Rose’s POV
The silence was tense and thickening by the second on our private promenade. Cal glared at me in silence, his face hidden from the bright morning sunlight streaming in through the windows. I fiddled with my fingers, barely noticing as Trudy appeared and filled our coffee cups. She retreated in equal silence, noticing the charged atmosphere.
"I had hoped you would come to me last night," Cal finally said. I looked up from my coffee, thinking of a response.
"I was tired," I offered lamely, knowing he wouldn't believe me. But I was exhausted from having such an amazing time with Jack. Dancing with him, drinking with him, dancing…
"Yes. Your exertions below decks were no doubt exhausting." His cold words interrupted my train of thought, and I stiffened, glaring wordlessly at him.
"I see you had that undertaker of a manservant following me," I said, my tone icy cold. He looked taken aback for a split-second before anger contorted his handsome features.
"You will never behave like that again. Do you understand?" he asked, barely refraining from shouting. His chest was heaving, as if he'd run a marathon, but I couldn’t care less. A cool fury overtook me, and I was startled before I found I didn't care.
"I'm not some foreman in your mills that you can command! I'm your fiancée—"
And then he exploded. I was startled, shocked that he would—that he could—get so angry. His arms swept the table to the ground in a crash of breaking china and spilling water, and a second later he was hovering above me, arms gripping the sides of my chair, trapping me in his livid gaze. I swallowed, suddenly afraid. I shrank away from his gaze, afraid of this side of Cal.
"Yes! You are! And my wife...in practice, if not yet by law. So you will honor me, as a wife is required to honor her husband! I will not be made out a fool! Is this in any way unclear?" His words were spat out at me and I shrank even further into my chair, refusing to answer, fighting back tears. Cal stood up suddenly and swept out of the room. When I saw Trudy standing in the corner with a pitcher of orange juice, I understood why he left so suddenly.
"We…we had a little accident. I'm sorry, Trudy," I said, my voice shaking. I tried to help her clean the mess up, but she shooed me away. I complied reluctantly, heading to my room on shaky legs.
My mother was in there, waiting to help me tie my corset. I changed quickly, turning my back on her so she could tie it. She tied the laces tightly, making me gasp out.
"You are not to see that boy again. Do you understand me, Rose? I forbid it!" Mother ordered, giving the laces an extra sharp yank to underline her words’ importance.
"Oh, stop it, Mother," I said, annoyed at her. "You'll only give yourself a nosebleed." I knew I sounded arrogant, but I couldn't help it. Cal's sudden flare of anger still lingered in my mind, making me tense and on edge. I was surprised when Mother wheeled away from me for a few seconds. I heard the lock click shut and understanding flashed through me. I mentally prepared myself for the money lecture again.
"Rose, this is not a game! Our situation is precarious. You know the money's gone!" Mother said, her voice even and steady, but not quite hiding the undercurrent of fear and desperation.
"Of course I know it's gone! You remind me every day!" I retorted sharply.
"Your father left us nothing but a legacy of bad debts hidden by a good name. And that name is the only card we have to play," my mother continued as if I hadn't spoken. "I don't understand you. It is a fine match with Hockley, and it will ensure our survival."
Her words stung me, hurting me deep inside. I was confused now. I had such a wonderful time with Jack last night, and yet… "How can you put this on my shoulders?"
Mother turned and faced me, and for the first time, I see plain, naked, unbridled fear in their sea-blue depths. "Do you want to see me working as a seamstress? Is that what you want? Do you want to see our fine things sold at an auction, our memories scattered to the winds? My God, Rose. How can you be so selfish?"
Me? Selfish? How? I failed to see that, but I understood the truth of her words.
"It's so unfair," I whispered, letting my mother finish tying the corset laces.
"Of course it's unfair. We're women. Our choices our never easy." Silently, I agreed with her, bowing my head low to hide the few escaped tears.
*****
The church service passed with no sign of Jack. Afterwards, Mr. Andrews took us on a strolling tour of the ship, proudly explaining everything to Cal, Mother, and I.
"Mr. Andrews," I interrupted, gazing at the rows of lifeboats, "I did the sum in my head, and with the number of lifeboats times the capacity you mentioned…forgive me, but it seems that there are not enough for everyone aboard." I gazed at him curiously. He seemed taken aback for an instant before smiling.
"About half, actually. Rose, you miss nothing, do you?" he asked, his fatherly face positively beaming. "In fact, I put in these new type davits, which can take an extra row of boats here," he continued, pointing down the deck. "But it was thought…by some…that the deck would look too cluttered. So, I was overruled." His brilliant fatherly smile dimmed, and a pensive expression captured his features.
Too cluttered? I thought in disbelief. If the ship sank, there was no telling how many people would die!
"Waste of space as it is, on an unsinkable ship!" Cal said gaily, slapping the side of a nearby lifeboat. A retort bubbled up my throat, but I forced it down, not wanting to cause a scene.
"Sleep soundly, young Rose. I have built you a good ship, strong and true. She's all the lifeboat you need," Mr. Andrews reassured me, smiling good-naturedly. He started walking, and I began to follow. I stopped abruptly when a hand grabbed my elbow, sending a volt of electricity though my body. Jack? I wondered dazedly. I turned to face him, smiling when I realized it was Jack.
He shushed me before I can say anything, though, and led me to the gymnasium.
"Jack, this is impossible. I can't see you," I said, though my heart pounded with love for him. I began to say more, but Jack grabbed me by the shoulders, piercing me with sky blue eyes. His expression was stern, serious, a lock of flyaway blond hair covering one eye.
"Rose, you're no picnic…you're a spoiled little brat, even, but under that you're a strong, pure heart, and you're the most amazingly astounding girl I've ever known, and…"
"Jack, I…"
"No, wait. Let me try to get this out. You're amazing, and I know I have nothing to offer you, Rose. I know that. But I'm involved now. You jump, I jump, remember? I can't turn away without knowing that you're going to be all right."
Tears welled up in my eyes and my vision became fuzzy. I’d never met anyone so open, so real.
"You're making this very hard. I'll be fine. Really," I told him, but I knew he didn't believe me.
"I don't think so. They've got you in a glass jar like some butterfly, and you're going to die if you don't break out. Maybe not right away, because you're strong. But sooner or later, the fire in you is going to go out."
Was he trying to save me?
"It's not up to you to save me, Jack," I told him, regret tangible in my voice.
"You're right. Only you can do that." He startled me by agreeing. I was expecting more disagreement.
"I have to go back. They'll miss me. Please, Jack, for both our sakes, leave me alone." I slipped out from beneath his arms and out the door. I glanced back through the window and saw him still standing there, a lost expression on his face.