Disclaimer: Star Trek and its characters are the property
of Paramount. No copyright infringement is intended.
Note: The final story of the trilogy which began with "A Ship's Captain"
and following "Sacrifice And Need"
Time frame: takes place immediately following the events of "Star Trek: The
Motion Picture"
Many thanks to Djinn for her excellent beta.
Leader of Men
By Rocky
"Sit down," Admiral Kirk said briefly, gesturing to a chair. He barely lifted
his eyes from the padd he was reading.
McCoy took the proffered seat on the opposite side of the desk, straining
to get a glimpse of the report in Kirk's hand as he did so. All he could
make out was the header 'Engineering' and the stardate. "I see you
still haven't managed to ditch the paperwork," he said with a grin. "So much
for your plan." He leaned back casually and waited for a response.
In the ensuing silence, McCoy became aware of the steady thrumming of the
warp engines, now fully operational once more. Like a man's own heartbeat,
it was not something you were normally conscious of unless your attention
was drawn to it.
"What are you talking about?" Kirk said finally, as he put his padd down
and prepared to pick up another.
"Paperwork--you know, reports, evaluations, and so on," McCoy said, gesturing
at the pile of padds on the desk next to a half-empty coffee cup, probably
long since gone cold. "Even if your plot to get away from HQ worked, there's
still no escaping the bureaucracy."
Kirk frowned. Expecting a chuckle, or at the very least a smile, McCoy was
surprised.
"Is there a reason you stopped by my quarters, Doctor?" Kirk asked.
Deliberately ignoring the coolness in Kirk's tone, McCoy shifted to a more
comfortable position and kept his own voice relaxed. "Just wanted to congratulate
you, Jim."
"On what?"
"I heard it's official--you've received confirmation of your command of the
Enterprise once more. For more than just a 'temporary' assignment
to deal with the recent crisis, that is." McCoy paused. "Not that I had any
doubts that eventually Admiral Nogura would see things your way."
Kirk's eyes met his squarely. "Are you here to take more potshots at me?"
"Potshots? What do you mean?" McCoy asked, taken slightly aback by Kirk's
attitude.
"Spare me the innocent act," Kirk said. "I know you've got a lot to say."
He nodded grimly. "I'm surprised you've managed to hold yourself back this
long."
"Really?" McCoy said evenly. "And just what do you base this fascinating
hypothesis on?"
"Come on, Bones. You know damn well what I mean," Kirk said heatedly. He
held up one hand and began to enumerate his points. "Following me when I
wanted to speak with Will Decker in privacy after we got underway, all the
little digs you got in during the actual crisis--at both me and Spock. But
that wasn't enough for you. Oh, no. You didn't have a chance to really
speak your mind before and God knows there's no putting you off for too long
when you've got the bit in your teeth."
"If you're that worried about what I'm going to say," McCoy said with a hint
of anger of his own, "you'd best check your own conscience."
"There's nothing bothering me," Kirk said, his words clipped, "but you've
always enjoyed playing God--looking down on all the poor mortals and duty-bound
to help them see the error of their ways."
"Do you really believe that, Jim?" McCoy said, stung.
"You may have convinced yourself you do it for a person's own good, but it
doesn't always come off that way," Kirk retorted. "Tell me, are you planning
on paying a little visit to Spock next--or have you just come from there?"
McCoy opened his mouth, then closed it and considered his next words. He
stroked his clean-shaven chin absently. He missed the beard, but not as much
as he'd thought he would. Not that he'd been compelled to remove it--there
were no regs currently on the books prohibiting facial hair, provided it
was kept neat. But in McCoy's mind, any growth--let alone the unkempt bush
he'd sported--did not go with the clean antiseptic corridors of a starship.
Truth be told, he'd grown the beard precisely because it was such a departure
from the life he'd led as a Starfleet officer, symbolic of his desire to
start anew as a civilian. It was all about self-image--as the man sitting
opposite him could attest. "If anyone knows about convincing himself he's
doing something for the greater good, it's you, Admiral."
Kirk's chair scraped against the floor as he pushed his seat back. He strode
over to the viewport, exhibiting the same restless energy McCoy remembered
of old. "That's exactly the sort of thing I'm talking about," Kirk said irritably,
his gaze fixed firmly on the stars. "Those snide little comments of yours
when my behavior doesn't fit your specifications."
"Go on."
Kirk turned around slowly. "You think I was wrong when I assumed command
of the Enterprise, taking it away from Decker." He cut off McCoy's
protest. "I had to, Starfleet Command ordered me to do so."
"They did," McCoy observed dryly. "After you pulled a few strings and
called in every favor you could because you wanted this ship back."
"And you know this how?" Kirk's hands were balled into fists. "As I recall,
you were still in Georgia when my meeting with Admiral Nogura took place."
"As if I didn't know what you were capable of..." McCoy shook his head. "But
this is not pure speculation on my part. Scotty told me all about your conversation
with him, as soon as you came on board. He said you claimed they 'gave her
back', but we all know what that means." At Kirk's flush of anger,
McCoy added, "Or are you disputing the word of your chief engineer?"
"Are you saying that was the wrong thing to do?" Kirk challenged. "The mission
was a success."
"It was wrong for you to give up your ship and command in the first place!"
McCoy snapped and then calmed himself with an effort. "I tried to tell you
that at the time."
"So now you're saying 'I told you so.'" Kirk's mouth tightened. "Apparently,
I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't as far as you're concerned. You
didn't want me to give up the ship, but now that I've taken it back, you're
blaming me, too? What would you like me to have done?"
McCoy grimaced. This was getting out of hand. "It's all water under the bridge
now," he said, adopting a conciliatory tone. He joined Kirk at the viewport,
watching the stars streak by. After a few seconds, he turned so that the
Admiral was in his field of vision once more. "But contrary to popular belief,
you weren't the right man in the right place for the V'ger crisis."
"What do you mean?" Kirk said, his surprise evident.
Aware he was treading on dangerous ground, McCoy nevertheless slogged ahead.
"It was clear at the beginning of the mission, Admiral. You didn't know the
ship as well as Decker did--and that lack of knowledge endangered us all."
Kirk folded his arms across his chest. "That's ridiculous."
"One of the first things you did," McCoy pointed out, "was order the ship
to warp--before it was ready. You refused to listen to anybody's protests,
not even Scotty's. The resulting anti-matter instability created that wormhole
we were sucked into. And when the deflectors were inoperative and we had
to eliminate that asteroid coming at us, you didn't know that the phasers
had been redesigned to be channeled though the main engines. If Decker hadn't
countermanded your order and called for photon torpedoes instead, we could
have all been killed!"
"I hadn't had the chance to familiarize myself with every aspect of the redesign--yet,"
Kirk said, his voice low and controlled. "Time was of the essence--the energy
cloud--V'ger--was only two days away. Do you doubt I wouldn't have otherwise
made it my business to learn everything about the ship?"
"Under normal circumstances, no," McCoy agreed. "But these were anything
but normal conditions." He paused for a moment to let his words sink in.
"If it hadn't been for Decker--"
"That's precisely why he remained on board as acting executive officer,"
Kirk cut in. "So he could fill in any 'gaps' of mine--as every captain relies
on his senior officers to supply him with pertinent information when needed."
McCoy had a sudden flash of a long-ago scene in these very same quarters,
a young captain railing against the misguided notions of a visiting member
of the brass who'd tried to handle a situation instead of leaving it to more
capable field officers. He tried and failed to reconcile it with the man
who stood before him now.
"Now that's an interesting point," McCoy said, looking at Kirk out of the
corner of his eye, "when you consider the fact that the V'ger crisis was
solved primarily due to Spock's actions--and subsequent understanding of
the entity--not to mention Decker's." He took a deep breath. "Much more than
anything you personally did."
Kirk's head came up sharply and McCoy nearly took a step back, afraid that
this time he'd gone too far. But when Kirk spoke, his voice was calm. "I
was ready to make the same sacrifice that Decker did."
McCoy smiled sadly. "I know that, Jim. No one, least of all me, has ever
questioned your dedication, or your willingness to do what's needed." McCoy
put a conciliatory hand on Kirk's shoulder, still not entirely sure the other
man wouldn't take a swing at him. "But don't you see--for you it would have
been a sacrifice, for Decker it was the opportunity of a lifetime. Remember
what he said to you, right before he joined with V'ger: 'I want this, Jim,
just like you wanted the Enterprise.'"
"Is that what you think?" Kirk said. To McCoy's surprise, the Admiral smiled.
It was not a pleasant expression. "He did it because of Ilia. The two of
them shared a past, and when she was killed, he was convinced he could still
reach her--or at least her memories--inside of that machine." Kirk's lip
curled in what was undeniably a sneer. "That was what he was after."
McCoy gaped at him. "You think he did it because of personal considerations?
To be reunited with his lover? My God, Jim--even you can't be so cold-blooded
to dismiss what he did in that way! To cheapen his sacrifice by saying --"
McCoy took a deep breath. "Yes, Decker showed a personal interest in V'ger's
probe--because you ordered him to!"
"So we could find out more about the entity that was bearing down on Earth,
Doctor," Kirk reminded him sharply. "We needed all the information we could
get. Or do you think out of consideration for Decker's feelings I should
have refrained from using every means at my disposal?"
"I'm not saying that!" McCoy shook his head vehemently. "What I can't understand
is what kind of person orders someone to cozy up to an artificial construct
of his dead lover, urging him to reawaken whatever thoughts and memories--"
"A captain who is desperate to find and use any advantage he can when dealing
with a creature so far beyond our knowledge and experience, that's who!"
Kirk yelled.
"But for you to then turn around and use that against him, to cheapen his
sacrifice--he gave up his life, Jim! For the sake of the Enterprise
and her crew, not to mention Earth." McCoy glared at him. "He was the hero
this time around, but you just can't stand that thought, can you? It wasn't
the great Captain Kirk who saved the day--"
"That's enough!"
McCoy took a step back, aghast at what he'd said. In the sudden silence,
his own breathing sounded harsh and ragged. After a few moments, he said
in a low voice, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." He could not bring
himself to look Kirk in the eye.
"No, you shouldn't have."
McCoy leaned his head against the cool transparent aluminum, cursing himself
for his stupidity. Of all the things he could have said to Kirk--and he admitted,
he had been hoping to provoke some type of reaction from him--this
was the one guaranteed to sting the most.
At the end of the five year mission, the crew of the Enterprise--especially
her captain--had achieved near-legendary status. How often had they saved
the Federation? More times than McCoy could count. But the public had notoriously
short memories. Kirk had accepted a promotion, taken a spot at Headquarters,
because he felt it was his duty, that Starfleet needed his expertise. Meanwhile,
the adventures in space continued, but under new names and faces. Some of
Kirk's rivals from the old days had been heard to wonder just how he'd reconcile
himself with being passed over, letting someone else have the glory for a
change, is how one man put it. McCoy could just imagine the rumors that must
be flying now, once word got out that Kirk had replaced Decker--his own hand-picked
successor--on the bridge of the Enterprise. Hell, he'd heard some
of them himself, when he'd gotten the call from Nogura's office.
And McCoy knew there were a number of new crewmen on board, those who had
signed on to serve with Will Decker, who had no first-hand knowledge of the
Enterprise's glorious past. There had been some grumbling when Kirk announced
initially he was taking command. On the bridge, in Engineering, Sickbay--such
a thing was practically unheard of, for a newly commissioned captain to be
replaced on the eve of a mission, let alone by the man who'd formerly held
the job. And not all the assurances given by the 'old guard', by Kirk's former
officers, had quite reconciled the new blood to the change. Kirk had to have
been aware of this, seen the sidelong glances cast at him in the ship's corridors.
But he had obviously never thought he'd have to face it from one of his own.
Casting around for something to say, McCoy was glad when Kirk spoke once
more. "But I shouldn't have said that about Decker, implied that it was easy
for him, or that his actions in any way were less than they should have been.
Whatever his motivation."
"Jim--"
"That didn't come out right." Kirk took a deep breath. "He was a hero, just
like his father." He fell silent once more; McCoy knew Kirk was recalling
how Commodore Matt Decker had rammed a shuttlecraft down the maw of the planet-eater
in a desperate attempt to destroy it. It hadn't worked as the Commodore had
hoped--the machine was weakened but still functional--yet it had shown Kirk
the way to eventually destroy it.
McCoy cleared his throat. "Maybe I was a little harsh, what I said before...
Jim, I'm sorry. I didn't mean--"
"Oh, you meant it all right, Bones," Kirk said. He paused, letting his words
sink in. "But maybe I needed to hear it."
McCoy raised his head and looked at Kirk for a long moment.
"At any rate," Kirk went on, "I suppose I should be grateful you're not blaming
me for Decker's death, just for stealing his ship out from under him."
McCoy bit back a sigh. "Decker knew what he'd signed up for. It comes to
all of us sooner or later, I suppose, considering our line of work."
"'Risk is our business'?" Kirk murmured.
"Something like that." McCoy paused. "Will would have been a hell of a captain
if he had lived," he said quietly.
"Yes, he would have," Kirk said. He smiled, but it didn't quite reach his
eyes. "Which was why I originally recommended him for the job."
McCoy nodded. "But life is for the living," he said briskly. "The Enterprise
is yours again, Admiral. You can go on doing what you were born to do."
"I intend to." Kirk eyed McCoy carefully. "Are you planning to stay on as
well?"
"Yes, I am." McCoy grinned suddenly. "After all, I was drafted." He
was relieved to see Kirk smile--this time for real.
"Good," Kirk said, bringing his hands together decisively. "Now that the
'old gang' has been reunited it would be a shame to break them up again
so soon."
"Definitely," McCoy agreed, "although I doubt everyone will stay together
for long--the younger officers will move on eventually, you know." He stopped
short at the sight of the fleeting expression on Kirk's face. "Surely you
wouldn't begrudge them their chance to go off and shine on their own."
"No, of course I wouldn't," Kirk said, his rueful look acknowledging that
he'd been caught. "They'll get their shots, all of them--especially if I
have any say in the matter." He paused. "Just as long as you and Spock
and Scotty stay."
"You need us," McCoy said with certainty.
"Someone has to keep me out of trouble and tell me off when I need it," Kirk
said wryly.
"Damn straight." McCoy cocked his head. "Remember, Jim--I'm a doctor, not
a sycophant."
"I wouldn't have you any other way," Kirk said. "And you're a damn fine doctor.
There are not many others out there who can 'cure a rainy day.'"
McCoy rolled his eyes. "Not one of my more modest pronouncements." He added,
"I guess I'll just have to settle for being a miracle worker--no, wait, that's
Scotty's title, isn't it?"
Kirk let out a chuckle. "As far as I'm concerned, you're both deserving of
it." He sobered quickly. "What you said before, Bones, yes, the secret to
my success has always been the people I have behind me."
And we're lucky to have someone like you to follow, McCoy thought. Aloud,
he said, "So I guess I'm going to be pretty busy from here on out, keeping
an eye on you along with my regular duties. In that case, I'd better get
back to work!" He hesitated imperceptibly, but then changed his mind and
turned to go. He had nearly reached the door when Kirk's voice rang out.
"Anything else you wanted to say, Doctor?"
McCoy shook his head at Kirk's instincts. "As a matter of fact," he said
slowly, "there is." He turned to face his once and future captain again.
"I'm not so sure that you're done with envying Decker--the father or the
son."
Kirk didn't pretend to misunderstand. "Meaning that I'm disappointed I didn't
get the chance to sacrifice my life to save the ship?"
McCoy met his gaze evenly. "There's a bit of the martyr in every captain,
Jim. In some it's just more pronounced."
Kirk smiled. "I prefer to live for my ship and crew right now. I'll leave
the noble gestures, the dying, to others." He paused. "There are many ways
to lead."
FINIS
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