RUNAWAY ROSE
Chapter Seventy-Five
Los Angeles, California
August 15, 1917
The first couple of months after Jack and Rose
moved to Los Angeles were peaceful ones. Jack soon settled into his new office
job, finding it much easier than the warehouse job he had done before. After
about a week, Rose found another waitressing job, using her references from Riverside.
She signed back on with one of the casting agencies, working as an extra. She
still hoped to win a larger role in a moving picture, but for the time being
she was satisfied with being an extra.
Rose and Jack moved into a small apartment on
the outskirts of town. It would have been too much for either of them to afford
alone, but together they were able to pay the rent and buy necessities. They
didn’t have much money, but neither worried about it.
Rose had almost managed to push her worries
and fears out of her mind. She lived happily with Jack, forgetting the nagging
feeling that she was cursed that had so often hounded her before. She was
content, at peace with herself, and Jack, too, was happier than he had been in
a long time.
This changed when Rose realized that she was
often getting sick in the mornings. It had happened on and off since early
July, but infrequently enough that she had attributed it to an upset stomach,
brought on by some illness or some food that had disagreed with her.
When the morning sickness became more
frequent, Rose suddenly found herself looking back to her experience over five
years earlier, when she had become pregnant and hadn’t realized it until she
had miscarried. She had learned a lot since then, and was far more familiar
with the symptoms of pregnancy. Thinking back, she realized that she hadn’t
menstruated since early in June, before she had left Riverside.
At first, she couldn’t understand how it had
happened. She and Jack had always used some form of contraceptive—except, she
remembered, that first night together, the night before they had come to Los
Angeles. Doing some quick calculations, she counted the days and knew that it
had happened that night.
She was pregnant. Rose didn’t know whether to
rejoice or weep. She had wanted a child for so long, but she wasn’t married,
and she wasn’t sure if Jack wanted to marry her. He would, of course—he would
see it as his duty—and he would provide for the child if she asked him to.
Or he would try. She knew Jack well enough to
know that he would never back away from something so important, and that he
would love the child, and her, but how would he provide for them? They were
barely making ends meet as it was. She didn’t know if she would still be able
to work once her pregnancy became visible, and even if she was able to
continue, she would still be unable to work for a while when she had the baby.
Rose buried her head in her hands. She had
saved a little extra money from her film work, but it wasn’t much. If she had
had success in film, there would be no problem in providing for the baby, but
she hadn’t yet gotten far in the industry, and any success she might have would
have to wait.
Jack would help, of course, but work was hard
for him to find, with his crippled leg, and she didn’t know if he would be able
to find a higher paying job or not. Could she really put such a burden on him?
I don’t need to worry about it quite yet, she thought. Maybe I’m not pregnant at all. Maybe I
really do have some stomach illness, and that’s all that is happening. There
was a low-cost medical clinic nearby. She would go there after work and find
out for certain what was going on.
*****
Even before she visited the doctor, Rose knew
what he would find. She was most definitely pregnant. Approximately two months
along, he told her. Rose just nodded. She had already known, but she had needed
a definite answer.
Rose was quiet at dinner that night. She
couldn’t bring herself to tell Jack that she was with child. She couldn’t put
that burden on him.
But he would find out eventually. She
couldn’t hide it forever. Even if she managed to hide her morning sickness from
him, she wouldn’t be able to hide her swelling belly. It didn’t show yet, but
it would soon.
Rose felt a wave of sorrow wash over her as
she listened to him talk. His face was bright as he told her about his day at
work, about the drawing he had sold to a tourist during his lunch break, but
she hardly heard a word. She offered the occasional polite comment, but her
mind was elsewhere.
What was she going to do? She couldn’t burden
Jack with this child, but she couldn’t give it up, either. She had wanted a
baby for years, and she wouldn’t give this one up, though she knew that there
were ways that she could have discreetly gotten rid of it, or people who would
have taken the child once it was born. But she wanted the baby, and was
unwilling to give it up, no matter what she had to sacrifice.
*****
Rose stood beside the bed, looking at Jack.
He was sleeping peacefully, his face visible in the moonlight streaming through
the window.
It was past midnight, but she hadn’t slept.
Her mind had been in turmoil, trying to decide what to do. She had only come to
a decision a half hour earlier.
Placing one hand on her stomach, Rose reached
down and touched Jack’s face gently with the other. She was dressed, her
suitcase packed and set in the kitchen. She was familiar with the trains in Los
Angeles from the first time she had lived there. One was leaving, bound for San
Francisco, in forty-five minutes.
Her eyes filled with tears as she looked down
at his sleeping form. What would he think when he awoke to find her gone? She
had left a brief note, telling him only that she was leaving. She hadn’t said
why.
She would go to San Francisco and stay with
Deborah until the baby was born. After that, she would find some kind of work
to support herself and the child. Jack need never know where she had gone, or
why she had left.
She should have known from the start that
things wouldn’t work out. Nothing had ever worked out for her, and there was no
reason why this time should have been any different. Jack would eventually
forget about her and go on with his life, and she would bear and raise her
child, and try to forget about the baby’s father.
Jack stirred under her touch, and she drew
back, afraid that she had awakened him. What would she do if he awoke and found
her ready to leave? She looked down at him, already knowing the answer. She
would stay, stay and try to make a life for all three of them. But it wouldn’t
work, and she already knew it.
Jack turned over in his sleep, settling
beneath the blanket. He hadn’t woken up. Disappointed deep inside, but knowing
that it was for the best, Rose turned and left the room.
In the kitchen, she picked up her suitcase and
slipped quietly out the apartment door, walking silently down to the street.
Looking back once, she turned and headed for the train station.