Sometime ago I set on a venture to write down just a few words that clouded my head. These words were known as thoughts and as they evolved they turned into what I like to call poetry. Now many might not agree, but to me this is my interpretation of not only the craziness that goes on in my mind/world, but what I think poetry is.


Pondering
Please Lord tell me why
When she said goodbye
I started to cry

Was it 'cause I loved her so much
Was it 'cause I longed for her touch

Please Lord tell me why
When she left ther room
I fell into a deep gloom

Was it 'cause I loved her with all my heart
And not just one little part

Please Lord tell me why
When she said what she said
I wished I were dead

Was it because of something I did
If so I wish I didn't

I love this girl
She is my whole world
What would I ever do if I ever lost her
That is what I now ponder




Earthlings Awakening
Lying, bleeding, dying
Earthling Sleeping

Wailing, Screaming, Crying
Earthling Sleeping

Drinking, Smoking, Over-dosing
Earthling Sleeping

Shooting, Fighting, Gnashing
Earthling Sleeping

(Jesus)...Preaching, Teaching,
Praising, Dying, Raising, Forgiving,
Earthlings Awakening




To My Girlfriend
Just to meet at a place
To see your beautiful face
To greet you with a kiss
A moment I will never miss
Just to hold your hand
Walking down the beach in the sand
To see a sunrise
While looking into your eyes
How I thank my God for giving me you
A girlfriend I love so much, who also loves me too




Changed
It's time for a change
Time to rearrange
Stop living in the past
Get my life back on track
Sin keeps bringing me down
But I know I'll come back around
I used to let it get to me
But I won't no more you see
I thought I lost all hope when I lived this way
But I know things can be ok
I had a conspiracy theory for everything that went wrong
And now I go through life singing a different song
'Cause I know God will get me through this crazy life
And all though there are ups and downs
I know in the end he'll make everything alright




Hopefully Someday
Hey it's alright
'Cause I saw you last night
Ignorning me
So now I see
If that's the way it's gonna be
Than I give up on everything
A lot of heartache comes with loving
Someone like you
What was I to do
I didn't have a single clue
From the way things were going
No relationship was growing
So instead a friendship is dissolving
And I don't know why
It had to be this way
But now all I have to say
Is, I've loved you ever since we met
It's been at least four years
And who knows how long before that
Now it seems you're throwing it all away
But I want you to know, i'm going to stay
And maybe, we'll be together someday




Washed Up Relationship
I don't want this to be
Another washed up relationship
I'm feeling quite sick
Thinking of all the times
Was loving you such a crime
For time goes by
And I start to wonder why
Things are so crazy
The past is hazy
And I can't change time
We hardly talked
We should've walked
And figured things out
Be a little closer
I know I love her
But now my time is out
Shoulda spent more time with my girl
Than I wouldn't have lost my whole world




Sunshine
Hey crazy kid you know this is true
The coolest person around is you
Sunshine, for real, you're the best
definately better than the rest
You know i'm not lying
So don't even try denying
You're the coolest person around
You definately rock the town
As GSF president
I must admit girls are spent
But that doesn't include you
'Cause you're one of the very few
I might as well say
If there ever came a day
That I spent without you
I don't know what I'd do
So I'm happy that I found
Sunshine, the coolest kid around!




Has It Come To This
As the blood ran down my arm
I wondered how I could harm
Myself in such a way
Causing myself way too much pain
As I held the object in my sight
A twinkle as it hit the light
A tear fell from my eye
And then I really started to cry
What have I done to sink so low
To continually beat myself blow after blow
Inside my head I have gone insane
But to hide my feelings I cause physical pain
These lonely nights, these desperate cries
My burden heavier from decieving lies
Maybe to cease myself from the inevitable fall
I should take this blade and end it all
Starring at the small cut in my wrist
I stopped and wondered
Has it really come to this?




One-sided Friendship
Maybe if I had enough time
It wouldn't be considered a crime
What I do for you is outrageous
It just maybe contagious
I certainly hope it is
'Cause a one-sided friendship
Is all this is
Seems to me like we're very good friends
But I end up doing all the stuff in the end
What is going on between us
What is the reason for all this fuss




Love
I don't understand it
Yet it is always there
Even on those days
When I just don't care
I can't relate to it
Although most say I show it
I don't see it there
But it must be somewhere
It's such a good thing to have
Yet most often than not
It leaves me broken hearted
It's one of those feelings
No one can live without
It's one of those things
Constantly thought about
What, do you ask
Am I speaking of
I tell you
It's that wonderful thing called love




Memories of the Future
Has this already happened
Do I know what's really going on
Is it a dream or reality
It's like someone told me the ending
And now i'm finally starting to see
As things are progressing
I feel I already knew what was going to happen
I choose my own course
I make my own decisions
Yet it seems like no matter what
I continue to follow the story line
It seems like Deja Vu
With every small thing I do
Does this mean i'm heading
In the right direction
Or is it i'm just heading towards failure
What lies ahead
I wish I knew more than you're letting me
It boggles my mind
And leaves me feeling wierd
But I guess that's the price I pay
To see how I end up someday




Forgiveness
I finally thought
I just reached salvation
And here I am
At the beginning again
I've fallen one too many times
My eyes have commited their own crime
My hands are blamefull too
I seek you Lord to know what to do
The words I speak
Continue to make my spirit weak
The things I do
Bring me further away from you
Yet here I am
And there you stand
I look into your eyes
And search for forgiveness
I continue to search
And look for rest
From this sin which engulfs me
You show me what I cannot see
I doubt, like this, I'll make it too heaven
Then he tells me I am forgiven
Not seven times, but seventy times seven




One More Day
Depression sets in the mind
And eats away at my feelings all the time
Lonliness crowds me in this empty room
With death in my mind I cry in gloom
Maybe it is best if I tell someone
Of these things I have done
It seems to have helped before
I don't see why it wouldn't anymore
Many people just don't understand
Of all this depression that is at hand
Many don't know why I feel this way
Maybe they should walk in my skin for just one day
All though I don't think that may help, like I said
They don't know the struggles that go on in my head
Life is a precious gift they say
Than why is it so often I didn't want to live one more day




What's the point
So what is the point anyways
Just messin' with our brains
Every day is new
Some days black, some days blue
Clouds roll in like a storm arising
People start running towards hiding
Hail falls to the ground
No one is around
The wind starts blowing
No one knows where they're going
So what is the point anyway
There are still plenty of days



Someday
Some day, i'll say
What made me this way
Feelings hurting
Friends deserting
Maybe it is my fault
This friendship came to a halt
But I know I make mistakes
Ask to forgive and forget
Before it's too late
How can I go on without you
Perhaps you don't have a clue
What you meant to me
And how things ought to be
You and I may find another
But it doesn't mean we can't be friends
Like sister and brother
Once again
All I want is us to remain friends
And maybe
Someday, i'll say
Things are ok



Punk the World
Who is that kid in your room
We don't want him influencing you
What is that in his hair
I think there's something wrong upstairs
What do you think is the matter with him
I'll tell ya one thing that hair needs a trim
A change of color might help too
You know what holds it up, he told me elmers glue
Mom and dad chill out it's me
You're favorite son Timmy
So what's wrong with being punk anyways
Love one another you used to say
Now's the time not to go crazy
You think 'cause i'm punk i'm going to be lazy
Well I have news to tell
I've been this way since I was twelve
So the heck with you
And your stereotypes too
Being punk isn't all that bad
The way you're thinking is what's really sad
So what if this is my lifestyle
Last time I checked it's been my life for awhile
I have something to tell the two of you
Punk the world and Punk You Too!!!



Feeling Worse
I used to think it was fun
I couldn't wait to get on
Couldn't wait to see all my friends
To laugh and play, and talk with them
But then things changed
They changed for the worse
Life had got tougher
I've lost too many friends
Life has got more confusing
Yet it keeps going
It never seems to end
It keeps getting worse
Never getting better
Just continues to fall
And never goes back up again
I don't know how to feel anymore
I don't know how to love anymore
What am I going to do
What does the future have in store



Slowly Going Insane
Some pictures never leave your head
You'd stab your eyes out
But that'd leave you dead
Why must we carry on
A life once led
Now is gone
We're trapped in this place
Of lies and laws
A life without a trace
Troubled children
Demented Elders
When will the chaos end



Psycho
Psycho brain
Why the heck are you
So insane
Dressin' up in your black clothes
Why do you have to wear those
Last time I checked
You were all for individuality
But now it seems you're tryin' to be
What everyone else wants you to be
I'd call you a hypocrite
But who am I to judge
When I myself ain't so perfect



Friends
I need to be loved
But where is my friend
There is no where to go
My life has become a dead end

Help me bust through this wall
I'm not asking for much that's all

Surrounded by all these shadows
I find myself going where everyone else goes
Take me out of this world so full of sin
Every which way I turn, I find no way to win

I thought I had many good friends
Many on whom I could depend
But where are they now, now that it's the end

No where to turn, no where to hide
Lord Jesus please return to my side



Valentines Day
Everything started out alright
I could've talked to you all night
But the next thing you said
Would never leave my head
Wish I would've stayed and talked with you
But I said I had better things to do
I wish I knew what to do
But I didn't know how to explain my feelings for you

Instead I walked away
Didn't really stay
With you on valentines day

So now that I got it through
To you what I want to do
How I wanted to remain friends
With you till the end
But you turned around and walked out that door
I have a feeling I won't see you anymore
I wish I knew what to do
Now that I explained my feelings to you



Promises
For you my darling
I'd do anything
For you my sweetheart
I'd tear the world apart
My dear
One promise I tend to keep is I am here
For you I am here
My darling girlfriend
Another promise I tend to keep
Is not to be a total creep
One thing I know that's also true
Is I am deeply in Love with you



True Blue
How can I explain my likeness of you
At first I didn't think love could come true
But then I met you and everything turned true blue

And if I said how much I loved you
Would I ever hear the same words come from you
If I told you how much I loved you
I wouldn't forget to say how beautiful you are too

For when I look at you, your beauty shows me all that's true blue
For true blue has come from you

And the shine that it leaves on your face is indescribably beautiful too
For true blue has come frome you



Fallen
I've fallen
Fallen from the place I was before
Fallen and stumbled right out the door
Brought to a place filled with guilt
I've fallen before, and on my knees I knelt
Prayed to God to send a friend
But will He help me once again
Or is He tired too, of helping me
No ending to all this misery
Maybe I brought this on myself
But I realize i'm wrong, and cry for help
Will I ever get an answer for this calling
And will I ever cease from falling



Blindness
I think i'm going blind
It's kinda sad when
You get left behind
All alone left in the cold
Just sitting here growing old
All alone
I find a stone
To sit on and wait awhile
For someone to open my eyes
Give me a great suprise
I need someone to lend me a hand
To pick me up, and help me stand
On my own two feet
Help me walk down my own street
With my head held high
Blindly starring towards the sky
Looking for something above
While all along
I was looking for was His Love



Thoughts
Somwhere
Someplace
I can end this
Rat race
Sometime
Soon here
There'd be
Shedded tears
I don't
Know why
Most must
All cryAnd a natural feeling
Just another part of our day
Just pushing us along the way



7 O'clock
7 O'clock
I just got outta bed
Some things never leave your head
I remember you walking out that door
I believe i'll never see you anymore

And I
Don't know why
I fell so in love with you
But now i'm so alone
And I don't have anything better to do

Quarter to nine
Day went by just fine
Not once did I lose my head
Now i'm getting ready for bed

I hope the same misery fails to find you
I hope you end up having a better life than I do



Stay with me always
So I fallen in love with you
What was I supposed to do
Your beauty caught my eye
Than I questioned myself why
Why can't I be with her
We'd be perfect for each other i'm sure
But now like always before
Everytime I leave you I miss you more
How I wish I were always there
To admire you from your eyes to your hair
Your soft skin and touch
Asking to stay with you always, is that too much



Take me to a place
Take me to a place
With no sin and shame
Take me to a place
Where no one knows my name
Take me to a place
Where my eyes see no evil
Take me away
Allow me to soar like an eagle
Take me to a place
Where anyone can start a new
Bring me to that place
Lord, so I can be with you



For my girlfriend
You will never know
How much I truly care
You might never understand
How much I wish I were there
With you this very moment
Although a small gift is all
I have to give
I hope you treasure it
As long as you shall live
A gift of love
Is what I give to you
For my girlfriend
This is what I want to do
Show how much I care
And to always be there



On my mind
I think of you everyday
How you make me smile
How you make my life worth while
I think of you every night
When everything seems wrong
You make me feel alright
You're always on my mind
Well maybe not all the time
For there is still one I love more
The one who brought us together
My Jesus, my Savior...my Lord



A dedication poem
Here is a poem to you
I dedicate and proclaim it to you
For actions speak louder than words
Those that are spoken
Or those that are heard
The action I show is love
As red as a rose
Yet as white as a dove
To show my love I insist
To greet you each time
With a kiss
Or even by holding your hand
May make you understand
How much I love you
And how much I care
For you too



What is better than love
What is better than love
Obtaining a million dollars
Might make you want to hollar
One of those nice new cars
Won't get you too far
Winning the lottery
'Bout as good as broken pottery
Maybe a Carribean cruise
Possibly a game where the other guys lose
So what is better than love
The answer is none of the above



"ness"
Awesomeness
Niftiness
Greatness
Excelentness
Lovliness
Adorableness

Remarkableness
Outstandingness
Beautifulness
Elgantness
Radicalness
Terrificness
Skalladelicness



I am a tree
I am a tree
My leaves blown in the wind
My roots sturdy in the ground
My branches swaying in the air
Winter has come
My leaves have fallen
I have become weak and tired
Waiting for spring to arrive again
I am a tree



Christmas
Merry Christmas I say
In the most joyous way
Bells ringing their sound
Family's gathering around
To see each other so happy
Opening gifts around the tree
When the best gift for me
Was you, nothing but you
And your love which is true
Whatever could I do
On Christmas without you
So let's stay together through the year
And never lose the Christmas cheer



Losing You
You know I think of you all the time
Is loving you such a crime
I don't know how it all went bad
I never thought I'd feel so sad
You're the best thing that ever happened to me
Can I open your eyes so that you can see
What we had could never fade away
Was there anyway I could've made you stay
How long can we remain friends
Until that also comes to a dreaded end
Losing you had to have been a mistake
The feelings I felt were anything but fake
All I want is you in my life
You made me smile through all the strife
Things are difficult enough anyway
I'd feel much better if I heard you say
"I think of you all the time still,
I love you, and I always will!"



Buried Treasure
I wouldn't give up these days for anything
These days i've spent with you
If I could hold them in my hand
i'd lock them up and bury them in the sand
To keep them as a great treasure of memories
When loving you is all the I did
These buried treasures I keep close to my heart
As more each day we grow closer instead of drifting apart
Being with you is all I ever want
Take me by the hand and i'll lead you on a treasure hunt



The Concert
Double A Double R
You're the coolest by far
Skankin' to the beat
Ya be movin' those feet
Your feet will never hurt
While midget punching with me at a concert
Getting all up in that mosh-pit
Not a moment at the show will we sit
We'll be jumping and screaming and skankin'
Jesus Christ is the only one we need to be thankin'
I just don't know what i'd do
If I had to skank by myself without you
When the feet get stompin' and the beat gets bumpin'
You know i'd be thinkin' of somethin'
We best be getting to that rudeboy show
Get your suits and ties, let's go



True Love
You know I missed you
That whole week
We didn't speak
My heart was dead
After hearing what you said
I thought I lost my world
I believe you're the only girl
I ever truly loved for real
Something about the way
You make me feel
You have to be an angel from above
I know it had to be true love
When I couldn't let go of you
Yet I knew you had to do what you had to
And now I miss you
More than ever
I hope my wishes come true
To spend my life together with you



Somethings Wrong
I'm sick to my stomach
With nervousness
I don't know what's wrong
So many things are going on
My head is confused
I don't know what's wrong
Figured we'd be moving
And everything would be fine
But I still don't know what's wrong
People disliked me
And now we're all friends
Still I don't know what's wrong
I'm so in love with her
And I always will be
And I don't know what's wrong
Everything seems to be falling
Right back into place
Yet something still feels so wrong



Wishes Fading Away
Will I ever be the same again
I can't lose another friend
Days have gone by so fast
Makes my future distant, and it blurs my past
I couldn't count all the things in my life
Which were good, or which brought strife
It seems my old way of thing had never went away
Yet I strive to change day after day
Sometimes I wonder why i'm even here
Most of my feelings leave me feeling the fear
Will my miracle come when I pray
Or will it just be another wish fading away



Writing Poems
I'm just dishing these things out
Left and right
I don't quite know
What's so special about tonight
Words are flowing from my fingers
Typing vigoursly on the keyboard
Some might not make sense
I may even misspell a word
But who really knows
Who really cares
What I do with the time I spend
Writing another poem
Writing them not for me, but perhaps you my friend



Future
I don't really have a point
To my life
Couple of years till I blow this joint
Get myself some kids and a wife
A nice little house with a doggy in the yard
Maybe I should excercise, get rid of this lard
All I need is some peace and quiet
Well my whole life is like that
Throwing my thoughts into an out of control riot
Police knockin' at my door
I scream at them, "Hey I don't live here anymore!"
Maybe they should lock me up in an institute
Slap me into one of those nice white suits
The ones with the sleeves tied behind the back
Keepin' me confined, getting my life back on track



Ska Mania
Do I seem a little overjoyed
Snappin' pictures with my polaroid
Swingin' my camera in my hand
Takin' pictures of band after band
Sweepin' up the dance floor
Just so I can dance a little more



Faith
Faith
The strength of a rock
Faith
The size of a seed
Faith
Is what we need
Faith
Helps us understand
Faith
Helps us to lend out a hand
Faith
Is how we believe in Jesus
Faith
Is believing he came to free us



Weeping
Why should I sit here and cry myself to sleep
Why should I have to stay and listen to myself weep
What have I ever done wrong
I know I'm not able to be strong
Why do I want myself to die
As I lay here and let out this cry
Will I ever cease to sorrow
Or will it all continue tommorow
I can't handle all this stuff
No one ever told me life was so tough



Pain
Will this hurting ever stop
Or will it come back
Like the crop

Will I wallow in my sorrow
Or will it disappear
By this time tommorow

Will this terror cease to haunt me
Or is it here forever
To taunt me

Is it wrong to think of death
Or do I have within me
Another breath

This pain is killing me
This loss has found me
What will I ever do
What will I ever say
Will I even survive one more day



The End
Something tells me you are near
There is something inside that kindles my fear
Is the end coming soon
Will I hear that glorious tune

There's something burning deep inside
Telling me to run and hide
Is the end coming soon
Will I hear that glorious tune

I know I asked for forgiveness
But my guilt has left me restless
Is the end coming soon
Will I hear that glorious tune

Angels singing, people believing
Fire falling, babies bawling
Will I get a second chance
Or will it be over in just one glance



Reading Poems
I'm sitting here
Reading all these poems
Where did all these words
Really truly come from
All the feelings In my life
All the troubles and strife
All the happiness and love
All these things I wrote of

I'm sitting here
Reading all these writings
And what i'm realizing is
That my whole life is here
From every smile to every tear
Every little thing I went through
All the small things that I do
Are all in the words that i've read
Creativity that my experiences led

So now it makes me feel good
To look back at all i've been through
And realize I ended the way that I did
And i'm happy with the way it was too