Friday, January 26, 2001~6:17pm
Yay! I won a site award! haha! although, the link is down, i'm still proud! yay! go me! I've had a rather uneventful day so far. yah. Well, sorta. I still have the night to go. I think I'm gonna to the Grounds (a local coffee shop) and bum for a few hours tonight, but I'm not sure. you know. I may just stay here isolated nicely in my room. Audrey headed home for the weekend. It was really snowy out (FUCK!) this morning. I hate snow. She left a note. yeah. I'm glad she did (leave a note that is). I'm going to um... fucking... yeah... i don't fucking remember.... oh, well. This next segment is a bit depressing... sorry...

Well, on to the sadly slightly eventful part of my day. I called my homophobic Father (nice foreshadowing, huh?) this morning at around 11:30am. He was home and happy to hear from me. I told him I was sending receipts. We were talking a while. He bought that new Godsmack CD. I didn't tell him that I had never listened to them... or that I'd heard that they were modern buttrock (mullet rock. for further info check out Mullets Galore) So anyway, we were talking and he was telling me about stuff and I decided to bitch about my classes. (my tue/thur classes) and I was telling him about my fucking Modern Africa class. He was sympathetic and understood about the Female Genital Mutilation stuff. But, then I told him how the prof. had said that there are no homosexuals in Africa and how there are homosexuals everywhere! And Dad goes, "unfortunately." He said some other shitty stuff that I don't remember. Hmph. maybe i don't wanna remember. We had a good talk except for that. It didn't bother me until we got off the phone and I was thinking. You know that's ME he's talking about. ME ME ME. His own fucking child. I really should tell him I'm gay. I just want to wait until we are better friends, like we use to be, when I was younger. (for more info on that) We use to be close when I was in middle school. Ma thinks I should wait until he doesn't have to pay for my schooling, which is a couple of years away, so he doesn't stop paying for college. I don't know. It really fucking hurts when someone who you want to love you says really shitty things about you that they don't even realize are about you. You know? * sigh* I AM SOO NOT GOING TO CRY ABOUT THIS BULLSHIT. My Dad hasn't really liked me since I was 15 or so, anyway. I am LUCKY, though. I have an extremely supportive Mom, Doug (Mom's partner of 14yrs.), and Amber. Plus, all of my friends. Maybe I should stop waiting until I'm ready and just fucking tell him. Maybe I shouldn't give a shit. Maybe I should tell him that I don't want to hear him fucking talking shit like that. I'm not going to just stop talking to him. FUCK! I AM SOO NOT GOING TO CRY OVER THIS. IT'S FUCKING SHIT. * SIGH* Maybe I'll just fucking tell him. I don't fucking know. ~see ya. xoxox

February 3, 2001~10:30pm
I'm watching a documentary on Betty Page. It's very interesting. I worked a whole shitload today. I'm tired. Maybe I'll go to bed early... who knows? probably not. Oh,well.

I saw Jack today. I was telling him how I'm planning on writing a letter to my father, coming out. He said he hadn't come out to his father yet, either. I tried calling Anne when I was at work today... she wrote a letter to her parents when she came out. I was going to ask her for advice, but all I got was the answering machine. so yeah. I'm going to try to get to bed... goodnight...

Thursday, March 1, 2001~
Oh, shit... Yeah... I didn't want to go to my Africa class or my poetry class today, so I didn't. heh... I called Dad and we talked for a while... when it was time to get off the phone, I was like, "I have a letter for you, but I don't want to send it." he said, "then, don't". I was like, "But I have to tell you about this because I don't want to worry about one of your friends or whatever in Plymouth to see me and tell you about what a horrible person I am." And he said, "don't worry so much. You are an adult and you should live your life as you see fit. I am your Dad and I'll always be your Dad. I love you." I was crying. I was like, "I know how you feel about certain things and I don't want you to hate me." He said, that he probably won't change how he feels about things but that he loves me and that I shouldn't worry so much, because it wouldn't change that he's my dad. So, I've decided to mail the letter to him. I added a page and a half, but I decided to mail it today. I also emailed Aunt G~ Dad's sister, to tell her about me, since Joe already knows. I think she'll take it well.

Um... I did go to film class... Then, Cynthia and I were sitting outside talking... I told her about my dilemma with 'coming out' to Dad... and my letter... and she told me about her impending weddign and we talked about the Women's studies department... It was nice. Then, Chemutai came out of the building and sat and talked with us for a while... then, Jeff, my WS 400 teacher showed up and spoke with us... Audrey came up shortly after that... Then, Cynthia, then Chem left and Jon walked up... I really had a good time... I felt like I had a bit of a life. hehe. Soon, Jeff went upstairs, and Jon left. Audrey and I went to drop my library science class, and then we went to the post office to check my mail, mail my letter to Dad (I DID IT!!) and participate in the anti-death penalty protest. It was so crazy-fun. hehe. Tons of people we knew went by. I waved. The crazy girls on our floor, Josie, Steph, Danielle, and Holly all drive by. They were shouting and whistling at us! I laughed. This scary redneck type guy started shouting stuff at us, and Audrey shouted back at him... I thought he was gonna try to start something with her. For real.

After the protest, we went to dinner, and to the play. We went to see the school production of "MIKADO"~ it started out kinda slow, I was a bit apprehensive, because it was a musical and I usually can't stand musicals, but I LOVED it! It was SOO funny! I actually laughed out loud, which is rare. I had SUCH a great time! I was really glad that we went! A girl from my poetry class was in it. She's really good. On the downside, there was this bitch sitting behind us who had to be an asshole. Like, the first time, people applauded, she kept applauding long after everyone has stopped, and to make things worse, she said "OH, sorry, I missed it" REALLY loud! On top of that, she had her FUCKING CELLPHONE on and had an entire conversation with her mother during the play! Audrey wanted to turn around and say something to the girl, but the girl would have made a scene. During the intermission, I ran off to go to the bathroom and when I got back I jumped into my seat, threw my arm around Audrey and got up in her face and said "Hi, Audrey" in a sorta trampy way. hehe. I thought it was funny, but the girl and the guy she was with behind us about had a heart attack because I had my arm around another GIRL. SO, I was like "Fuck them" and kept my arm around Audrey for the rest of the play! Poor Audrey. heh. I was just being a hoochie, but I WAS NOT going to let them homophobic fuckers think that I was intimidated by their gasps and harsh words. FUCK THEM! HA! bastards.

SO, after the play, I found out that I had forgotten to write a paper... bleh... I almost thought about not writing it. I'll go to bed early and write it tomorrow. (hopefully) hehe... yeah goodnight. XOXO

That's all for now.... This is your favorite Fairy Dyke signing out. xo.