Hello hello hello!
OK, let's get the boring mundane stuff out of the way first. A bunch o' you people out there have never got one of these here thingies before. It's called a Whether Report. Obviously. I'm the Whether Woman. Again, pretty obvious. If you don't want to get something this crazy ever again, e-mail me and yell at me. Or write. I love getting stuff in the mail.
All right, now that that's over with...

here comes...

THE WHETHER REPORT!!! *dan dada DAAAAAN*

Thank you, I accept your adulation gracefully.
Merry Autumn everyone! And I know the actual equinox was two or three days ago, you don't need to remind me. My usual flair for getting things done almost on time has... um... whoosh! zoom! Something like that.
Anyway, since it is Fall, let me ask you, What is Fall?
You don't have any idea either?
Oh... um... all right... well...
Ha, gotcha, didn't I. Actually I knew all along just exactly What is Fall. Ha. Ha.
Ha.
All right, here we go. Fall is that time of year when some people get strange urges to dance around bonfires. Urges to harvest pumpkins in big red wagons filled with straw, and then take them to Safeway and sell them for $20 each, buy a cranberry seedling with the profits, take it home, kill the pet turkey, cover it in cranberry sauce, and feed it to someone who happens to be a relation, who then has heart palpitations and has to be taken to the ER for an X-ray, when it turns out that they were the person who ate your remote control airplane all those years ago. Urges to dress in black and dangle plastic spiders in peoples faces. Urges to crash a party wearing a mask so no one knows who they are. Urges to climb trees, scratch their armpits, and yell swear words in Dutch to passerby's.
Of course, some people don't.
It doesn't really matter, of course, because it's not How you do it, it's What you do. I mean... strike that. Reverse it. Anyway, it'll be Autumn Whether or not you do all that crazy stuff. And it'll be spring on March 21st even if it's raining and the groundhog still sees his shadow.
And I've written so much gibberish that my mind has gone blank and I'm not gonna write anymore.
So Welcome to the Wonderful World of Whether!

Signing Out,

The Whether Woman
a.k.a. Marina Moses