I never wanted this job in the first place. I wanted to be... a lumberjack!

Oops, sorry, wrong job there...

*ahem*
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, put your hands together for the one and only Whether Woman!

Thank you, thank you so much. I love you too.
Well, somehow I seem to be a little behind schedule. (Not like any of you care, but hey...) So you'll have to exercise your imagination and go back in time... back... back to last Thursday, May 27th. You are sitting at your computer... when suddenly.. up pops an e-mail from the Whether Woman. Yes! It's the one you've all been waiting for! It's the May Whether Report!
Thank you.
Well, of course the theme for this month is Procrastination. Of course.
The first law of procrastination is that you must have something to procrastinate. Check that one off here. Next, you must have an excuse. 'I had to feed the dog my homework' does not cut it. Your excuse must be at least somewhat reasonable. If you must, lie. I happen to have a whole litany. You see, first it was too early in the month to write a report. Then in mid May I was incredibly busy all the time. I went to a concert or a play every single weekend. Then in late May I had City College finals, and I had to study for those. And I went camping twice. And I couldn't think of anything to write.
Notice those 'ands.' Those are very important. You want to overwhelm your listener until they don't care what you didn't do, they just want to get it over with.
The third rule of procrastination is that you must dedicate yourself to procrastination. It is unacceptable to procrastinate for a day a project that is due in a week. You must procrastinate the whole week and do the project the night before it's due. Or preferably the next morning.
I think I've set a record in that department. A month overdue isn't bad.
And that concludes the Whether Report. Now go put something off!

The Whether Woman

sometimes known as
marina