Science of the Sandwich

In this article we will pay tribute to one of the simplest and customizable foods; the lunch meat sandwich. Now, I'm not going to tell you exactly how you should make your sandwiches, everyone is different. I will dive more into the theory. Yes, theory. There is a fine science to the culinary arts. I'm sure your thinking now, "Oh, God! He's gone off his rocker," which could be true but that's beside the fact. "What does it matter how the meats and cheeses go together? It's all going to the same place." you maybe saying right now. Saying this is like saying "Masturbation? Sex? What's the difference?" We have to eat, why not enjoy it, right? And with out further hesitation I give you, sandwich theory:

Bread

Doesn't matter how many slices you use, just get rid of that white bread! White bread is so bland. Personally, I'd rather eat newspaper. Now, I know your momma raised you on white bread (at least everyone I know) and it's hard to break the mold. (rim shot please) At least try other breads. Italian and French rolls make excellent alternatives. Potato bread! Anything! Avoid white your Wonder sliced white bread. Unless, your cutting the crust off and only putting just mayonnaise like Cabs...

Spreads

Now I've experimented here. I've tried oils, mayonnaise, mustards, dressings, peanut butter, jelly, marshmallow fluff, motor oil... OK, I haven't gotten around to the motor oil. This is a hard topic to elaborate on 'cause there are so many combinations. I try to stick to just two because I use two slices of bread, one of each. Jack of Clubs makes one hell of a mean mustard. Family recipe. It's not really exactly mustard, 'cause it's the most unique mustard... I wonder what he puts in it? Hell, he could beat off into the concoction for all I know. You know what, I don't want to know, it's good... real good. Spicy brown mustard, mayonnaise, and ranch dressings have also produced delightful results.

Cheeses

My favorite part of the sandwich (salami is quickly approaching). There are so many cheeses its mind boggling. Props here go to the provolone. Its mild (important since you don't want one dominate flavor of the sandwich). Not a fan of provolone, go for the mozzarella. Swiss is strong so make sure you pair it with strong meats. Just lay some ham out in the sun for a week and that should jive it some kick to compete with the Swiss. I was raised on American cheese, so I have no problem with putting some on some slices of that. Sharp and cheddar are other strong contenders for a position between your buns. Just be conscious of the strength of the cheese since you can get mild and strong variations of the cheeses. If your feeling really nuts, grab the marbled chesses (two cheeses in one!) Another consideration is quality. You will be surprised how far a few more dollars can go. I ain't talking about the Kraft singles here. I'm talking about the deli at the super market. They often have specials too.

Meats

By far the most expensive part of a sandwich. Now, its hard to coax your 'rents into getting these expensive meats, but hey, its the super market. They put everything on sale every now and then. But when you get a really nice ham, you notice! Mmm, honey smoked ham. Livin' the high life there. Remember to pick the meats that will compliment the cheeses. Or cheeses that'll mix flavors well with the meats, what ever is more important for you. Try to keep it balanced also. If your putting three cheeses, make sure to get three meats.

Construction

Making the sandwich is just as important as selecting all the ingredients. Put flavors the mix the best next to one another. I like my mustard on my ham. So mustard goes on the bread, ham on the mustard. Also, alternate your cheeses. Once your done that, you could just sit down with a Pepsi and enjoy, but if you've made it this far, you're gonna want to toast that monkey. That's right, pop it into the toaster oven and watch the cheeses melt your sandwich into a carnival of flavors. Toasting isn't for everyone, but it is important if you want the best mix of flavors. Another thing about sandwiches is that they can easily be made in bulk. Got a few friends over? Take a hit from old Mr. Ford and make and assembly line. Output on your sandwiches is raised exponentially by the people working on it. Granted it might take time to learn everyone's tastes, but once you get it down, there's no stopping a lunch meat blitz.

Well, I hope this sheds some light on a subject not much thought about. You can direct all flames to me at XLShadow@Postmark.net. Thank you and have a good night.

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