AN ALTERNATIVE: A Crazy Little Thing Called...
Part 1 of 3 by Eric Francis
Note: To most Travesty readers, the following article may seem
a little "out there." My personal opinion is, I think these
are extremely valid ideas-- obviously important to Eric. (Eric
strives incessantly to practice what he preaches and he does a damn good
job.) I think if every one became receptive to these concepts, it would do
a lot to ease the burdens of guilt and fear so many of us carry around.
However, I respect each person's individuality. Like I said at the
beginning, I am not hear to preach nor do I want to, directly or
indirectly. On that note, this publication and this editor do not
necessarily "endorse" this perspective; rather, what we endorse is the entire
spectrum of choice and belief and your own spot on it, so long as it is
fulfilling for you and true to your self. Our job is to present different
points on that spectrum, some of them contradictory, in the hope of
widening your perspective and increasing your personal options.
For Valentine's Day, I have a word for you:
"Compersion." It's probably not a word you've ever heard.
Compersion begins the first time we are
turned on by someone else's pleasure, or the idea of someone else's love for
anyone besides us. You may think this is totally out-to-lunch. But
for some people it's totally natural. There are those who are not the
"jealous type," and then there are those who just love love, no matter who's it
is. We all know it's possible. We may have an idea of how good it
would feel to dissolve into the safety, freedom and unconditional acceptance of
our lovers and all that they are, including the other people that they may love,
and how great it would feel to let them experience all that we are, including
the other people we may love.
This way of being is called
compersion.
We've all found ourselves in a
corresponding reality at one time or another: trapped by love. Loving
someone, feeling open and real with them and sensing it could last forever, and
then, mysteriously, another soul enters the scene of our lives, conversations
develop, minds meet, sexual interests may grow... we know that there's not
really a conflict, or that there should not be one... but there is, or seems to
be... and we are left with a huge question of what to do, because our present
partner will probably just freak out if we tell them about our experience. And
the contradiction is that the experience of this new person is so good. It
is so real. And yet it threatens to destabilize what we call
love.
When informed that love is growing with
someone outside of a primary relationship, most people are, at first, unlikely
to respond with compersion. They may not quite be washed over with joy and
tell you that your love for this other person is thoroughly beautiful.
Usually, at first, people respond with fear -- usually, the fear of loss of
control. And it's that control we are called upon to give up when we
embrace compersion.
If what I hear is true, then a lot of
people reading this are already getting nervous. The idea of allowing our
partner to be free may seem like a wild concept, the last thing we would ever
do. Visions of this person, our very lover, in another person's arms, can
burn through us like hot coals. But more to the point, the whole idea of
really feeling our feelings without denial or resistance is a daring thing in
itself. For so much of what we call love is really about resistance, and
hiding who we are, and possessing the other and hence ignoring their reality,
and judging ourselves for being imperfect because we are so controlling.
Hardly what you could call the divine light of freedom. But many people
feel that freedom is dangerous.
Now, relationships are complicated enough
without adding other people to the equation. Yet these other people seem
to somehow add themselves. We notice them in this insanely isolated,
fragmented world we live in, especially so because the way we create our
relationships is extremely isolating, in a time in history in which we so
desperately need community. So when people we really like show up in our
jobs and in our email boxes and move into apartments next door, when we pick up
on their scent and want to include them in our lives, it's not something we
typically want to resist or hide from the world. It's something to
celebrate.
Having noticed reality, we may feel a
need to keep going, to keep exploring. We need to allow ourselves to be
free. And this will take work. We need to teach people to love us
for who we are. We need to learn compersion for others -- to feel and
express the love that loves them for who they are. This is not as hard as
it sounds. And taking the journey is all the more appealing if we realize
that all the fear and insecurity that emerged when a second love interest
entered the picture were already there all along, a kind of festering toxin we
were living with in a secret shadow world that always seemed to haunt the
relationship. When the light is brought in, and the toxins are purged, and
we are seen for who we are, we can really begin living.
So one thing you can count on, if you are
in a situation where you need to teach another person compersion, is that they
may relate to the fact that it's better to be alive than dead. And the
only way they can love you is when they are alive. That means really
free. Really understanding and aware and loving you, not an image they
have of you. And you need to learn to love them, not an image you have of
them. It is tricky. It is challenging. But it is
possible.
PENIS STUDIES
Here's one for research scientists
and applied
epistemologists.
In 1991, Duke University funded a study
to see why the
head of a man's penis was
larger than the shaft. After
one year
and $180,000, they concluded that the
reason
the head was larger than the shaft
was to give the man
more pleasure during
sex.
After Duke published the study, Stanford
decided to do their own study. After $250,000
and 3 years of research,they concluded that
the reason was to give the woman more pleasure
during sex.
The University of Wisconsin, unsatisfied
with these findings, spent $13.27 (for a
Playboy, a Penthouse, and a case of Old
Milwaukee) and concluded that it was to
keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting
him in the forehead.
Be young. Have fun. Read The Daily Travesty.