Site hosted by Build your free website today!

Ministry of Humour
Hey everyone! Welcome to my anything page. Anything I darn well ever wanted to put on my website but haven't managed to fit anywhere else, is gonna go here, soooo.....let's have some fun.

A little poetry if you please...

Poe Revisited

Once upon a midnight dreary,
fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high
and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bedsheets,
Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets:
Having reached the bottom line,
I took a floppy from the drawer.
Typing with a steady hand,
I then invoked the SAVE command
and waited for the disk to store,
Only this and nothing more.

Deep into the monitor peering,
long I sat there wond'ring, fearing,
Doubting, while the disk kept churning,
turning yet to churn some more.
"Save!" I said, "You cursed mother!
Save my data from before!"
One thing did the phosphors answer,
only this and nothing more,
Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

Was this some occult illusion?
Some maniacal intrusion?
These were choices undesired,
ones I'd never faced before.
Carefully, I weighed the choices
as the disk made impish noises.
The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting,
baiting me to type some more.
Clearly I must press a key,
choosing one and nothing more,
From "Choose Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

With my fingers pale and trembling
Slowly toward the keyboard bending,
Longing for a happy ending,
hoping all would be restored,
Praying for some guarantee
Timidly I pressed a key.
But on the screen there still persisted
Words appearing as before.
Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted,
haunted, as my patience wore,
Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
I tried to catch the chips off-guard --
I pressed again, but twice as hard.
I pleaded with the cursed machine:

I begged and cried and then I swore.
Now in desperation, trying random combinations,
Still there came the incantation,
just as senseless as before.
Cursor blinking, angrily winking,
blinking nonsense as before.
Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

There I sat, distraught, exhausted
by my own machine accosted
Getting up I turned away
and paced across the office floor.
And then I saw dreadful sight:
a lightning bolt cut through the night.
A gasp of horror overtook me,
shook me to my core.
The lightning zapped my previous data,
lost and gone forevermore.
Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

To this day I do not know
The place to which lost data goes.
What demonic nether world
is wrought where data will be stored,
Beyond the reach of mortal souls,
beyond the ether, into black holes?
But sure as there's C, Pascal,
Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more,
You will one day be left to wander,
lost on some Plutonian shore,
Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

The most amazing Canadian statement on the face of the planet.

I am.

Hey, I'm not a lumberjack or a fur trader. I don't live in an igloo or eat blubber or own a dogsled. And I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzie from Canada, although I'm certain that they're really, really nice. I have a prime minister, not a president. I speak English and French, not American. And I pronounce it "about", not "a boot". I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack. I believe in peace-keeping (not policing), diversity (not assimilation), and that the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal. A toque is a hat, a chesterfield is a couch, and it is prounced "zed" -- not "zee", "zed". Canada is the 2nd largest landmass, the first nation of hockey, and the best part of North America. My name is Joe, and ...I...AM...CANADIAN ! Thank you !

"Why Do Women Cry"

A little boy went up to his mom and "Why are you crying?" he asked his mom. Because I'm a woman" she told him. "I don't understand," he said. His mom just hugged him and said, "and you never will"..

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?" "All women cry for no reason" was all his dad could say..

The little boy grew up ad became a man still wondering why women cry..

Finally he put in a call to GOD; when GOD got on the phone the man said, "GOD, why do women cry so easily?" GOD said..

When I made women she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world; yet, gentle enough to give comfort.. I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children. I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining. I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her children have hurt her very badly..

This same sensitivity helps her to make children's hurts feel better and share in the anxieties and fears of her teenagers.. I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unflatteringly.

I gave her a tear to shed, it's hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed, and it's her only weakness.. It's a tear for mankind...........
I AM Canadian.