Some of My Bathroom Experiences Over the Years

Using one of those bathrooms that are too small and the lock doesn't work. Just as I am about to get up, the door slams into my head. As if I don't have enough trouble with my brain.
Walking into the women's bathroom at my favorite marina and seeing a man standing there sputtering, “Sorry, I don't have my contacts in!” Was he sorry he couldn't see me or the sign?
Going to the bathroom (the whole works) in a foreign country and finding out that I don't know how to flush the toilet! Lesson: learn the language.
Sitting on a toilet seat in Japan and having it burn my butt (the seats there are heated).
Walking through the airport in Narita, Japan, with toilet paper hanging out of my ass and having a shy Japanese woman point it out. That's what I get for thinking I am cool.
Sitting in a public restroom stall putting Fixodent on my false teeth, only to drop them and have them slide into the next stall, which happened to be occupied. Lesson: once you leave home, keep your teeth in.
Sitting on the pot at my favorite marina listening to a strange man, as he peeked his head in the door, saying "Honey, oh honey, whatcha doin’?" I wish I could have seen his face when my raspy voice replied, "Taking a dump." The door slammed and I heard loud, running footsteps. I hope he found his wife.