AFTER STARTING ANEW
Chapter Thirty-Eight
February 27th, 1940
We had a bad scare this morning. Arthur had
some chest pain and the doctor suggested that we take him to the hospital. The
youngest Lopez boy took the morning off from work and drove us there. Jack left
school and met us at the hospital. I wish Rose were here. And Molly too. But
Rose is in Atlanta visiting Cora who is performing in a play and Molly of
course is far away in Chicago. My poor dear looked so pale in contrast to his
navy blue robe. He managed a smile when I left. Maria made me eat a sandwich
just now, but I really have no appetite. I am almost afraid to go to sleep.
When I suggested to Arthur that I spend the night at the hospital he absolutely
forbade it, saying that he wanted to see me fresh and rested in the morning.
Then he grabbed my hand and pulled me close. We parted with a tender kiss and a
wave. The nurse assured me that he would be waiting for me in the morning.
February 28th, 1940
My world is forever changed. Arthur passed
from this world at 1:30 this afternoon. He was waiting for me as the nurse said
he would be. But waiting to get my approval, that it was okay to let go. Things
are so confusing now. So many people in and out of the house. Rose won’t be
here until Thursday morning. I still want to believe that he is alive, just
gone for awhile. Everyone has tried to keep the house quiet. But I can’t stand
the silence. I almost wish for the children to be small once more. That would
be some distraction. Jack, of course, has been his usual tower of strength, but
these two days have taken a toll on him. He has been trying to help me with the
arrangements and deal with all the people. I just wish that Rose would come. I
feel that I need her more than ever before. I must sleep now but I can’t. This
is too unbelievable. How will I ever be able to leave him there alone?
March 3, 1940
Arthur’s funeral. Cold and raw today. Just
how I feel inside. All the warmth and heat of this house can’t warm my soul or
comfort my heart. Part of me wants to be with him, dead in the ground. But when
I look at Rose and Jack and the children, I know that they want me here. So
many people here today. Feeling lost in the confusion, lost without him. I can’t
go on.
April 24, 1940
Today for the first time in over a month, I
see a reason to live. Marjorie and Frank presented me with my first
great-grandchild. A little boy named Robert David. Things went very well and I
understand he is a big baby. I believe Rose told me he weighed over eight
pounds. Frank will pick me up and take me to visit Margie tomorrow in the
hospital. Oh, how Arthur would have loved this. I can imagine him in my mind
reading to this little boy, walking and playing with him as he did with Frank.
May 15th. 1940
The war continues in Europe. Children in
England are being evacuated to Canada. Bombs fall on London. And here young men
with pilot's licenses cross the border to Canada to sign up to fly for them.
The battle must be won at all costs. I only hope that we can stay out and that
it will be over soon. Today was such a lovely day. The baby was christened this
morning. Patrick is the baby’s godfather and a friend of Marjorie’s from
college, the godmother. Perhaps some responsibility like that will be good for
Patrick. He has been better lately. All of a sudden he seems interested in
history. Perhaps the war motivates him. Thank goodness he is too young to go to
war. Certainly if we do get into it, all will be over before Patrick would have
to enlist.
June 21, 1940
Another blessing bestowed on this family. A
little girl. Edy and Nils’ baby was born this morning in a hospital in
Virginia. Hence her name, Virginia Christina. Christina for Nils’ mother. What
a shame now with the war, she won’t be able to come from Denmark and visit.
Rose will be leaving in a few days for Washington. She is needed to help take
care of the baby. Just finished helping Margie and now she is off again. Such
hectic times for the family. Molly wrote last week that they are being trained
for all kinds of emergencies. Perhaps they know things we don’t know. I
couldn’t bear the thought of our country being bombed to pieces like England.
How brave and stoic those people must be. And the young men who have flown
against the Germans. They should be glorified forever. We have to take what is
dealt us, I suppose, but we are so big and so far away. Maybe all will be well
after all. Violet Shaw picked me up after lunch for my book club. She was the
one who suggested that I try getting back into my old activities. Trying to get
some order into my life. That is what Arthur would want. I will never get over
missing him. But thinking of him gives me strength.
October 20th
Today Cora was married. It was quite the
occasion. Eleanor was in town quite by chance and made an appearance at the
reception. I think she stayed away from the church, not wanting to make a
circus of the ceremony. Cora looked lovely. Her ivory satin dress fell softly
from her waist. Molly had decorated her cane with ribbon and flowers and it
looked like an extension of her bouquet. Matthew’s eyes absolutely sparkled
when he saw her walking down the aisle. She was a little too nervous to try and
walk on her own as she did at Edy’s wedding. All of the children were in the wedding
except for Edy. She is still nursing the baby and was afraid that Ginny would
need her. Instead she served punch and collected the gifts. Such a joyous
afternoon. Jack gave away yet another of his daughters. He still looks so
handsome and age has only been good to him. Both he and Rose are quite a
dashing couple. I suppose that is what true love does. When I look in the
mirror I still see some of the old happiness in my eyes. A little blurred now
from cataracts. But the mark of Arthur and our love still rests on my face. We
had twenty-five wonderful years together. Twenty-five years that I never
imagined possible. At the reception we all danced. Even Matthew got to dance
with Mrs. Roosevelt herself. She made a toast to Cora and Matthew, wishing them
good luck and commending them for their hard work at Warm Springs.
December 20th, 1940
Another year has gone by. Thanksgiving has
passed and as I looked in my journal from last year, I saw my wish that
everyone would still all be together. But that was not to be. Arthur is gone,
but in his place are two darling babies. They are my salvation. Quite often I
go over and help Margie with Robert. And Edy has invited me to come to
Washington for the Cherry Blossoms. Rose is busy cooking and decorating the
house for Christmas. We will all be here again, thankfully. Plus there will be
four extra guests. After years of writing back and forth Fabrizio, Jack’s old
friend, and his wife Nora are finally coming to Denver. I guess it has been
very hard to get away from his three restaurants. Jack and Rose visited with
him briefly on their way to Europe a couple of years ago. He has promised to
make some special dishes for Christmas Eve. Their son, Sean, is about Patrick’s
age and they have a little adopted girl named Angela.
January 20th, 1941
I have been glued to the radio today
listening to the events in Washington. FDR is being inaugurated for this third
term. Something unprecedented in American history. He is well thought of for
getting us out of the Depression, but some people think he is angling to get us
into the war. On the newsreels in the theaters we see ships and supplies being
shipped to England. This is very dangerous since these boats are targets for
the U-boats, the German submarines. We are all tense watching the conflicts in
China and Europe. I just wonder how long we can last before it involves us too
or just what will happen to force our hand. I am going to the doctor tomorrow.
Really I don’t know what all the fuss is about. I complained to Rose that I have
had some severe back pain in the last few days. Nothing seems to relieve it.
I’ve also been a bit dizzy. Both she and Jack were adamant that I go and see
Dr. Wheatly. I am quite sure it is nothing but old age and if this will quiet
them down, I suppose I can co-operate.
January 21st, 1941
I was right. There appears to be nothing
wrong with me. The doctor found nothing unusual. He just gave me a prescription
for a pain pill if my back bothers me too much. When I came home I had a look
through my old journals and all my photograph albums. What a wonderful life I
have had. I still hope to be around to see Molly and Patrick find spouses someday.
Patrick is so smart that I hope he does not waste his intelligence getting into
trouble over some foolish prank. His grades are astounding and things come so
easily to him. I think he rather likes the recognition of being first in his
class. Molly seems so devoted to her career. She has met so many eligible young
men. Doctors and other professionals. But so far no one has swept her off her
feet. I just hope that she does not end up an old maid nurse, living out her
days in a tiny apartment in some nurses’ residence. I just have a feeling that
she is looking for someone out of the ordinary. Someone who can match her adventurous
spirit. Maria’s daughter just brought me a heating pad. My back is hurting
terribly tonight. I must grin and bear it, though; otherwise the doctor wants
to put me through all kinds of tests. I have no time for things like that. I
still have too much life ahead of me.