THE DAILY TRAVESTY for January 13,
2000
Volume 1, Issue 9
brought to you by B.C.
Tucker is da man
Ye have locked
yerselves up in cages of fear; and,
behold, do ye now
complain that ye lack freedom.
--LORD OMAR KHAYYAM RAVENHURST, K.S.C.
"Epistle to the
Paranoids,"
The Honest Book of
Truth
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SOME BITCHING AND GRIPING, sent in by Melinda M.
(edited)
So you want something to bitch about?
["actually, no, I have enough to bitch about. I just want to hear you
bitch." -B.C.] I've had the week from hell. Monday dawned happily,
with me coming into work and actually doing some work for once. Then
around 12:30, while I'm eating lunch (which is apparently another sin of which
my boss doesn't approve...) [my boss] comes in and tells me to come to her
office, where she proceeds to be the ex-military commando hell-bitch that we all know and love. She takes her heavy
machinary and basically rips open every single half-healed emotional wound,
leaving me at the end crying and very very mad... she sits me down, tells
me that this is my notice and that she's doing me a favor by firing me.
Says that I "misrepresented my skill level" at the job interview.
Hog-wash, I said that I wasn't a programmer and that I'd never done real
site overhauls, but was looking forward to it. She said that I obviously
had no html (yeah, right, people!!) skills, and no photoshop, then proceeded to
give me step by step instructions on how to work photoshop (I've
written photoshop tutorials for my aunt!! haa-looo!!)...Oi vey. What a
week. I could rant more about the bitch-boss lady...
***Please send your own bitch-fests to
the editor to be printed. We do not consider it our place to
judge said bitch-fests, so please send in whatever makes your blood
boil even if it seems "wrong" or "selfish." We are only here to
applaud your naturally aggressive instincts. Feel free to inject as much
primal force as needed-- the more raw energy we feel, the louder we are
likely to cheer. Plus, we think the more honest you are, the better you'll
feel.
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Educate Yourself--Learn Geography
an update from Tucker
Weather report:
Wednesday, January 12, 2000. The sun rose at 7:10 a.m. in Jupiter,
Florida. Mysterious totems on the beach.
Mental note: Stay away
from beach at night. Everyone in the Corinthians Condominiums has tiny
dogs because the rule is that you have to be able to carry your dog in the
elevator. Traversing the beach, Tucker found a shell in the distinct shape
of a penis. Tucker has the flu. Tonight he will watch four horror
movies, including the final Friday the 13th "Jason Goes to Hell," because
watching horror movies is a hell of a lot more fun than having flu fever
nightmares. That's all about Florida.
Meanwhile, B.C. saw President Clinton riding in a limosine
today in D.C. (you really can't miss the hair when the windows aren't tinted)
and found himself amazed that the President is a real person who occupies
three-dimensional space. That may sound silly but YOU
try looking at somebody for the first time who you have previously only seen on
T.V.
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