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my angel - part one

mail me

we drove out to the country one night. way, way far out in the deep country of oklahoma, about an hour from civilization, with an old garth brooks tape playing the whole way there. it was one of those nights when the stars are really bright and the sky is so much darker because of the absence of the million lights of tulsa blazing into the sky, lighting it up, and dimming the beautiful, magical and mysterious celestial bodies of gas and fire just sitting there in the sky. so perfect and still. soothing almost. when we got out of the car, there was a slight breeze blowing over the tall brown grass in the feild. she shivered, even though it wasn't really that cold. i took off my jacket and with a smile, wrapped it around her as we sat in the grass gazing up at the small, bright dots in the sky as if they were something more than amazing. and they truly were. millions of the tiny spectacles, so far away, yet so close. we talked about everything that night. from when we were just little babies, little lollie and ikey, both with the golden curls falling all around our faces as we played in the sandbox and shared our first 'kiss,' up until our confusing relationship at the present time, as all-grown-up laura and isaac, again, both with golden curls falling all around our faces, only this time, not playing in the sandbox, but in the big huge world, with no little wooden sides on it to help us from not falling out, and only this time, not sharing our first kiss, but our millionth. we'd spent our whole lifetime together and everyone though we were meant to be, but i guess being in the position of 'meant to be' with someone you've known forever is a little more difficult said than done. it's like you've known that person forever. they'll always be the same in your eyes, and you know everything about them. you know what they're going to say next, or what they would say or do in a situation. you know how they talk, how they act. you would recognise their voice from a mile away, and you can always see that special gleam in their eye, the special smile and tone of voice they use only for you. the nicknames you've given each other throughout the years, and all the secrets you're shared. you're connected in every way possible, and you never want to be disconnected from that person because you love them with every fiber of your being, every bit of breath in your body, every star in that sky. on the drive home, the car was nice and toasty, with that same old garth brooks tape playing over and over. it was getting a little repetitive, so i turned it off and turned on the radio to an oldies station where at midnight,they have a request hour. i stopped the car by the side of the road and told her to hold on for a minute. i grabbed my cell phone and got out of the car. a few minutes later, after we were back on the road again, the d.j. came on after a commercial break and said, 'this song is going out to laura from isaac. he wants to tell you that he loves you. here's your song.' the opening chords of 'groovy kind of love,' by the rascals played, 'our song.' the song we first danced to, the song we first kissed to, and the song we fell in love to. i stopped the car and asked her to dance with me. right there in the middle of oklahoma, the middle of the night, the middle of the road in the middle of nowhere, we danced. even after the song was over, we held on to each other for another 5 minutes, slowly dancing to the songs that came streaming out of that radio. songs that played the soundtrack to our life. 'i say a little prayer,' by aretha franklin, 'love me do,' by the beatles, and 'purple haze,' by jimmie hendrix.the songs that had all played an important part in our life. after we got back in the car, she turned to me and fixed her eyes on mine.

"ike, i have something very important to tell you."

as she looked at me with those beautiful green eyes, i felt a twinge of fright. important was a very scary word when things were just perfect like this.


she looked down, then looked back at me.

"isaac. i'm...i have cancer. i'm dying."

the beautiful eyes welled up with tears as she squeezed my hands within hers and looked down.

"oh...oh my god. laura, no."

she nodded, still not looking up at me.

"yeah, isaac. i do."

i couldn't believe it. i didn't want to belive it i felt my eyes fill with tears. i loved her more than anything, but i didn't want to tell her, for fear it would ruin our friendship. so i didn't. we drove home and stayed the way we were for a few more months.
through laura's tests, her numerous chemo sessions.

through the days when she would come home from the hospital, sicker than ever, and have to go back in again for some more tests, and through it all, we lived for each other.
i stayed endless night at that hospital with her.
i grew to despise that place, but also love it, for it kept my angel alive.
after about 3 chemo sessions, her beautiful golden hair started falling out, leaving her head bald, but her face was as perfect as before.

a couple of months after that night in the field, laura was in the hospital again, and i got a call from her dad. he said i needed to be there with her.

"she's been asking for you, but she's been in and out of sleep. you know how it is. i couldn't get your number to call you up, but i really think it's the best if you come up here to be with her right now."


i hung up the phone.
i slipped on a pair of black boots and a white t-shirt and ran out the door to my car.
on the way to the hospital, our song came on the radio. i turned it off, and stepped down harder on the accelerator.
part two