i don't know what i'm thinking because my mind runs a hundred miles per hour. i don't know what to do because too many people say they need me.. i don't kow how to stop the blood or the tears or the aches and the confusion and i can't make up my mind. they push me and make me go wild.. they don't care about my cuts or the blood all over or my tears or that they hurt me.. that i need every fucking one of them.. they don't even really know each other, some of them.. but they're the loves of my life.. they brought me here.its not me who makes me bleed,they all do. all of them, with their empty promises and their hollow eyes. them with their new loves and their new friends, someone else to use, someone else to make fake promises to. while i sit here and cry, while i slice myself wide open. they don't care. they stare through me, with their new life. don't stop to say hi, don't make sure i'm ok, or even alive. look at me in the hall, pretend everythings ok, and tell lies about me behind my back, not even brave enough to tell me to my face. make promises of love to me, and get scared and run away after i fall in love with you, then when i collect myself come running back and trying to make it better, then doing it all over again. playing with my heart, kissing, holding, showing signs of love, and pushing me away with a dirty look. making love to me, promising me the world and never to leave, then running off on me with no explanation. none of you think before you act, none of you think that i may just break if you keep doing this to me. that i may close my eyes and never wake up, and just dissappear. would you notice? would you care? would you cry for me? do you lay awake and wonder if you face problems like this. proclaiming your perfect lives with perfect friends, drug money and your daddys keys. don't worry about anything, daddy and mommy can fix it all. living your life, not caring about who you hurt or what you do, making a fool of yourself, but leaving me loving you all so fucking much, wishing i was back, wishing i was part of it, wishing i'd never faltered. none of you show the real you. hiding things from each other, going around behind. your best friends when i'm to blame, but when i left it was over. i'm the fool. me with my big words and my scarred arms, that i never let you see. but this is me, the me i hid because i see you look at people like me, mock them, call them dense. its beyond that, your the ones who are dense. push me out of your head, you know i linger. the promises you made to me, the secrets you told, that look you give me. move on, fuck my best friend, give me dirty looks, talk about me, and burn my pictures. it hurts me, yes, i'm not the liar. you all know i need you and you think i'm strong? you think i can't break down, but you don't really know. inside me, my mind would know what brought my death, keep it up and it'll break. people are delicate and hearts can be broken, you never think of that. you all know who you are, all of you who played the games with my heart and mind, promising me friendship, promising me love..holding me close, pushing me away. making fun of me, blaming, mocking, starting arguments. you know your wrong. what did i do to you. i loved you all. i did everything for everyone of you, and you call me the bad guy. fuck you all. no matter how i love you, how much i need you, .. it doesn't matter. my heart may love you, but my mind can hate you, and i'm not taking back anything. theres nothing to take back. break me apart once more please...play the songs..write the letters, and read the poetry. pretend i'm not here, because its easier then breaking my heart. angst home