JADED: Sonnets, Epics, Lyrics, and Lies
Things were falling apart: the center could not hold.
For good and sufficient reason, the lovers were apart, separated by miles, hours, time zones. That was always burdensome, but hardly new, hardly grave, hardly cause for alarm.
For good and sufficient reason, they had lied to each other. And that was new, and grave, and potentially fatal. They had lied – little white lies, harmless lies, loving, well-meaning lies – about why the one could not accompany the other, about what the other was doing, and with whom, and why, while the one was gone.
The tides were drowning innocence.
'Hey, hon. How's my love? Bad day at the studio?'
'Rough. And I miss you. But even when you're away, you get me through. I sent you an email.'
'I'm staring it in the face now, sugarpie. I love you so much.'
James looked, for the dozenth time, at Josh's email:
When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heav'n with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featur'd like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts my self almost despising,
Haply I think on thee – and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.
'How's FreeLance biz?'
'Hmm? Oh. Goin' all right, I guess.'
'You sound – I dunno, jumpy. About my askin'.'
Oh God, God ... he's getting suspicious. 'No, hon. I was just lost there in the sonnet you sent.'
I hope that's all it is ... of course it is, you idiot ... you're projecting your own guilty conscience on James. 'I didn't mean anything, lover. I trust you.'
Oh Lord. 'I should hope so. Is it really that bad?'
Jesus he does suspect something! Fuck! 'What? What's bad?'
Oh shit. I don't like the sound of this. 'The studio work. I mean – "in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes" sounds rough as a cob – is there something you're not tellin' me? Do I need to come home and he'p you with anything?'
Fuck. Calm down, you dispshit, or he will get suspicious. 'Naw, hon. I'd love to have you home, but ... I have to stop being so clingy and such a drama queen – it was the last two lines that I was really thinking of anyway.'
A rivery field spread out below,
An odour of the new-mown hay
In his nostrils, the great lord of Chou
Cried, casting off the mountain snow,
'Let all things pass away.'
'Whoa. This is deep stuff, Joe.'
'Admit it, C. Much as we all love the Lansten, there's some things only I can turn you on to.' Joey bellowed a rich laugh, his eyes slitted in mirth, as JC tackled him, snickering.
'C, man, we can't do this here ... you goofball. Save it for a locked carrel.'
Being your slave what should I do but tend,
Upon the hours, and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend;
Nor services to do, till you require.
Nor dare I chide the world-without-end hour,
Whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you,
Nor think the bitterness of absence sour,
When you have bid your servant once adieu;
Nor dare I question with my jealous thought
Where you may be, or your affairs suppose,
But, like a sad slave, stay and think of nought
Save, where you are, how happy you make those.
So true a fool is love, that in your will,
Though you do anything, he thinks no ill.
'How was your day, honeybunch?'
'Well, it was fine until I got your email, James. I don't like the sound of that sonnet, somehow.'
'It seemed fitting when I found it on the Net. I thought you liked Shakespeare.'
'Oh, baby, you know I'm all into all that ... but that one ... are you trying to tell me something?'
Silence.
'James, you're scaring me –'
'Where were you today?'
'Huh?'
'It's a simple question, Joshua.'
Oh shit. 'Working on lyrics.'
'Your cell was off, you weren't answering at home, and the studio ... you haven't been there for three days.'
Busted. 'Babe. I was at Joe's. We've been working together. You can call him and ask.'
Silence, again.
'N- noooo ... no, I won't do that. You just better give the poor boy a solo for putting up with you.'
The best defense ... counter-attack, C. Quick. 'Do you not trust me anymore? Because I've had hell getting in touch with you the past few days, too, except at night. But you don't hear me going off.'
Hooo-boy.... 'Sugar.... I just really needed to reach you, to talk to you, and when I couldn't....'
Awww. I'm such a fuckup. 'Oh, babe, I am so sorry, it's just you're usually not the clingy one....'
'Josh –'
'Talk to me now. I'm here for you.'
'It's all right, it was only business. I made other arrangements.'
Why you cold-blooded son of a bitch. 'Just business. Well. Fine then. Listen, babe, I'm beat. I love you. Call me tomorrow?'
I'll be damned. 'Fine.'
'Try this one on for size.'
It seemed that a dragon of air
Had fallen among dancers, had whirled them round
Or hurried them off on its own furious path;
So the platonic Year
Whirls out new right and wrong,
Whirls in the old instead;
All men are dancers and their tread
Goes to the barbarous clangour of a gong.
'Joe?'
'Seems to fit. That dance you and Poofu do ... shit, man. Can you keep it up?'
'I – damn it, Joe. I need to go, man. Sorry, but –'
' 'S all good. I'll be waiting, man. Whenever you need me, call.'
'I guess I'll meet you there, then.'
'Well yeah, of course. I mean I wish you didn't have to go straight from the airport, but – of course I'll see you there.'
'When have I ever missed a premiere, anyway?'
'Okay, Mr Hollywood. Catch your flight. I – I do love you. I can't ... I can hardly wait to see you at the theatre.'
'I love you, Josh. Dress nice – and, um, normal, maybe?'
'Screw you.'
'We'll sneak out during the credits so you can.'
If the sky opened up for me,
And the mountains disappeared.
If the seas ran dry, turned to dust,
And the sun refused to rise
I would still find my way,
By the light I see in your eyes.
The world I know fades away
But you stay.
As the earth reclaims its due,
And the cycle starts anew,
We'll stay, always,
In the love that we have
Shared before time.
If the years take away
Every memory that I have
I would still know the way
That would lead me back to your side.
The North star may die
But the light that I see in your eyes
Will burn there always
Lit by the love we have
Shared before time.
When the forest turns to jade,
And the stories that we've made
Dissolve away
One shining light will still remain.
When we shed our earthly skin,
And when our real life begins,
There'll be no shame
Just the love that we have made before time.
They drove back to the hotel in silence from the Ang Lee premiere. Josh had had the earlier flight to LA, and had already ensconced himself at the hotel.
Halfway there, James started humming. Josh could only stand a few bars before he looked at the communicating window and the intercom, and made sure the driver could not hear them. Then he began singing, softly, plangently, soulfully, and James could not resist joining in, in perfect harmony:
As the earth reclaims its due,
And the cycle starts anew,
We'll stay, always,
In the love that we have
Shared before time.
They took the red-eye to Jackson the next morning, still – save for the one incident of song – behind their mutual, impermeable, and silent battlements. They had shared a bed, but slept as if there were a sword between them.
Josh broke the silence when they walked into James's – and his – house: their home, dear God, HOME. His bags hit the floor with a thud.
'My GOD,' he breathed.
'Um, Joshy, sugarpie? I – I wasn't completely honest with you about this last trip. I did have business to see to, but ... I had to do this, to learn about something I'd never known, never even known I was missing....'
'James ... God, James....' Josh's face glistened with tears. 'I understand, really. I mean, surprises happen this way, it's their nature.'
He moved to the display cabinets that now dominated the room. 'My God,' he repeated, reverently. 'I don't know what crash course you took but ... whoever was advising you ... it's ... wow. Gee. I mean, holy shit, James.'
'Well, hon, you're the one turned me on to it, with your interest in this stuff.'
Josh just nodded, transfixed. This was tangible, real, it would never drop in value – unlike the market. Just as an investment, it was a classic Bass stroke of genius. But it was so much more. It wasn't the most extensive collection – yet – he'd ever seen or read of, but it was one of the most select. Ming porcelain. T'ang porcelain. And the most exquisite, the most superb collection of jade he had seen or heard tell of ever in private hands.
It was a Bass stroke of genius all right: Josh's obsession with all things Chinese – and Japanese: there were inro and netsuke in the collection – and his obsession with the jade that was the shade and symbol of his love's soul-shaking eyes....
He wiped away fresh tears, and knelt before his lover.
'I was – I didn't tell you everything either, lover.' He leaned over and rummaged in a daypack. 'Joe ... Joe dragged me along to some courses he was auditing. I've been soaking in poetry, real poetry, trying to become a lyricist worthy of, like, writing about you, about us, someone who could write something like the theme from that movie, like "A Love Before Time" – and I'm not there yet, I never will be, maybe, but – this doesn't do you justice, but it's the best I can do.'
James sank to his knees facing his Joshy. 'I love it no matter what. Let me see.' He took the staff paper from Josh's shaking hand, focusing for now solely on the lyrics:
Jaded in Love
Jaded love, faded love – no, never, my love
Jade is constant as emerald
A jewel
Eternal, unbreakable, just like our love
A hard gemlike flame
Burning true
No jealousy – never, I trust you my love
With love green as young grass
In the dew
And strong as the stalk and the sap and the root
That drives the green age
Of the bloom.
Chorus:
Until emerald and jade and sapphire as well
Crumble in dust: until rust
Eats into pure silver and gold, I'll love you
And put all my faith in your trust.
True alloy, the touchstone, the assay weighed pure,
Solid gold all untarnished,
Our love;
The glass baubles of earth are but toys and no wealth,
Your love is my treasure
Above.
When time stills and the firmament cracks over us
Even then our two hearts
Shall stay one;
In the world's last dark night and the fire that refines,
We'll outlive, love, the death
Of the sun.
Chorus and Reprise:
Until emerald and jade and sapphire as well
Crumble in dust: until rust
Eats into pure silver and gold, I'll love you
And put all my faith in your trust.
Yes, though emerald and jade and sapphire as well
Crumble in dust: and though rust
Eats into pure silver and gold, I'll love you
And put all my faith in your trust.
James tried to see Josh's face, now, but the haze of tears prevented him; but he knew, he would always know, he would never not recognize the lips that touched his, as they fell, all barriers down, all guilt and all secrets expunged, into an embrace at once familiar and utterly new.
I did the dragon's will until you came
Because I had fancied love a casual
Improvisation, or a settled game
That followed if I let the kerchief fall:
Those deeds were best that gave the minute wings
And heavenly music if they gave it wit;
And then you stood among the dragon-rings.
I mocked, being crazy, but you mastered it
And broke the chain and set my ankles free,
Saint George or else a pagan Perseus;
And now we stare astonished at the sea,
And a miraculous strange bird shrieks at us.
On the chimneypiece, a very old jade Buddha grinned.
END
By the way: the sonnets are of course Shakespeare. The other poetry is that of Wm. Butler Yeats. 'A Love Before Time' is copyright Sony Classical Music, all rights reserved. And 'Jaded in Love' is something I dashed off for you guys one evening, for the story (though if Our Boys ever want it, I'll be very accommodating on the rights).