THE DAILY TRAVESTY for January 5, 2000
Volume 1, Issue 3
brought to you by B.C.
Phillips
with Christ-like humility from
Tucker
NOTE: We feel obliged to let you know that THE DAILY TRAVESTY may not
always be "daily." While we certainly intend to publish as often as we
can, we must unfortunately acknowledge that we are human and have, thankfully,
lives outside of this e-zine. You may consider, then, the name of this
publication to be a misnomer... which in fact it is... but... who the hell
cares??
(note: if you do in fact care, about this issue or anything
else, please write in and yell at us.)
Hopefully you can appreciate this fine publication in HTML format.
There was a young fellow
named Skinner
Who took a cute blonde out
to dinner
They sat down to
dine
At quarter to
nine
And at quarter to ten it was
in 'er
(The dinner, not
Skinner!
Skinner was in 'er before
dinner!)
Wow! We already have a reader response letter to publish! Will
from Huntingtown, MD writes in with the following:
"Am I gonna get more crap mail like that 'Daily Travesty' or whatever? I already get way to much spam. STOP SENDING."
It appears Will does not like this publication, but we think he is a little
confused. We admit to possibly being "crap mail," but we
must furtively contest the term "spam." Will and all readers alike,
please pay attention and answer with me the following questions:
Is the TRAVESTY made of processed meats?
Does it come in a blue and yellow tin can?
Is it three dimensional and rectangular?
Does it have the consistency of a tennis ball?
I dearly hope not. We will gladly stop sending you the
TRAVESTY, Will, if it makes you happy. But spam? Come
now. We think that's a little low.
A Word from Quayle*
"The future will be better tomorrow."
--
Vice President Dan Quayle
*The DAILY TRAVESTY would like to honor Dan Quayle
by occasionally publishing a short, enlightening piece of his profundity
for your enjoyment. This is not hard to do, as Mr. Quayle has said a LOT
of wise things. We hope this reassures you as much as it does us about the
efficiency of this nation's political process. (We swear, because you will
not believe us, that all of these are real quotations.)
Pass it on, pass it on! Sweet Jesus,
Hallelujah!
If you have received this
publication from somebody other than B.C. or Tucker, and would like to be added
to the permanent mailing list, please email bcphillips@chesapeake.net and
we will let you in on the action.
As we will say repeatedly until
your eyes fall out, if you would like to contribute anything to this
publication, your work or not-your-work, in the form of a story, poem,
quotation, essay, letter, opinion, satire, monologue, statement, speech, holy
transmission, prayer, curse, or any other form under the sun, whether or not it
has a name, please feel free to do so. We only ask that it be
relatively SHORT. We also reserve the right to edit your submission, but
we promise to let you and everyone else know if we do (and we don't intend
to). C'MON PEOPLE!! IT'LL MAKE YA FEEL GOOD!!
If you would no longer like to receive
this publication, please email bcphillips@chesapeake.net and we
will gladly stop wasting our time with
you.