley Dunbar a couple of elbows, Trevor Bolder a nipple while Mike Garson donated a decent length of small intestine.
Meanwhile Angie had taken over from a modelling project David was meant to be doing. She had also scored guest spots in 'Hawaii Five-O' and 'F.B.I.'. She describes her relationship with Bowie at the time :
'He would often call me and exclaim, "I'm doing someone else! I'm doing them right now! Whoopeee!", such was our open relationship. We didn't believe in owning each other, just in severely irritating each other'
Decca were also at it again. In September they re-released 'The Laughing Gnome' as a single. And damned if it didn't become a massive hit, selling 250,000 copies and breaking into the top 5. Gnomes around the country rejoiced. Dwarfs were deeply hurt.
On October 12th RCA released 'Sorrow' together with b-side 'Amsterdam'. Which was a smart move, because they were attached to each side of the same record.
On October 18th, 19th and 20th David returned to the Marquee filming a concert for NBC TV's 'Midnight Special'. He appeared with Marianna Faithfull and they sung 'I Got You Babe' together while David sung all his other favourites by himself. A bunch of people were in the crowd.
RCA released 'Pin Ups' on October 19th to advance orders of 150,000. David and Twiggy appeared on the cover. Twiggy looked tired, and the songs were mostly crappy.
Plans for the next year were already in the works. A musical adaption of George Orwell's '1984'. With fireworks and everything. 38 extra-marital affairs were planned. David, Angie and Zowie were moving out of Haddon Hall and into Richard Harris's house in Kensington (which came as some surprise to Richard).
By the end of 1973, Bowie had sold over a million LPs and over a million singles. The offical wording for such sales is : oodles.