AFTER STARTING ANEW
Chapter Five

January 19, 1919
1 A.M.

Rose sat in the rocking chair in their bedroom. She had finished nursing Cora and was trying to get her to go back to sleep. The room was dark except for the moonlight that splashed across the bed. Jack was sleeping soundly, still in his uniform.

She thought back on the day during which so much had transpired. It had gone well enough, she supposed. The children had been busy showing their father every new toy, drawing and photograph they could find. Molly and Edy had opened their presents and blew out the candles on the cake, thrilled that their dad was at last home to share their special day. There were birthday gifts, plus the treasures for everyone from France. He had brought two handmade dolls for the twins, a doughboy’s mess kit for Frank and a teddy bear for Cora. There was a lace hanky for Ruth, a battle map signed by General Pershing for Arthur and a bone for Byron. Jack had whispered that she would get her gift later.

Jack had looked tired all day, but he had managed to converse with Ruth and Arthur. He had held Cora for a long time and pronounced her perfect. And Byron was finally satisfied when Jack had taken him for a very short walk down the block. Everyone had gotten some of Jack’s attention, except for Rose. While he had not exactly ignored her, Jack had just given her a glance or a quick smile. She had hoped to clear the air between them tonight, but he had gone up to bed around 7 and here he was, still in a deep slumber.

Rose looked down at Cora who had at last fallen asleep. It was time to take her back to her crib. She walked through the darkened house, down the hallway to the baby’s room. As she glanced in at Edy and Molly and into Frank’s room, she saw that they too were soundly sleeping. Everyone seemed at peace, except her. She felt such a turmoil inside of her and she needed to know just where things stood between her and Jack. Despite the look he had given her in the station, no couple could say the things they had to each other and then carry on as if nothing had happened.

She laid Cora down gently in the crib and pulled the blanket up to cover her. As she did so, she felt an uneasy sensation inside of her. As though someone was watching her. She turned slowly and in the shadows saw Jack standing in the doorway. Her heart began to pound.

“She’s beautiful, Rose. Just like you,” whispered Jack, lounging against the doorframe, his hands folded across his chest.

Jack stared at her for a moment longer and then he walked over to the foot of the crib and looked down at the sleeping child.

“I’m sorry that I left you to go through that again, alone. But now that I see her, I’m not sorry she’s here.”

Rose’s lips started to quiver.

“Jack, I thought you were asleep,” said Rose, not quite knowing what to say.

“I woke up and realized that I still had this uniform on. I thought I better take it off,” he said with a serious look in his eyes. “For the last time,” he added grimly.

Rose turned to the baby once more, leaning over to kiss Cora. Then very hesitantly, almost shyly, she took a few steps toward Jack. There were no distractions now. Perhaps she could ask her questions.

He reached out and took both her hands in his, drawing her near to him.

“Rose, we have a few things to settle,” he said reading her mind as usual.

He briefly shut his eyes as he tried to compose his thoughts. He only wanted to have this discussion once and he wanted to get it right.

“Rose,” he began with a shakiness in his voice, “I hurt you. I said horrible things to you. I made you doubt my love for you and I behaved terribly. It’s hard for you to understand, but never did the love I carry for you inside of me, waver for one instant.”

“Jack, please, you don’t have to apol…..”she began.

But he gently placed his index finger on her lips.

“No, Rose. I have to say these things. Your love was the one thing that kept me going. But with all I went through, it was as if a demon took over and controlled how I acted and what I said. I didn’t want to be that way.”

He shook his head sadly, before going on.

“And Rose, no matter what, I would have come home. I, I want you to know that.”

She pulled her hands away from Jack and covered her face. The emotions of the moment were too great for her to look at him. And anyway, the tears were blurring her vision so that she couldn’t even see.

“Rose, say something to me,” he pleaded almost desperately.

He put his arms around her and gently tucked her head against his shoulder.

“Sometimes when I think of that visit, Jack, it seems like a bad dream. I could never have imagined us acting like that. I should have been more understanding,” she mumbled in between her sobs. “All the way home on the train I felt awful. Thinking about how I had hurt you. But I was so worn out with worry for you, from the baby and dealing with the children. And I was too ashamed to write to you. I didn’t know what to say in a letter. I was afraid, Jack. Afraid that you didn’t love me anymore. That maybe you had forgotten how to love.”

She cried quietly into his shoulder for awhile and let him comfort her. It was so easy now, so natural to share her burdens with him.

“Shhhh, Rose. I’m here now. It’s going to be alright. Shhhhh.” He threaded his fingers through her curly red hair, breathing in her scent of lilac and rose water.

Jack lifted her chin and gazed at her.

“Rose, I know it’s not a good thing to just sweep things under the rug and pretend that they never happened. But I think that maybe this is different. I want us to forget those days of that visit. Pretend like it never happened. Take those ten days out of our lives. And we’ll find ten new days and fill them with something beautiful. We were so lucky Rose. So lucky. Can we promise never to speak of this ever again after tonight?”

She was so overcome that she could not speak. She just lifted her shoulders and sighed.

Jack had one more question.

“I saw that you moved all the furniture around and reorganized the whole house. What’s that all about?”

Rose gave him a puzzled look.

“In the telegram, Jack, you said be ready for me. I thought you wanted me to make things easier for you to get around.”

Jack started to chuckle softly. There was a teasing look in his eyes that she had not seen since before he knew he was going to war.

“Rose, Rose, you are something. I must have lost my way with words.”

He took her by the hand and led her to the door of their bedroom. He had turned on the light next to the bed and now the room was flooded with a warm glow.

“That’s not quite what I meant,” he said as he nodded his head in the direction of the bed.

She looked up at Jack. Her eyes and mouth opened wide as she realized the meaning of his words.

“Oh, I didn’t think or believe that you could have meant…Oh Jack, I feel so silly. But I didn’t think you could or even wanted me.”

“I still have to get this uniform off. That’ll take a minute or two. Just enough time for you to get in there and BE READY FOR ME,” he said emphasizing the last four words.

Rose glanced over to her side of the bed. There on the pillow was the most beautiful nightgown she had ever seen. It was made of beige silk, with insets of cream colored Belgium lace. She walked over to the bed and ran her hands over the delicate garment.

“Jack, is this my gift?” she asked breathlessly.

“Yes.” He took a breath before he spoke again. “That was one of the things that really tore me up inside when I was sick. Thinking that I would never see you in that. I bought all these things before..before it happened.”

He rested his forehead in his left hand and shook his head as he was nearly overcome with emotion. Rose came and put her arms around him.

“Oh, Jack. Remember you just said we were not going to look back. We’ve got too much to live for now. A lot to catch up on.”

She pulled his hand from his forehead and rested it on her shoulder. Rose stared up at him with lowered eyelids. Her hair was falling in her face. Jack gazed at her for a moment and then started to return her smoldering look. Gently he cradled her face in his hands, pulling her near him so that their lips were only inches apart. Her breathing became irregular, her body felt like it was melting where she stood. She swallowed hard. It had been a very long time since she had felt this way. She had almost forgotten what Jack’s nearness could do to her.

“Jack, maybe I should go put that nightgown on.” She started to move away from him, and reach for the gown.

“Not so fast, Rose. We haven’t quite resolved things here. There is something we haven’t said to each other yet,” said Jack quietly, grabbing her hand.

She looked up at him and suddenly remembered what she had thought about yesterday morning. The letter in which he said he loved her and the fact that those words had not been in any of their conversations. Rose closed her eyes and leaned her head against his shoulder. Her mouth felt dry. Words that had always been on the tip of her tongue were hard in coming. So much time had gone by since they had uttered those words. She could hear Jack’s ragged breathing in her ear. The only other noise was the silence of the room and the beating of their hearts.

“I love you, Rose. I’ve not said that to you in person for fifteen months. And I’ve not let you know that even in a letter for five months. Oh, Rose, I’m sorry. I could have made a real mess of things with us. I’m so sorry,” he said, his voice starting to crack and his grip on her tightening. He leaned his forehead against hers and repeated the only words that seemed to make sense right now. “I’m sorry. God, I love you so much, Rose.”

“Jack, it was me too. It was everything,” she said starting to cry. “I love you too Jack. But this whole thing was more than we ever expected. Something we didn’t know how to deal with. Please, Jack, please know that I never stopped loving you.”

They stood that way, entwined in each other’s arms for several minutes. Then Jack’s lips brushed against hers and he kissed her. A kiss that came from deep within his heart, a kiss that was returned fully by her. His mouth moved down along her neck and she shivered with excitement. She was filled with a feeling not only of need, but with a sense of security that she had not known for months.

“Rose,” he whispered, “maybe you should have been the one going to war. We might have won a little sooner. When you give those looks of yours, no man has a chance. I think you would have had the whole German army at its feet with one toss of your head.”

She gave him a smile and giggled softly. Their eyes connected and her body began to tingle as she felt his hands begin to touch all over. She pressed herself to Jack’s body, desirous of being as close to him as possible.

“Rose,” he groaned, “this feels so good. I’ve been dreaming of this night for a long time.”

Rose sighed contentedly and thought to herself, “Another sleepless night.”

She was remembering the magical times of their early marriage. Before children, before wars. When there had only been the two of them in the safe little world of their bedroom.

She had never dreamt how much things could change in twenty four hours. The worries and dread she had felt yesterday were gone forever. This night would be much different. It would be a night of delight and passion, of renewal and life. A celebration of their unquenchable love.

Chapter Six
Stories