Most of my life right now is just thinking... which is EXTREMELY
pleasant, and something I've never really gotten enough time to do before.
I'm just being. you know, being vs. doing... I've always been
'doing' and enjoying it a lot, but now I'm just being. Eating. Reading.
Thinking. Making daisy chains. Whatever I happen to be doing... but it's
just different. I don't know... just a different frame of mind I guess.
I'm extremely in the moment. And you can't help but love being
in the moment. Cause moments are good. They are. I love moments and images
and single thoughts that jump out...
The hardest thing is coexisting with the rest of the world though.
(read: my parents...) My parents see me just lounging around, spending
too much time on the computer (which was why I had to get off last night,
cause I was not supposed to be on the computer and they were due home soon)
and not being productive. Well, I'm not being productive. And I'm not feeling
guilty for it. Except when I start saying to myself "You should do this.
You should do that. Why aren't you doing this?" But most of the time I
can shut myself up.
My life is not activities anymore. My life is not what I do,
it's what I am! And that's so nice. To know that I even have a life outside
of what I do. Cause I didn't for a long time, really... or I did, but I
had no access to it.
Now I'm depending too much on what my friends think of me...
on how much a part of communities I am. But I have enough time to think
about it, to recognize and fix it. I don't know if I could do this forever...
but I am so glad I've done it for at least a few months. Next philosophical/psychological
project: being, and doing activities too!
