Recently, I read that for the first time in a long time that the U.S. Billboard Top 100 chart had no British acts on it--not one. Strange that our spate of lousy music in this country happens to occur at the same time. Coincidence? I think not! I say bring back the Brits (just like in the '80s)! Bring back the time when British music shook up American music and culture with their unique looks and sounds. Read more about bringing British music back to the charts inside...

Just before John Lennon died in 1980, he was asked in an interview about trends in music at that time. He said simply and concisely, "The '70s were a drag, man." That's the way I feel about music from the '90s and right into the 21st century. It's been quite a while that a decade's music stunk up the joint so bad, but I think we have one again reached that nadir that we only reached once before, in the '70s.

I really hate music today--no exceptions. I hate rap, I hate hip-hop, I hate "alterna-whatever-it-is this week". I hate white people trying to sound black. I hate what I call "frat-boy rock"--beefy twentysomething white guys with bad facial hair, tattoos, and baseball caps on backward, leaping all over the stage like crippled frogs. I hate the guys who mash their mouths up against the microphone and scream some distorted wail like a wolverine is chewing their feet off.

And don't even talk to me about the overproduced, manufactured teenybop garbage and overproduced, manufactured junk under the now-bastardized term "R&B". Boy bands, bellybutton queens, "soul" chicks who spend the first 25 seconds of any song meandering all over the scale like they can't find a tune or a lyrics sheet...not even worth the time it takes to type these words.

Yes, I'm biased--I do believe today's music really rots. (Don't e-mail me to try to convince me otherwise; I'm not going to change my mind.) However, I'm not mired in the '80s. Although I will resort to the '80s station when I feel the need to listen to the radio, which isn't often (and even that disappoints me, with WAY more John Mellencamp than is good for anybody), I would gladly welcome a new, appealing type of popular music. There just doesn't happen to be a decent type around lately.

Now, recently I read that for the first time in a long time, the U.S. Billboard Top 100 chart had no British acts on it--not one. I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't notice and, if they had this fact pointed out, wouldn't care, but it sure hit me hard.

Strange that our recent spate of lousy music happens to occur at the same time as the dearth of British acts on our Billboard chart. Coincidence? I think not.

Granted, not all British music is automatically fantastic just because it comes from those several small countries east of the Atlantic (Rick Astley, anyone?), but I still suspect that without those folks with the cool accents and daring fashion sense, we have been lulled into a sort of isolationist complacency.

Since Americans finally booted those of our mother country off our shores, the British have returned twice, and we welcomed them both times, because they revolutionized our music and affected our culture, shaking us awake from the doldrums we were mired in.

Say what you want about Madonna, Michael Jackson, Prince, and, yes, John "Cougar" Mellencamp dominating the pop charts, but let's not forget about those from across the pond who got the whole '80s thing off on the right pointy-toed black leather-booted foot (with a scarf tied around the ankle, of course).

Even now, just saying the name Madness will get at least two people in your general vicinity to line up and start recreating their famous pose, fists up, knees bent, backs bent the other way, into ska pretzels, walking in a tight line. Ah, what I wouldn't give to hear One Step Beyond right now...

From those four small countries, we got so much in such a short span of time. The majority of our country may not have figured out punk in time, but we embraced New Wave, Ska, Britpop, and even British Metal.

Besides the music, we adopted their cool fashions--the aforementioned pointy boots, scarves everywhere, collars that grazed our ears...Oh, and the hair! Howard Jones! A Flock of Seagulls! The Alarm! Kajagoogoo! We will never see their gelled, blow-dried, teased-out likes again!

Speaking of hair, under the banner of British music we got pretty boys like Duran Duran, Adam Ant, the Police, ABC, Howard Jones, Paul Young, Kajagoogoo, and Wham! We also got a sexual identity shakeup with the Culture Club, the Cure, Pet Shop Boys, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, Human League (and Wham!?); and we got just plain odd--consider A Flock Of Seagulls (and Wham!?). Most of all, we got killer music: Elvis Costello, the Jam, XTC...even David Bowie returned as (gasp!) himself!

I haven't even scratched the surface. The Beat, Billy Idol, Modern English, Spandau Ballet, Depeche Mode, Bananarama, Naked Eyes, Big Country, OMD, Dire Straits, Nik Kershaw, Thomas Dolby, U2, Steve Winwood, A-Ha, Blancmange, Simple Minds, Tears for Fears, Thompson Twins...I know I've left out dozens more. Heck, they even conquered metal, which I can't comment on myself, without sounding completely ignorant, but I do know the names Def Leppard and Iron Maiden.

All of that within just a few years is an amazing feat. That's got me wondering what the Brits have been brewing over the past several years. Anything half as good? If so, bring it on. An invasion of our country, at least one of the musical and pop culture kind, would be welcome right about now. After all, they're playing John Mellencamp an awful lot again...

 

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Jayne Denker is a thirty something writer who will work on just about any writing assignment, anyplace, anytime as long as it's something nifty associated with pop culture--especially GenX, of course--and/or entertainment. She is actually employed full time as a web content manager but also fills any free time she may happen to find on her hands with freelance writing assignments to offset the "manager" nonsense. Jayne lives with her husband and three psycho kitties (qu'est que c'est) in quite a small lakeside cottage in western New York state. When she's not writing or "managing," she enjoys loafing/watching movies, cleaning up after the psycho kitties, designing web sites, reading, and making magic. E-mail