Meanwhile, in the forest nearby:
Ter wiped the rain off the back of his neck again. “Why couldn’t I have been a butler or a farmer or something?” he muttered. “And why does ‘knight’ have to equal ‘hardship’ anyway?”
“What did you say, my lord?” asked his faithful squire Alon from behind him.
Ter twisted around in his saddle to answer. “Nothing, just grumping about these dripping trees.”
Alon sneezed. “Not to be disrespectful or anything sir, but could we please stop at that castle up there?” He gestured hopefully.
“Castle? Where?” Ter sat bolt upright, causing his stallion Manan to toss his head.
Alon pointed. “Right there, my lord… straight ahead and a little to the left.” He sneezed again and sniffed.
Ter nodded eagerly. “I see it. Bless you and your good eyes, Alon.” He turned Manan through the sodden trees towards the castle, but had to rein back sharply when a woman on a delicate mare suddenly rode out of the trees towards him. Both horses shied and it was a few seconds before Ter could get a good look at the sudden arrival.
He couldn’t see her face at all. She was wearing a lavender cloak with a large hood that hid her entire head. She controlled her horse expertly with smooth white hands, a lady’s hands. But what would a lady be doing out in the woods on a day like this? She was heading away from the castle, the opposite direction Ter and Alon were going. Ter looked at her warily, then mentally shrugged. He had nothing to lose.
“Lady,” he said, and bowed as well as he could from the back of a horse.
Suddenly, a peal of thunder rang out. Ter jumped, startled. Then Alon screamed and pointed at the sky. “Look! The sky is on fire!” He screamed again in sheer terror, and galloped away as fast as he could. But before he could get more than forty paces away, a blinding bolt of lightning shot from the sky and fried him and his little horse too. He didn’t even have time to scream as he burned to ashes in an instant.
The lady gaped at where the boy used to be. Her lack of action proved to be her doom, for all of a sudden lightning struck all the trees around her and her beautiful purple cloak caught on fire. Her death was longer than Alon’s, and much more painful. She had time to cry out, but there was nothing anyone could do.
Ter looked away. He couldn’t watch the agonizing sight. Just then thunder boomed out again. Ter looked up just in time to see a meteorite the size of Texas boiling through the sky—straight at him.

Frieda smiled and reread the last few lines of her story. “A meteorite the size of Texas,” she happily read out loud. She selected the whole text and pasted it into an e-mail. She typed ‘wunderbrd@aol.com’ in the To box and clicked Send. A few seconds later an Instant Message popped up. It was Wunderbrd, who said, ‘Frieda, you are so twisted.’ Frieda grinned and typed. Her message came up in the box.
Shimmrfairy: yeah, well, what do you think of the story?
Wunderbrd: I was just starting to like it when you killed them all off!
Shimmrfairy: *shrugs* I got tired of them
Wunderbrd: then do something about it! Make them more interesting
Shimmrfairy: why?
Wunderbrd: BECAUSE I LIKE THE FREAKING STORY!!!
Shimmrfairy: lol
Wunderbrd: be afraid. be very afraid.
Shimmrfairy: right. shorty :P
Wunderbrd: all right, that’s it. *ties you to the middle lane of the Brooklyn Bridge and drops a horse on you* *laughs maniacally*
Shimmrfairy: this conversation is degenerating fast
Wunderbrd: you’re degenerate
Shimmrfairy: I need to get off, I have IMPORTANT things to do :P
Wunderbrd: just write the story, k?
Shimmrfairy: fine, all right, just for you Gena
Wunderbrd: talk to ya later then
Shimmrfairy: ttyl

“Lady,” Ter said, and bowed as well as he could from the back of a horse.
The woman drew herself up inside her cloak and nodded. “Sir,” she said, slightly distant. Or perhaps she was shy.
Ter decided to be as blunt as possible under the rules of chivalry. He was cold and wet and it was obvious from Alon’s sniffles that he wasn’t doing so well either. “May I enquire whom I am addressing?” he said.
“Lani,” the woman said, rather abruptly.
Ter squinted, trying to see inside that gigantic hood. “Just Lani?” If she didn’t have a title or even a family name, perhaps this wasn’t a lady.
The woman sighed a little. “No. Not just Lani.” She paused and seemed to examine Ter’s face. He tried hard not to look puzzled and suspicious. Finally she spoke. “Can I trust you?”
Ter drew himself up, insulted. “Lady, I am a knight of Osan! All the world knows that name. No man nor woman may presume to cast doubt upon it.”
“You have no shield, no crest,” the lady pointed out. “You’re not even wearing armor.”
“You may have noticed the damp,” Ter said frigidly. “I prefer not to spend an hour every evening sanding rust off my armor.”
“Not to mention the smell,” muttered Alon. “And you’re not the one who usually does the sanding.” Ter glared at him, thoroughly annoyed with the world.
The lady nodded graciously. “I apologize then, sir knight, but you can see how I made the mistake.” She threw back her hood.
Ter gasped in shock. Now he saw why she had such a large hood. The lady had a gigantic nose!
“I’ve seen pigs smaller than that nose!” gasped Alon.
“You don’t exactly have a pug nose yourself,” retorted the lady. “More like a pug dog!”
“Don’t insult my squire!” Ter said angrily. “I am known far and wide as the Knight of the Large-Nosed Countenance. I defend all those far and wide with generously proportioned noses.”
“Then defend me,” the lady snapped. “Who art thou that thou letest thy squire insult ladies with not inconsiderable noses?”
“I like him better than you,” said Ter maliciously, and ran her through with his lance.

Wunderbrd: I HATE YOU!!!
Shimmrfairy: oh come on, it’s just a story.
Wunderbrd: but it’s a good story… or it could be if you didn’t keep killing everyone!
Shimmrfairy: I just get bored with it, I don’t think it’s a very good story
Wunderbrd: you just insulted me really bad you know
Shimmrfairy: … I did?
Wunderbrd: yeah, I just said I liked your story and then you said it’s bad, that’s a deadly insult to my judgement
Shimmrfairy: it’s not, I just disagreed with you, friends can do that
Wunderbrd: not my friends, not if they want to stay alive!!!
Shimmrfairy: ok, ok, I’ll write the story
Wunderbrd: thank you.
Shimmrfairy: when Gena starts making death threats it’s time to run!
Wunderbrd: hey!
______________________________
Previous message was not received by Shimmrfairy because of error: User Shimmrfairy is not available.

The lady nodded graciously. “I apologize, sir knight, but you can see how I made the mistake.” She threw back her hood.
Ter gaped. This was definitely no peasant woman. Her features were fine and white as though they had never seen the sun. Her hair was very dark, and spilled out from under her hood to curl around her face. However, it was short, an inch or so below her ears, and it was cut unevenly like a peasants.
“I am the daughter of a Duke,” Lani said, “and I am running away.”
“The—you’re—but—why?” Ter stuttered.
“I am being forced into a marriage against my will,” Lani explained. “I would like to claim your protection and ask you to escort me to the castle of my relatives, King Ri’ifinadiam and Queen Gertrude where I will claim sanctuary.”
Ter nodded understandingly. Same old story. This was the third one this month, although the other two had only been daughters of Barons.
He felt Alon tugging at his cloak. He bowed to Lani and said, “Excuse me a moment,” and then he turned Manan aside a few steps.
“Are you crazy?” Alon whispered fiercely. “We can’t afford to protect and feed another one! I don’t care if she is pretty and maybe an heiress to tons of gold, but—” He stopped at the expression on Ter’s face.
“Of course! Alon, you’re brilliant!” He turned back to Lani, hardly hearing Alon’s groan. “I will escort you to the castle of King Ri’ifa—uh, the castle of Queen Gertrude on one condition.”
Lani raised an eyebrow. “And that is what?”
“That you marry me,” Ter said, and waited smugly for her reaction.
It wasn’t quite what he was expecting. First her mouth fell open. Then a look of disgust came into her eyes. Then a look of horror. Then she started laughing. Ter felt insulted and maybe even a little hurt.
Lani finally got control of herself and gasped, “Are you crazy? I would never marry a bum like you! I want security! Long range planning! A few maids! And besides, you stink.” And with that she pulled out a rifle, shot his horse, and rode him down.
With his dying breath, Ter beckoned to Alon. As the squire knelt by his side, Ter gasped. “Alon—I want you to—” He stopped and took a laboring breath.
“Yes master?” said Alon. “Whatever you wish of me I will do.”
“I—want—”
“Yes? Go on, master.”
“Gun control!” Ter gasped, and expired.

Wunderbrd: I swear to god Frieda…
Shimmrfairy: well?
Wunderbrd: you are DEAD if you kill these people off one more time!
Shimmrfairy: look, I just don’t like the story. maybe you should write it
Wunderbrd: just try something different, maybe more comedy
Shimmrfairy: I think it’s pretty funny as is
Wunderbrd: come on, you know what I mean
Shimmrfairy: really, I just don’t know where to go with it
Wunderbrd: hey, lets meet for lunch or something and talk about it
Shimmrfairy: kewl, this Friday at mcD’s good?
Wunderbrd: sounds great!
Shimmrfairy: ok, see you then!
Wunderbrd: later

Frieda was glad she came early. The restaurant was hopping. People were sitting at almost all of the tables. She stacked the papers of her story on the table in front of her. It looked really cool to actually have a stack of papers. It made the story more real somehow. She looked up and saw Gena coming through the crowd.
“Hey girl!” Gena said as she came closer.
Frieda stood up to hug her. Gena only came up to Frieda’s shoulder, in spite of the fact that she was fifteen and Frieda was a year younger. “Good to see you!” she said.
Gena sat down. “Alright, down to business. You brought your story?”
“Yes, a hard copy no less. It seems longer on paper. Inspiring.”
“Good! Where are you planning to go with it?”
“Honestly, Gena, I really don’t know. All I can think of is to keep killing them off.”
Gena glared at her. “That’s horrible, Frieda. It’s really mean of you to keep slaughtering them like this.”
Frieda frowned. “It’s just a story.”
“Well, how would you feel if someone kept killing you off?”
“Gena, are you ok?”
“I’m serious, Frieda!”
“Ok, ok, you don’t have to yell. Seriously, if someone kept killing me off, which is not likely because this is real life—don’t interrupt—I wouldn’t feel anything. I’d be dead.”
Gena stood up and leaned across the table. “How do you know this is real life? How do you know there isn’t some other girl somewhere just typing this on a computer? How do you know she isn’t plotting our deaths this instant?”
Frieda was about to reply when someone screamed outside. The double doors at the front of the restaurant slammed open. Everyone was screaming and trying to hide under the tables. Frieda didn’t move. She stared, stupefied, at the people coming in. They were on horses! One of them looked like a knight in full regalia. He had armor, a sword, and a gigantic lance, which he balanced in his stirrup. Another was a boy in medieval clothing. The third was a beautiful lady in a lavender cloak. She had an enormous hood pulled half way over her head.
Frieda gasped in shock. She couldn’t seem to move or speak. This was impossible!
The knight spoke. “Frieda!”
Against her will, Frieda got to her feet.
“You have been cruel, Frieda. And you will be punished.” The knight’s voice boomed throughout the building. Slowly he rode towards her. Frieda was immobilized with fear.
The knight drew his sword and raised it high above his head. “Never kill your characters in a story!” he thundered, and brought his sword crashing down.
Frieda was powerless to move. She couldn’t take her eyes off the knight. Then she felt the table beside her shatter as the sword hit it. She swallowed. What horror would happen next?
Suddenly, for no reason at all, the whole restaurant exploded.

—End—