Disclaimer: Star Trek is the property of Paramount, Viacom, Bad Robot…many people who are not me.
Summary: recounting of a famous scene between father and son, revised to fit the new movie canon.
Sins of the Father
By Rocky
Sarek entered hurriedly, shedding his cloak as he walked. "Where is he, Amanda?"
His wife bit her lip, indecision clearly written on her face. "So you've heard," she said flatly.
"I have just come from the chambers of the Science Academy Chancellor." Sarek took a step in the direction of the archway which led to the family sleeping compartments. "Is he in there?"
"Sarek—"
He stopped short and looked at her closely. Amanda hadn't moved since he came in; she still stood in the middle of the antechamber, her arms folded, as if she meant to block his forward progress. "Amanda, I wish to speak to Spock. It is imperative that I do so without further delay. Now tell me, is he present or has he already left this house?"
There was a long moment of silence. "Yes, he's in his room," she said, and her shoulders slumped in apparent defeat.
As he made to brush past her, she suddenly caught his arm. "Sarek, wait…listen to me."
"We can talk later, Amanda. Right now, I need to speak with my son."
She did not relinquish her hold. "No, I want you to listen to me first! Sarek, please, this is very important!"
He did not sigh audibly, but a trace of impatience crossed his normally placid features. "Very well, my wife. I am listening."
"I know you're very upset right now, angry, disappointed—oh, a whole slew of emotions you'll never admit to having!" Amanda was speaking very quickly, the words tumbling out as if she were afraid that any minute she would lose the opportunity to say them forever. "All your life, you've planned and hoped for your son to follow in your footsteps, be the scion of the House of Surak. And the first step was always to attend the Vulcan Science Academy. You were so proud when you heard he'd gotten accepted! Don't deny it, I know how you felt, I saw that look in your eyes when you thought no one was watching. And now, to hear that he's throwing it all away—"
"Amanda," Sarek said, calmly disengaging her clutching fingers from his arm. "Are you quite finished?"
"I have just one more thing to say," she said, breathing heavily. "Don't take out your disappointment on our son, Sarek! And he's our son, of the two of us together, not yours and Vulcan's alone. Don't deny him his Human heritage! More importantly, don't insist that he deny it!" Angrily, she dashed her hands over the furtive tears that had slipped down her cheeks during her impassioned plea. "Let him go to join Starfleet, Sarek. It's what he wants. Please, just let him go, with no recriminations or bitterness. You don't know where an argument will lead—if you feel like you've lost him now, this would be an excellent way of insuring that you lose him forever!"
"I have never denied Spock his Human heritage," he said, a hint of reproach in his grave voice. "Long ago I told him he was a child of two worlds."
"Yes, I remember," Amanda said, her voice rising. "When your so-called enlightened schoolyard bullies picked on him for no other reason than because of he was half Human!"
"Children and their immature behavior are much the same everywhere. Do you think he would have escaped taunting or humiliation if he had been raised on Earth?"
"No, of course not. But--"
"I have never asked him to choose one world over another, my wife. If you would calm yourself, you would see the truth of my statement." He stopped and looked at her, trying to ascertain if his words were making an impression.
"Go on."
"It is hardly logical to accuse me of exhibiting anti-Terran prejudice. Our marriage alone negates the validity of that charge. Or do you deny—or accuse me of denying—our bond?"
Amanda exhaled deeply. "No, Sarek, that wasn't my point—"
"I have served as the Ambassador to Earth for the last 22.3 years. In that time, I have striven to bring greater understanding between our two peoples, ancient allies of more than a century between whom there nonetheless remain large gaps which we must work to bridge. Over the years, through constant exposure, I have come to appreciate much of great worth in Terran culture." He moved closer to her. "The greatest treasure of all is what I share with you, my wife, and with our son. Believe me, I would never do anything to damage that." Sarek held out his hand to her.
"I know you wouldn't." Amanda closed her eyes, then gently laid her fingers across his. "I was just afraid that in the heat of the moment—"
"May I remind you, a Vulcan does not have a 'heat of the moment.' Unless, of course, you are referring to the ambient temperature, which at this time of year is in fact lower than—"
Laughing despite herself, she slapped playfully at him. "Oh, you! You knew exactly what I meant!"
"I did indeed," Sarek said and then turned toward the archway once more, his features hardening once more. "And now, I must speak with Spock, concerning the decisions he has made today."
Sarek paused outside Spock's chamber and signaled for entry. Releasing his breath—he hadn't quite realized he had been holding it—he watched as the door slowly slid open.
"Father," Spock said, not looking up from his task. The closet doors and several drawers gaped open in front of him; a mound of clothes and data padds was piled on the bed. As he watched, Spock swiftly and efficiently folded one garment after another and placed it in the large duffel bag on the floor.
"You are leaving," Sarek said, and it was not a question.
"Yes, Father, I am," Spock said. Straightening up, he tossed the last padds in his bag, then closed the drawers and gave the closet door a push. It clicked shut with a sound of finality. "I will be on the 18:03 shuttle to ShiKahr, then from there connect to an Andorian transport which will take me to Terra."
"I see. When does the semester begin?"
"Are you referring to the Vulcan Science Academy?"
"That would be an irrelevant question, would it not, my son? As you are not planning on attending the Science Academy."
"No, I am not." Spock drew himself up to his full height—with a slight shock, Sarek saw the young man's eyes were nearly level with his own. "I will be attending Starfleet Academy in San Francisco."
Silence fell. Sarek stood there, considering his son. As he had expected—whether because the boy's mental disciplines were still immature or for some other reason--Spock was the first to speak.
"You do not seem very surprised."
"I had already heard the news."
Spock's lips pursed. "I had asked Mother—"
"It was not your mother who revealed your plans to me. I was told you had turned down your position in the Science Academy by Chancellor Morok himself."
Clearly surprised at this turn of events, Spock nevertheless recovered quickly. "I suppose you have come to dissuade me from my 'illogical' choice, and to urge me to reconsider."
Sarek raised an eyebrow. "No, my son, I have not. What is done, is done."
Once again, Spock's shields slipped and then were quickly restored. "Then why are you here?"
"It is not within the normal course of events for a young man to leave home without first taking leave of his father, is it?"
"If these were normal circumstances," Spock pointed out. "Which they are not."
Sarek did not reveal the pang these words caused. "No, I suppose they are not." He added, mildly, "If you succeed in your goal, you will be the first Vulcan to attend Starfleet Academy."
"And you claim you are not here to persuade me to do otherwise!" Spock said with some heat. "I repeat, Father, why have you come?"
"I wish…to understand, Spock."
"To understand?"
"Why you are doing this. Why you turned down the Science Academy, and why you wish to attend Starfleet instead."
"Why is it important for you to know?"
Sarek sighed and held up his hands in the age-old gesture of reconciliation. "Because you are my son, and I wish to understand your motivations. Not to attempt to change them in any way. You are an adult, or nearly so." He cast a critical eye over his son as he spoke. Yes, at age 18 Spock had reached nearly all his adult height, but he had not yet "filled in"; as Amanda would say, he was still "gangly as a young colt." Having seen films of the Terran animal, Sarek was inclined to agree.
"You are an adult," Sarek said once more. "And as such, you make your own decisions. Up to now, your mother and I have provided for you in terms of your physical sustenance, your health, and your education. We have tried to prepare you for the life you will lead, and so throughout your youth we have made choices for you: where you have lived, what you have eaten, which subjects you have studied, and with whom you have associated. But that time has now passed."
"And so my decision—"
"—is yours. No one can alter it except you."
Spock looked as if he still didn't quite believe what had transpired, and Sarek bit back another sigh. It was bad enough that by Amanda's actions earlier she had deemed it necessary to "protect" his son from him. What kind of a father had he been to deserve that, to have Spock treat him with such suspicion now? Where had he gone wrong?
Doggedly, Sarek pressed forward. "Chancellor Morok told me he had congratulated you on being accepted to the Academy. However, you immediately told him you would be declining the position."
"It would appear the Chancellor left out a pertinent piece of information when he recounted our conversation," Spock said, his lip curling slightly. "He congratulated me on being accepted, despite my deficiency."
"Your deficiency?" repeated Sarek, uncomprehending.
"My Human half."
Sarek closed his eyes as Spock continued, the bitterness pouring through his words. "The Vulcan Academy is supposed to represent the pinnacle of scientific achievement and learning, of brilliance, throughout the Alpha Quadrant. Yet how can this same institution of learning be run by such xenophobes who can't even hold back their naked prejudices, their racism, their disdain for those who are not purebred Vulcans?! 'Infinite Diversity In Infinite Combination'? Hardly. Everything I ever learned on the subject was a lie! Tell me, Father, how can Vulcans claim to be free of emotion while indulging regularly in its baser forms?"
"Spock, Spock, no." Sarek shook his head. "That is not so."
"What in my statement is false?"
"I scarcely know where to start. To begin with, Vulcans have never claimed to be free of emotions. Only a few, a very few, have undergone the ritual to even begin to come close to a total purge of all feeling. It takes a lifetime to pursue such an elusive goal. Nor is such a state of being considered desirable for all. But yes, since the time of Surak, we Vulcans have sought to control our emotions, rather than be controlled by them. Our society was on the verge of destroying itself. And so we replaced emotion with logic in our patterns of behavior. But we do not deny the existence of our feelings!" Sarek momentarily gripped his son by the shoulders. "Spock, the Vulcan heart feels…it laughs, it weeps! And yes, it loves as well as hates, it feels pride as well as shame. How can you not know such a thing? Did you really think that what you felt was due only to the Human part of you?"
Spock was silent, his head bowed.
"Second, do not be so quick to see insult where there was none intended! Do you honestly believe a man in the position of Chancellor would indulge in petty invective and insult, taking potshots at you for your heritage? Morok is not one of the boys who tormented you in your youth, seeking to provoke an emotional reaction. Although it appears that is exactly the result."
Spock lifted his head, and Sarek met his son's steady gaze once more. "Then what would you call his words to me, Father?"
"A statement of fact."
"A state--!"
Sarek raised one finger. "Fact: a Vulcan has superior memory, both long- and short-term, as well as a greater capacity for learning than a Terran of the same age and similar socio-economic background. His musculature is more dense. He is able to go without food and water for longer periods of time, withstand higher temperatures and pain stimuli. His heart rate is more rapid, his hearing is sharper, and his eyes are protected by a nictitating membrane allowing him to withstand higher exposures of UV light. Is a statement of these facts exhibiting prejudice against Terrans? Or is it an insult to say a Klingon's systemic organ-redundancy makes him a superior athlete?"
"Morok was not referring to athletic prowess."
"He said that you had succeeded! And despite your immediate assumption that by using the term 'deficiency' he was referring to your weak, emotional Human half, in reality he was stating that even though you lacked the mental disciplines and intellectual advantages of a full-blooded Vulcan, you had still scored high enough to be admitted to the Academy." Sarek took a deep breath. "The only insult present was what you interpreted there to be."
A series of expressions flitted over Spock's face. "Perhaps."
"Perhaps?" Sarek shrugged. "My concern, Spock, is that this will not be the last time you will be in a position in which you may perceive slights which are not there, in which you will be quick to take offense whether it was intended or not, to turn a harmless, thoughtless affront into something much more serious. On Terra, in Starfleet Academy, you will be mixing with a wide variety of other beings: Humans, Tellarites, Andorians, Rigellians, Betazoids, Orions, none of whom will be aware they must step carefully around you to avoid wounding your delicate sensibilities. What will you do when you are forced to sleep and eat and train with them? When someone inadvertently insults you? Will you withdraw from Starfleet, once more depriving yourself of a unique opportunity?" He paused. "Or will you strive to meet life's challenges, to grow and develop and become the man you were meant to be?"
Understanding dawned. "That is why you wished to know why I chose to go to Starfleet."
Sarek nodded. "I wished to know if you desired it badly enough to make the sacrifices it will doubtless entail."
"When I met with the Chancellor this morning, I was of two minds about accepting the position at the Science Academy, even before he spoke. Starfleet has always had an…attraction for me. To boldly go forth seeking knowledge, as opposed to sitting in a laboratory picking over discoveries made by others. You had made your wishes for me quite clear and I did not wish to disappoint you. Yet on the other hand the allure of space…in the end, there was no contest. Chancellor Morok simply gave me the push I was seeking all along." Spock took a deep breath. "I will not back away from any further challenges, Father. I promise."
"That is good to know, my son."
"Nor will I indulge in any further fits of emotional pique."
"That remains to be seen," Sarek said under his breath. At Spock's raised brow, he amended, "I have no further concerns on that front."
The chronometer beeped, signaling it was time. Spock swung his duffel bag to his shoulder and walked out, Sarek trailing behind.
Amanda was still waiting in the anteroom. Wordlessly, she held out her arms. Spock came to her and embraced her. She reached up and pulled his head down to hers and kissed him.
"Make me proud of you," she said softly, her eyes glistening with tears. He nodded and stepped back.
"Live long and prosper, Spock, " Sarek said, giving him the ritual salute.
"Peace and long life, Father."
As Spock's hand was on the door control, Sarek called to his son once more. "You have already made us very proud of you."
A flash of dark eyes, and then Spock was gone.
FINIS