THE DAILY TRAVESTY for January 7, 2000
    Volume 1, Issue 5
    made possible by B.C.'s family and friends
    and, of course, the Little People
 
 
A horny young priest of Peoria
Lived in ecstatic euphoria
He had lots of fun
Fucking a nun
While chanting the Sanctus and Gloria

 
An Important Message from the Editor
 
We at the TRAVESTY would like you to know that the bawdy limericks gracing our page as of late in know way reflect our attitudes toward women or towards organized religion.  B.C. and Tucker are very much in favor of women... wait, that doesn't sound right... let me try that again.  B.C. and Tucker in fact really like women... no, hold on... ahem, B.C. and Tucker genuinely value the sexual freedom of women... dammit!
 
Seriously, we at the TRAVESTY do not intend to offend anyone and pray that our jokes and attempts to make light of traditional stereotypes are understood as just that-- humor-- and nothing more.  In hard, cold, three-dimensional reality, the editors are both quite spiritually androgynous and very much in support of everyone's rights, uniqueness, and personal beliefs.  Said limericks are printed with confidence in our readers' understanding of that fact, and in the name of fun.  ("Actually, I don't quite know where those limericks are coming from; they seem to appear only after I press SEND.  Somebody must be fucking with me." --B.C.)
 
("The truth is, he just likes bawdy limericks." --Tucker)

 
NEW SECTION!!
 
I had better explain what you are about to see before I print it.  The TRAVESTY has decided to publish a weekly horoscope section every Friday, written by journalist/astrologer Eric Francis, trusted friend of B.C.  Now before you say "Oh no, don't tell me the TRAVESTY has bought into that New Age crap and is going to make me read it too," let me say a piece.
 
First of all, I know you enjoy reading horoscopes even if you don't believe in astrology because almost everyone enjoys reading horoscopes.  They are about your favorite subject, after all... YOU.  
 
Second of all, B.C. is the biggest skeptic on the face of the earth when it comes to New Age crap.  B.C. hates New Age crap.  It nauseates him almost as much as fundamentalism nauseates him. (can anyone see the common denominator?)  And so, you can safely conclude that there must be something legitimate here.
 
I began studying astrology last Spring, for curiosity's sake and because at the time I was looking for some answers and couldn't seem to find them anywhere else.  I went into it prepared to dismiss it as mostly rubbish, which is what I almost always do concerning "New Age" practices and anything which in general seems too sure of itself.  If even a single piece of something doesn't seem right to my highly geared discrimination, I will scrap it.  I enjoy scrapping things because pretense irritates me.
 
Since then I have read over fourteen books on the subject, worked with over 15 charts, and in general had my mind blown away.  Let me say this, for you fellow skeptics out there: it isn't what you think it is.  I'll bet you fifty bucks.  It especially isn't the kind of astrology you read in the Comics section of the newspaper.  That's mostly superficial crap designed to make money on people's stupidity, and with the least possible effort.  Real astrology involves much more than your sun sign, i.e. the sign most of you think you are.  I'm sure I can't explain how or why to anyone's satisfaction, but I know, because I've experienced it, that astrology works.  It works so well it is often chilling.
 
Sun-sign horoscopes for the masses are of course less than optimal, but it is impractical to do it any other way.  As vague as they can seem, such horoscopes can also, to some degree, be enlightening.  That said, there's a way to capitalize even more on them-- by reading the horoscopes for your sun, moon and rising sign.  This will give you a more comprehensive picture.  The sun, moon and rising sign (or ascendant) are essentially different aspects of you-- some of the more influential ones--and so while just reading your sun may shed light, to be even more accurate you should pay attention to all three.  The moon in particular may give you more insight into your emotional world than the sun or ascendant ever could.
 
To neatly sum up what the three represent, it can be put this way (though in practice it is not so clear-cut): you can see the sun sign as who you are, the moon as your soul, and the ascendant as the mask behind which you hide and express yourself.  It is best to think of signs not as rigid definitions but as processes.  In the words of Stephen Forrest: 
 
"It comes down to this: astrological symbols are not nouns, they are verbs.  I am not 'a Capricorn.'  I am Capricorning.  Growth.  Change.  Evolution.  That is the heart of astrology.  Leave fatalism and rigidity to the fortune tellers."
 
If you don't know what your moon sign and ascendant are, send me an email with your date, exact time and place of birth, and I'll tell you.  If you don't have your birth time, I won't be able to give you the ascendant.  As an alternative, you could go to the following website: www.astro.com/atlas/atlquest-eng.html  Pick the basic chart and you should be able to figure out what you want to know.
 
There is much more that could be said on this subject.  I will spare you most of it, but for starters, this is not predictive astrology.  This is interpretive, evolutionary astrology, based not on a belief in fate but a belief in synchronicity, or the principle that nothing is mutually exclusive.  It attempts to explain influences-- but maintains that the individual can do whatever they want with said influences.  If you really want to be struck dumb and at the same time experience twenty years worth of psychotherapy in a month (for free, I might add), I suggest you study your natal chart and/or get someone else to help you with it.
 
You might be able to cajole me into that.  I do tarot cards too.  My work is free.
 
For other good horoscopes written by astrologers using the same techniques praised by Eric and B.C., we suggest Rob Brezsney, www.realastrology.com (joyously optimistic) and Jonathan Cainer, www.cainer.com (mercifully compassionate).  Eric, by the way, happens to be refreshingly straightforward.
 
 
YOUR HOROSCOPE for the week of January 7, 2000
by Eric Francis
 
ARIES (March 21-April 19)
You may feel you're walking the fine line between passion and fear. That is the place to be; little other than intense emotional edge play is likely to satisfy your craving for life and your curiosity for adventure at the edge of the abyss this week or those to come. The fear you may experience is something living in your mind and feelings rather than a response to an actual threat in your physical environment. Your dreams, though they may be intense, will be conveyed in the language of symbols rather than concrete premonitions. Partners and even "ex-partners" are likely to play a prominent role in the impressive and long awaited developments of the coming week; please reward them well.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)
It may be a new and strange challenge to indulge your own pleasure these days, because you're likely to feel compelled into the servitude of others. This has its own rewards, as everyone has discovered in his or her journey to fulfillment. Yet it's okay to be there for yourself as much as you're there for whomever else you may be with. In effect, there is no difference, because your exchanges have the potential to be so complete that you can experience full resonance, even if the object of your desire is far away. What is being exchanged is
real. You have a lot to offer, and you have a lot coming to you. Just remember to take your breaths very consciously, gently, and one at a time.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)
All you need to do is push gently and the walls and structures that seem to surround you will fall away like they never existed. Beyond these boundaries, which are really the shadows, conceptual frameworks and limits of the past, and the people who influenced you over the years, you are nicely set up to find something, or someone, very new. But as it turns out, although the past is over, we have the power to keep it alive in our minds and emotions, so the ultimate responsibility for finding the present rests upon your own power of decision, your own recognition of what you now want, and most important, your choice to be aware of who is in your environment now, and to appreciate them fully.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)
Beneath the formal or official exterior of people or circumstances you are working to penetrate is the softness, depth and vulnerability you crave from human contact. You'd do well to ignore appearances, and let your mind rest in the inner reality that key bits of evidence are likely to have revealed is truly there. The outer garb that certain individuals are adept at projecting may be convincing, but if you sense with your feelings, and stay aware of the expressions in people's eyes as they speak, you will get a different story entirely. And it seems likely that, though much of what is exchanged will be on the intuitive level, words will find their perfect place and time.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)
The next stage of what you could call unexpected changes will be along the lines of cleanup of old data and files from the more daunting transitions that have characterized your recent life. You may feel that strange sense of pressure building, reminiscent of those that came on just before the karmic tornadoes and thunderstorms struck, but there is really no need to panic. The worst is over, and the best is yet to come. It would, however, be wise, at this point, for you to take an inventory of just what it is you no longer want, and put it near the fireplace, where you can get rid of it in some kind of ritual offering. And don't forget to keep the fires burning hot, whatever that means to you.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sep. 22)
With emotions percolating from the belly of your life that you haven't felt since the first blast of sex hormones spilled into your blood oh so long ago, I propose that what you remember this week you'll feel very silly for having forgotten. True, there were reasons; it wasn't possible to simultaneously remain open and protected given those circumstances. But your defensive measures have outgrown their use, you stand on much more level ground with the world around you, and what you want out of life you simply cannot have in anything resembling a closed-down state. Measures that protected you in the past can now be dangerous -- and what seemed dangerous then is your savior now.

LIBRA (Sep. 23-Oct. 22)
You'll have ideas this week and they will be very important ideas. You'll cross personal territory and it will be the uncharted, unimagined region of yourself that few people ever dare to get near. Your mind is already racing at full tilt, your emotions may have taken on a digital-quality in their accuracy and ease of movement, and you must surely feel the influence of a new element in your inner world that is at once very familiar and delightfully strange. Watch as this process comes into divine focus, revealing information you will want to carry forward for years to come. Give yourself space to take full advantage this.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 22)
Events now set in motion have the potential to make up for many years of self-defeating thought processes, sour emotions, bad luck and evolutionary progress thinly disguised as loss and suffering. There may be some obvious, immediate events signaling the start of this new era. Yet if you find yourself squinting at the light, or tempted to go back out into the cold because the warmth of love and passion are too much to bear, please think again. Sooner or later you have to start getting accustomed to the fact of taking large steps toward wholeness and fulfillment, and it might as well be now.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23-Dec. 21)
Choose your predator. You are a target, an object of desire, perhaps even an object of art, and you can play that to your full advantage. You are in demand, your scent is drawing the attention of everything with a sniffer, your appearance is calling forth the looks of everyone who can see color, and your eyes are like beacons cutting through the fog of the world's chaos. If you can get past the sense of risk that this kind of potency may entail, you will have a chance to learn how powerful you can be when you've consciously allowed yourself to take a submissive role, yet in possession of the full capability to respond or react.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Now is the time to rebalance all the scales of your life. Early winter, when you were born, is usually a time for adjustments and turning corners, though the themes of fairness, equality, integrity and guidance by the most honest values are qualities that will resonate through this year more than most others. If you tune into your inner world, and remember to keep coming back, I predict you'll finally figure out that contrary to what you may have been led to believe, there is really no conflict between intensity and sensitivity; between power and vulnerability; between who you were, and who you have most surely become.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 19-Feb. 18)
Your sleep life may be more eventful than your waking life, and your dreams a more accurate guide to the meaning of events and the intentions of people than your conscious perceptions. Even so, it makes sense to cross-reference the two, checking in with your intuition or gut-level instincts at the same time you sort out the brilliant symbols that are coming in from your astral life; the composite will give you an unusually detailed image. Observe how you feel in the moments after daybreak, and the first hours of the morning. You may notice you're working out stiffness and kinks that feel just delightful to get rid of. If you do yoga, push it a little; if not, now's a great time to start.

PISCES (Feb. 19-Mar. 20)
Put yourself where people can see you. That's all it will really take. You may not, at this point, feel like making a big splash, and it's clear that you don't really need to think along those lines because what is so naturally occurring in these unusual days and weeks is giving you a high enough profile as it is. It's also clear that people will just sense your energy and be drawn to you, and be open to receiving an impression from your ideas and motives; and furthermore, that you can use this power quite ethically to make solid progress fulfilling your most ambitious personal and creative goals. Have faith -- it's well-justified.

For the Faithful
I want to congratulate the world for skating through the dreaded Y2K ["arrrrrrrgh... you said it!!" --B.C.] without so much as a nuclear power plant exploding, a single country's telephone system vaporizing, and nary a religious cult (that we've heard of, at least) marring history with a mass suicide.  It is clear to me that people made a choice to take fate, faith and technology into their own hands, and pick ourselves up and carry us across the bridge to wherever we are now going.  Though I am reluctant to pour on the glowing optimism, to me it's a very good sign that we have chosen peace rather than war, ease rather than difficulty, and life rather than death.  Now all we need to do is make it last 100 or 1000 more years.
 
Copyright (c)2000 by Planet Waves Digital Media, all rights reserved.  Planet Waves™ is a trademark.  Eric Francis™ is a trademark.  Xerox™ is a trademark.  Escalator™ is a trademark.  Trademark™ is a trademark. There is no such thing as a Styrofoam™ coffee cup.  Have a great weekend and
 
May the Force be With You.

Planet Waves Online: www.PlanetWaves.net
E-mail eric@PlanetWaves.net Office Phone (914) 339-3339

It spreads like Lice!  Except without all that itching and scratching!
If you have received this publication from somebody other than B.C. or Tucker, and would like to be added to the permanent mailing list, please email bcphillips@chesapeake.net and we will let you in on the action.
 
As always, if you would like to contribute anything to this publication, your work or not-your-work, in the form of a story, poem, quotation, essay, letter, opinion, satire, monologue, statement, speech, holy transmission, prayer, curse, or any other form under the sun, whether or not it has a name, please feel free to do so.  We only ask that it be relatively SHORT.  We also reserve the right to edit your submission, but we promise to let you and everyone else know if we do (and we don't intend to).

If you would no longer like to receive this publication, please email bcphillips@chesapeake.net and we may decide to spare you.