All around the country you seem 'em in your yards, climbing on trees, scurrying across roads, and collecting their nuts for winter. To common everyday folk, they seem like harmless little creatures. But we have captured one of these creatures with our homemade squirrel catcher (details on that later). After hours of interrogation, body cavity searches, and finally a dissection, we discovered that these bastards are not the harmless little creatures that you once thought were. Now, we ain't no electricians or nothing, but there's something unnatural about small cameras for eyeballs. We also found complex transmitting and receiving devices located in the bushy tail, as well as ears equipped with recording devices. Yea, and you though they were so cute. Through careful investigation of these devices, it was revealed that these animals are part of an elite surveillance team funded and handled by the U.S. Government. Folks, big brother a sneaky asshole. Through capture of other squirrels, confirming our findings, we obtained information regarding the secret squirrel training facility in Billings, Montana. We went there. In the outskirts of Billings we discovered the base disguised as an abandoned logging mill, a virtual proving ground for new squirrel initiates. The operation, named ESP - Elite Squirrel Patrol, is a highly secured government project in this remote woodland state.
Why squirrels you ask, because they are perfect for surveillance work. Think about it, they are usually unnoticeable to everyone except the family dog. They have a perfect view into your secluded homes and businesses from their tree top canopies. Sending hundreds of images via tail transmission, the pentagon now has the ability to bug any outdoor and publics areas.
Possible sites disguesed as timber mills
Reporting by Cooter and Willy
