At Nick’s, Howie mentions nothing about my living situation as I had asked him to. I want to be the first to tell Nick. We order a few pizzas and eat them as soon as they arrive. Stuffed, we sit down in the living room to watch a few movies. Just like old times, I lay down on the futon/couch with my head in my best friend’s lap. Honestly, there’s nothing but friendship between us. He’s almost like a brother to me and that would just be too weird. His friend, Howie, though... that wouldn’t be weird at all...
The guys practically yawn collectively after the first movie. It’s nearly four in the morning. They bid good night and head off to their respective rooms. It’s now or never. "Nicky, I have to, uhm... explain something." I move from my spot in his lap and sit with my legs folded under me, facing him. He yawns, not because I’m boring him, but because he’s actually tired for once. "It’s really important and I have to get this off my chest." He nods. I sigh and try to fathom as to how to begin. "Alright, I don’t know if you have or not, but there’s a reason as to why, if you called, that is, that you get some kind of recorded message that the number is no longer available. And it hasn’t been available for the past month. And also why I’ve had a post office box for the past month." I pause and rub my eyes. "I’m starting to ramble again. I can’t dance around this, Nicky, you know I’ve never been good at that." He nods again as if he understands but his eyes are almost fearful. "Gramma died three years ago and you know that. I told you that, after a year of being there alone, that I wanted to give the house to my cousin who has a family and that the old place was just too big for me to be there alone." I pause again and sigh. "That wasn’t the complete truth. I couldn’t pay the bills for the house. I did give it to my cousin and I moved into my apartment. Things were fine for a while, but then work at the plant got slow and I got laid off." I’m only pausing here for clarification. I worked at a manufacturing plant in Tampa. I loved the job and the people there but the company went near bankrupt and got rid of the newest people. I worked there for two years and I was the last to be laid off. I continued: "I finally got a job at the bowling alley but it was too late." His fearful looked turned into one of almost horror. "I couldn’t pay the bills there, either. And I got kicked out. That was a month ago and the reason I didn’t have a phone or a real address for a while there."
"So... where are you living now?"
I get up from the couch, take his hand in mine, and pull him to his feet. I lead him to the front window of the house where we stop. I lift my free arm and point to my car. "Home sweet home," I sigh.
"You’re living in your car?" He didn’t know what to think of all of this.
"I would have told you sooner but I didn’t know how. I would have written it in one of our letters but I wanted to be the one to tell you, face to face. I would have said something at the bowling alley, but I knew how you’d react."
He thinks for a moment. "You told Howie before you told me?"
"I had to explain why the back seat of my car was packed with clothes and blankets and a lamp..."
"And that’s why he was acting all weird tonight?"
"That was weird?"
"For Howie, yeah," he smiles.
I sigh again. "I was so afraid you’d turn me away or something. Things have been really bad lately." I turn my head down and close my eyes and feel the tears well up at this understatement. You know the old saying, ‘If life gives you lemons, make lemonade’? If lemons were gasoline, I would have been able to solve that big oil crisis the nation was in a few months ago-single-handedly, at that.
He lifts his free hand from his side. I don’t see this but more feel it. He cups my chin between his thumb and forefinger and lifts my face up so he can look me in the eye. "Lore, please look at me," he whispers. My eyes are still closed but I open them. My teary eyes meet his own. "You know I would never turn you away. You’re my best friend, Delores, I love you too much to do that and you know it."
"But there’s so much you don’t know, Nicky, so much I haven’t told you," I whisper. Tears slip from my eyes and down my cheeks. "So much I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t know when I’d see you again or if it would be the same..."
"It’ll always be the same, Lore," he whispers and pulls me into his arms for a strong embrace. "There’s nothing you can’t tell me."
"I don’t know if you’d understand..."
He pulls away and smiles at me. "Try me."
I step away from him and make my way back to the futon where I sit down. He is soon at my side. "Mom started writing to me." Another pause here for clarification. I moved to Tampa from Pennsylvania when I was around ten years old. My mother and father fought a lot and they didn't want me to see it. Domestic violence. That's not the only reason, though. My grandmother got custody of me in my parents' divorce.
"I thought she wasn't supposed to?" he half asks.
"I'm over eighteen, she can do whatever she wants to do." I sigh. "She says that she's back together with Dad. I think it's for the money in his will, but she won't admit to that." I pause and look down at my hands, unsure of how to continue. For some reason I feel that this will have a big impact on Nick, but that's just plain silly because he never knew my parents. I continue. "Dad's got cancer. He's got about three months to live." He looks stupefied. "She wants me to come home and see them; so they can see how I've turned out. They only got occasional pictures from Gramma but that stopped when she died."
"You mean, you haven't written to them in three years?"
"I never wrote to them, Nicky. I don't know what to say... 'Thank you for getting rid of me, sending me to Florida to live with my grandmother, to watch her die?' Or how about 'Thanks for getting rid of me so I can end up living in my car and working at a bowling alley just so I can eat'?" My voice softens. "'Thanks for sending me to Florida to become best friends with a guy who leaves to become world famous'?"
Nick sighs. "I had that much of an impact on you when I left?"
"More than you'll ever know." I never look at him.
"What do you think you'll do?"
"I would go to see them, but I don't have enough money for a plane ticket or gas. And I don't want to watch another person die." He knows about my history; Gramma died, then three friends. I watched them all die.
He leaves it at that. "I know you'll make the right decision." He wraps his arms around me and just holds me there on the futon, rocking me softly. I seem to have this problem with telling people the complete truth. Nick thins I haven’t been home in eighteen years. Truth be told, I was there about ten years ago. Things didn’t go too well on my last visit. Will I tell him the full truth? Not if I can help it.
He doesn't speak for a long time, and when he does, it's in a whisper. "I'll never leave you again, Delores, never. Not if I can help it." Too bad I don't hear this; I'm already asleep in his arms. It was a rough night.
