TONIGHT I WANNA CRY
Chapter One
Alone in this house again
tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down, and a bottle of wine
There’s pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and should have been surrounds me
I'll never get over you walking away.
Rose walked into a hotel in
America. America. She had thought she would never make it to America. Rose
looked at the clerk, and she smiled politely, like she always did. The clerk
looked at the beautiful seventeen-year-old girl, and he smiled.
"Good evening, miss…you
would like to reserve a room?" Rose nodded her head slowly, no emotion on
her face.
"Yes, I would, sir. I’ve had
a really bad night." The clerk nodded with an understanding smile and got
out a pen.
"I take you were one of the
passengers on the Titanic?" Rose nodded her head slowly and sadly. Was
there something on her forehead that let everyone know that she was on the
Titanic?
"Yes, I was on the
Titanic…may I please have a room?" The clerk nodded and looked into her
green eyes.
"May I take your name,
miss?"
"Rose…Dawson," Rose
answered, refraining from breaking into sobs as she remembered Jack. The clerk
wrote down her name and gave her the key to her room.
"Here you go, Miss Dawson.
It’s room 204. And it’s free." Rose smiled weakly out of appreciation.
"Thank you, sir…good
night."
"Good night, Miss
Dawson." Rose slowly walked away, she trying to find her hotel room.
When she finally found her room,
she walked in, closed the door, and locked it. She leaned against the door and
sighed sadly. She was, for the first time in a really long time, alone. She
didn’t have Cal, her mother, Molly, or, most importantly…Jack. She didn’t have
Jack with her.
Well, I've never been the kind
to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that being strong meant never losing your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride
Let it fall like rain from my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry.
Rose walked over to the bed,
turned off the lamp, and lay down in the darkness that soon drowned her. She was
tired, but refused to fall asleep. She didn’t want to go to sleep. As she
stared at the barely seen ceiling, she remembered Jack.
Jack Dawson. Jack Dawson made her
whole. Jack Dawson was the only person in her whole life who actually had
concern for her hopes and dreams. She had never had that before. Her mother
didn’t have any interest in the matter, and neither did Cal. Jack was the
person she could talk to about anything. She missed that already.
Would it help if I turned a
sad song on?
All By Myself would sure hit me hard
Now that you're gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It's gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I'll never get over you by hiding this way.
Rose turned over on her side and
let a single tear roll down her cheek. She remembered how trapped she had been
before Jack came into her life and saved her. Rose closed her eyes for a quick
second and remembered the fateful time when Jack had confronted her about it.
*****
"Rose, you're no picnic,
all right? You're a spoiled little brat, even, but under that, you're the most
amazing, astounding, wonderful girl…woman that I've ever known..." Rose
began to walk away. She did not want to go through this right now.
"Jack, I..." But
Jack would not let her walk away into an unhappy life. He couldn’t let that
happen to Rose.
"No. Let me try and get
this out. You're amazing--I'm not an idiot. I know how the world works. I've
got ten bucks in my pocket, I have nothing to offer you, and I know that. I
understand. But I'm too involved now. You jump, I jump, remember? I can't turn
away without knowing you'll be all right...that's all I want." Rose nodded
her head slowly, trying to convince him she was fine. But deep inside…she
wasn’t.
"Well, I'm fine...I'll be
fine...really."
"Really? I don't think
so. They've got you trapped, Rose, and you're gonna die if you don't break
free. Maybe not right away, because you're strong, but...sooner or later, that
fire that I love about you, Rose...that fire's gonna burn out..." Jack put
a gentle hand on her soft face and slowly began to caress her cheek. Rose was
on the verge of tears, and she stared at Jack sadly.
"It's not up to you to
save me, Jack."
"You're right... only you
can do that."
*****
Rose’s eyes shot open when she
heard thunder. She sat up in her bed, brought her knees to her chest, and
wrapped her arms around her knees. She couldn’t help but feel responsible for
what had happened to Jack. He had died trying to save her. His life was worth
more than hers. He had lived life as if each moment counted. She hadn’t started
doing that until she finally told Jack she loved him.
‘Cause I've never been the
kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that being strong meant never losing your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride
Let it fall like rain from my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry.
"Oh, Jack! Why did I have to
let go? Why did you make me promise such an awful thing? I can’t believe I let
go! Why did you die, and why did I live? Why, Jack? Why?" Rose sobbed
loudly, and she began to bang her fists against the wall behind the bed. She
knew that she was probably waking up the people in the other room, but they
probably hadn’t lost anyone like she had lost someone.
"I thought we were going to
ride on roller coasters ‘til we got sick! I thought you were going to teach me
how to chew tobacco like a man! I thought you were going to teach me how to
ride a horse with one leg on each side. I thought you would take me to the
stars! I thought we would be happy together!" Rose continued to sob as she
choked out those words.
Well, I've never been the kind
to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that being strong meant never losing your self-control
But I'm just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with this pride
Let it fall like rain from my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry.
"Jack…if you can hear me…I
want you to know…that I will never love another man like I have loved you. I
promise that I will get married and have children…but I will never let go of
the love that I had for you…I promise you that, Jack." Rose continued to
sob as she rested her head back on the pillow. She cried herself to sleep that
night.
She could have been dreaming, of
course…but she could’ve sworn she felt Jack sleeping next to her with his arm
draped around her.