Desperately Seeking Yama...
Ucchan: HEY FICCERS! This is my first Digi-humor fic! It's a Yama POV one. It's not good if you're looking for plot, but it's designed for humor, and if you're not paying much attention, you might THINK there's a plot! ENJOY!
Yama: How come all your fics with me in it involve lots of running?
Izzy: Hey! I'm only in this one once!
Ucchan: Because walking takes too long and Izzy, trust me, being in this fic a lot is not by any means a good thing... there's lots of Sora because of that, though...
Sora: I don't like the sound of that....
Mimi: WOW! I'm portrayed COOL in this one!
TK: Kari and I are hardly in it...
Gabumon: but my fur is one of the most important plot devices, so I'm the best!
Kari: Well, TK gets the best job!
TK: I'm scared to ask what you're talking about...
Ucchan: You should be...
Disclaimer: I'm not a character in this at all!
Ucchan: That's cause you're not a character period!
Disclaimer: How mean, without me, you'd be in BIG trouble, cause this fic is completely non-profit and was mostly made just for fun and NONE, count 'em NONE of these characters belong to you!
Ucchan: Well that's ONE way to put it...
Patamon: STORY START! ^_~
All right, here's the deal. I'm hiding out, so DON'T tell anyone where I am, okay? Why? Well, you see, it's kinda all my fault. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking, the all-mighty Yamato Ishida has done something STUPID!? Well, yes, it's true, it happens even to the coolest of us. Anyway, I'm sorta in a fix, and I guess you're wondering what the hell the problem is. Well, it all started two days ago...
"THIS SUCKS!" I yelled.
"NO SHIT!" Tai screamed back.
"CAN YOU TWO PLEASE STOP ARGUING FOR ONE MINUTE WHILE WE'RE RUNNING FOR OUR LIVES!!!!!" Sora shouted in our direction.
"NO!" We called back in unison.
"This is all YOUR fault!" I resumed arguing with Tai, jumping a log in my mad rush for the cave which had been last night's campsite.
"How do you come up with the idea that this is MY fault?" Tai retorted, turning his head long enough to smack it against a low-hanging tree branch.
He stumbled, falling flat on his face, Sora had to jump to avoid tripping on him.
"CRAP!" I cursed, noticing that the annoyingly large and angry digital monster was right behind us! It's not fair, all evil digimon come in one size: extra large.
"IT'S COMING!" I heard my younger brother, TK's, voice resound from several yards ahead of me.
Making a quick decision, I hoisted the unconscious leader of our 'merry' band over my shoulder and continued to run, with the evil digimon even closer than it was before.
"ELECTRO HAMMER!" came the annoying large and angry evil digimon's attack.
The blast leveled most of the forest around us, I even saw Sora, who was in the lead, having to duck the explosion, myself, on the other hand, was hit full-on with the force of the blast.
When I awoke, Tai was setting me down on a bed of straw in the cave.
"Tai?" I asked.
"Hey, Matt, you're awake!" Tai's cheerful voice rang out, "Good to see you're not brain-damaged or anything. TK'll be so happy!"
I blushed, feeling bad that I had yelled at him earlier, "Yeah..." I muttered, "By the way, thanks for saving me..."
Tai grinned, "Hey, I owed you, anyway... tree branch, remember?"
"Yeah..." I grinned.
"HEY! Matt! Matt? Are you in there? Are you okay?" TK's head popped into view, "MATT!" he called happily and glomped onto my bruised self.
"TK" I smiled at my younger sibling.
"Boy, Matt, we were so scared, you weren't moving or anything, but you should've seen Tai, man, it was SOOOO cool. He woke up right after the blast and got Greymon to warp-digivolve!" TK explained in his own enthusiastic way, "And when the digi-jerk was about to shoot you, Tai picked you up and dodged out of the way, it was so COOL!"
I blushed again, *Tai had done all THAT for me?* I thought, *Now, I feel really bad, what am I gonna do to make it up to him?*
"What's wrong, Matt?" TK asked, "You look funny, are you like tired or something?"
I nodded, feeling kinda tired at the mention of the idea, "Yeah, probably, wake me when we're about to leave, okay?" I said, lying down.
"BUT, MIMI...!" came a screechy, nails-on-a-chalk-board voice which I awoke to.
"PALMON! Ssssh! Matt's sleeping!" Mimi shushed the plantlike digimon.
"Ugh... Nevermind Mimi, I'm awake," I told them, sitting up.
Mimi frowned, "Ooooh... I'm sorry, I was trying not to wake you. I'll go get the others and we can leave soon, okay?"
"Okay," I agreed.
Palmon stayed behind, "So, how are you feeling?"
I smiled, "I'm okay, kinda puzzled, though."
"Why?" she asked, "Anything I can help with?"
"Well, now that you mention it," I began, "I'm trying to think of a good thing to repay Tai with... he risked a lot to save me, you know."
"Yeah..." Palmon replied, "HEY! I KNOW!" she stated, an idea suddenly coming to mind.
"What?" I inquired.
"Hold on a second, I think I can get some in here," she stated, without satisfying my curiosity as she hurried deeper into the cave, coming back within a few minutes, carrying a bundle of plants that most certainly NOT from earth.
"What're those?" I asked.
"Friendship flowers!" she explained, enthusiastically.
"Friendship flowers?" I asked sarcasm thick in my voice.
"Yeah, friendship flowers! The legend goes that if two digimon eat the flowers, they'll be friends for life!" Palmon explained.
"Oh yeah?" I confirmed, "Sounds like something Tai would find amusing, why not?"
"YAY!" Palmon cheered, happy that I liked the idea.
"MAATT!" I heard Mimi's voice, "PALMON! We're leaving, come on!"
"Okay!" I called back, snatching up the big bundle of thick yellow and blue-tipped petals that passed for flowers in the digiworld, and hurried out of the cave to join the others.
Upon coming out of the cave, I was greeted with the sight of... darkness. Whoopee...
"What're those, Matt?" Izzy asked, with his usual tone of curiosity.
I was about to say, when Palmon 'helpfully' spoke up, "They're FRIENDSHIP FLOWERS," she stated, proudly.
It took the entire group of gathered digimon and digidestined about twenty minutes to finish their laugh-fest.
"Are you done yet?" I asked, blushing beyond belief.
"Yeah, I guess." Came a chorus of voices.
"Anyway!" I practically yelled, "I brought them as a thank you. Palmon said that there's some dumb legend about friendship concerning these flowers..." I said sheepishly, laying the flowers down and walking off into the forest without the rest of the group.
I felt dumb, REALLY dumb... *Why had I wanted to give that stupid Tai a gift in the first place?* I walked back to the group who was sitting around, waiting for Tai to eat one. Apparently, Palmon had explained the legend.
"Are you sure it's safe to eat?" Tai asked.
"Positive," Palmon stated.
"Okay, then," Tai took a bite. He chewed it a few times and swallowed.
The entire gathered group leaned forward to hear Tai's opinion.
"IT'S GOOD!" Tai yelled, happily, with a decibal level high enough to blow the group back a few meters.
Mimi was the first to recover, "Well?" she asked him.
Tai looked at himself thoughtfully, "I don't FEEL any different..."
Mimi snatched up a petal, "Oh, I want one!" she chomped the thick petal in less than a minute.
"Hey!" Tai protested.
I walked into the clearing, "Well, what do you think of my gift NOW?" I asked, throwing in Tai's face the idea that he enjoyed the flowers' taste.
Before he could answer though, I was greeted with a very odd reaction, "WOW! THESE ARE GREAT!" Mimi called, glomping me thoroughly.
"Uh, sure..." I blushed.
"Izzy, Sora, you HAVE to try these!" Mimi yelled happily.
Izzy and Sora exchanged glances warily, but their curiosity got the better of them. Each picked up a petal and proceeded to eat it.
"ELECTRO HAMMER!" KABOOM! Again with the evil digimon, he's kind of ruining our plot progression...
Anyway, twenty minutes, three digivolutions, and a group split up later....
I had ended up still holding the stupid flowers...
"Matt?" TK asked from beside me, "Can I have a flower, too?" He looked up at me innocently.
*How do you resist a seven-year-old THAT cute?* "Sure," I told him, handing him a petal.
"Matt, Matt, I want one too!" Gabumon asked from behind TK. I frowned and went about handing Gabumon a petal as well.
In the time span of about five minutes, I handed a flower petal to TK, Gabumon, Patamon, Kari, Gatomon, and Joe. (In that order! ^_~)
It was then that I realized there was something slightly suspicious with these so-called "friendship flowers." (dramatic music plays)
"YAMA-SAMA!" Kari called, glomping me with a force equal to a Mack Truck.
"KYAA!" I 'said calmly'.
"Oh, Yama-sama, let's run away together, that brother of mine will never notice we're gone... come on, come on, PLEASE!" she looked up with the sexiest pose an eight-year-old can muster. (Which isn't much by the way)
"Uh... no," I said. Once again, 'calmly' removing Kari from my body.
Kari landed with a thud, "Yama-sama, you mean you don't want to?"
TK looked at Kari with complete and utter disbelief, "KARI! HOW COULD YOU!"
Kari looked at TK with passing interest, "What?"
"YAMATO IS MINE!" TK called.
"WHAT?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!" I gaped at my younger brother, "Yamato is your WHAT?"
"TK, leave Matt alone, incest is just wrong!" Gabumon spoke up, "he much more prefers me to any of you humans!"
I jumped away from the striped digimon with complete shock, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! (and digimon?)"
Joe sidled up to me, "Nothing, Matt, we're all friends here, don't be so jumpy," he put his hand my shoulder.
I sighed with relief, "Finally, a sane person," or at least I thought so, before Joe's hand began to creep somewhere I didn't want it to go, "KYAAA!!!" I 'said calmly', "DON'T GO THERE!"
I grabbed Gomamon, "Okay, you, you're my ticket out of here, keep them busy!"
Gomamon shrugged, "okay..."
I bolted, "PATAMON, LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!"
Running blindly, I ran right into... Sora and Mimi.
"YAMA-SAMA!!!!!!!!" They screeched, happily.
In about two minutes I was tied and gagged to a bedpost that had randomly appeared like everything else that we found in the digiworld.
"Ret me Goooo!" I mumbled through the gag.
I was no longer with a shirt or jeans.... Damn communist heathens... it was getting drafty.
"EY! Dn't touch tere!" I gaped.
"Yama-sama..." one of them crooned.
"Wut?" I mumbled.
"Who do you like better?" Mimi asked.
"Me?" Sora asked.
"...or me?" Mimi finished.
"Uuhh....?" I uttered.
"NO! NO! Oooo! I know! I know!" Came a voice from the dark forest, "I know who he likes better!"
The two girls turned their heads from my half-nude body.
"ITS ME!" Izzy came plowing through the trees.
"NO WAY!" Mimi yelled, "I SAW HIM FIRST!"
"I SAY WE FIGHT FOR HIM!" Sora called, "Name your game!"
"GO FISH!" Mimi called.
"NO! Solitaire!" Izzy yelled, "On the computer!"
"Are you nuts?" Sora asked, "You'll rig the game... besides, it's a one-person game. I say SOCCER!"
"SOCCER!?" Mimi and Izzy yelled in shock at once.
"YEAH, SOCCER!" Sora yelled back, "GOT A PROBLEM WITH SOCCER?"
"HELL YEAH!" Mimi screeched.
From nowhere, Izzy displayed one rather large rapier, "DRAW!"
In turn, Mimi and Sora both brandished their own swords. *Where DID they get those?*
Izzy threw the first blow, but Mimi blocked... HEY THAT WAS MY SHIRT SHE USED!
I figured I use the opportunity, regardless, I squirmed and writhed my way from the 'loose' ropes. Hah, I was free, grabbing the remains of my shirt and jeans I bolted for the forest, the sound of sword-fighting getting more and more distant with each step.
I wonder when those stupid flowers wear off...
I found a cave, probably the same one we used as camp, I decided hiding was probably a good idea. I thought about the fact that there just might be evil digimon lurking inside. But then, when I considered what awaited me OUTSIDE the cave, I decided to take my chances with the evil digimon...
"OH LOOK A DIGIDESTINED! HE'S SO CUTE!" came an evil digmon's voice.
I pulled out a hand grenade and pulled the pin, throwing it square in the annoying digimon's face.
Clambering into the cave, I brushed together a small bed of straw. This sucked. But it was bettered than BEING sucked... I guess. Lying down, my exhaustion got the better of me.
Hmmm? What's that... eh... There's not SUPPOSED to be a hand there... "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" my situation hit me...
A hand was quickly cupped to my mouth, silencing me, "Ssssh... Yama-sama, not so loud, the others will hear and ruin our fun..." came Sora's way-too-seductive voice.
"AY WAANT THMMM TOO EAR MEEE!" I screamed through covered lips. I was completely and utterly nude now... Sora had wasted NO time... Help...
"Ssssh..." she repeated, continuing her roaming of my body with her hands.
I squirmed a bit, finally giving up on that idea, and finally, bit down hard on the red haired girl's hand.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHH!" she yelped, momentarily releasing me.
It was enough, I bolted out from the cave, completely and utterly and STILL fully nude. Not really having any other options, I went on about my running. And running. And hiding. And ducking the others. Finally, I was once again out of energy, and it was too dark to see anymore.
"YAMA-SAMA!" "MATT!" "NII-CHAN!" "BLONDIE!" "SEXY" "STUD" "HEY MATTY!" I could still hear the entire woods filled with cat calls that were obviously directed at me, "MIMI!" except that one...
"MATT!" I heard Gabumon. SHIT! He was incredibly close. I crouched against a tree and hoped the darkness would hide me. I'm too afraid to guess what would happen if he found me naked...
Naked? Hmmmm.... Gabumon.... Fur... Naked... Problem solved. ^_~
"ACK! MATT PUT DOWN THAT BASEBALL BAT!" WHACK!
Clothing problem solved! I now sported a striped loincloth. I was a regular blonde, stylish Tarzan. Which led me to another idea, trees around here aren't THAT hard to climb...
GLOMP! The sound was getting familiar nowadays... "YAMA-SAMA!" Mimi cried enthusiastically, even though she sounded beat...
She was holding a rapier with a bloody blue helmet on the end, and in her other hand, she toted a busted computer... poor Izzy.
*What am I saying? POOR ME!!!* "Mimi, let me go!"
"But I fought hard for you, I won the sword fight!" She pleaded.
As scared, tired, fed up, and sick of this as I was, I was still shocked when I found out SHE won the sword fight, "Huh?" I asked, before 'calmly' calling for help. (In other words, screamed liked a baby for my mommy)
My loincloth was in danger, and I refused to wear pink, so I made sure to keep it intact while escaping from the crazed girl, "BUT MATT! I'M YOU'RE BIGGEST FAN!"
"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! YOU'RE ALL NUTS!!!!" I ran once again, this time not very far before tripping over a short bundle of green.
"NII-CHAN! I WAS SOOOOOO WORRIED ABOUT YOU!" he hugged me ferverently, just as he always had, but this time, I knew better, I pushed the young boy away from me a bit and kept him where I could see him.
Which worked perfectly to my advantage, because this time I could SEE it perfectly well, when he managed to overpower my exhausted body and force his tongue into my mouth.
"HOW COULD YOU, MATT?" Gabumon yelled, "I THOUGHT WE'D ALWAYS BE TOGETHER! OH, MY LIFE IS OVER!"
"YAMA-CHAN!" Joe, this time, "You mean, you didn't feel anything between us?!"
"HIIIIIIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" was the thunder of Mimi's voice as she viciously attacked TK with all the ferocity of saber-toothed leomon!
The poor boy never saw what him, and the others never saw me leave as I dashed for the nearest tree and shimmied up at an alarming rate that could only be adrenaline fueled.
"Nice butt..." I heard Kari's voice say as I remembered the loincloth I wore... sweatdrop.
I climbed to the highest point that could possibly hold my weight and I hoped that no one would follow me, jumping wasn't the most desirable idea right now, but if they climbed the tree....
It looked as if I was going to find out...
"YAMA-SAMA, I'M COMING!" "DON'T WORRY MATT, HELP IS ON THE WAY!"
Jumping really did seem like a nice idea about now....
I jumped. Plummeting actually wasn't so bad... it was the landing part that worried me... oh well. I always KNEW I'd die in the digiworld... the ground was getting closer...
"PATAMON SHINKA! ANGEMON!"
"GATOMON SHINKA! ANGEWOMON!"
And suddenly a pair of winged figures was clutching me, each had one arm...
"HE'S MINE!" came Angemon's deep voice.
"NO, HE'S MINE YOU BASTARD!" came the seraph, Angewomon's, voice.
"BITCH!" Angemon pulled hard.
"SHITHEAD!" Angewomon cursed as she tugged.
"I'm gonna die...." I whimpered.
The two angels pulled tight and finally one's grip was lost and I went sailing to Gennai-knows-where.... THUD!
"Oww..." I looked up, "Cave..." I scrambled inside and here I am, waiting patiently for the effect of the flowers to wear off, or for my death... either one would be welcome.
This sucks... this sucks... this sucks... this sucks... this sucks...
"Bored?" rang a familiar voice.
"Oh no...!" I moaned.
"What's wrong, Matt?" Tai asked from the side of the cave.
"Tai, if get anywhere near me, I'll be forced to kill you."
Tai laughed, "Geez, Matt, what's got you all worked up?"
"Don't try to tell me those flowers didn't work on you..." I warned.
"What do you mean, those stupid friendship flowers?" Tai asked.
"You mean you don't know about what's been happening all this time?" I asked incredulously.
Tai shook his head, "Nope."
I explained in no lack of detail my night and how the friendship flowers were a bit more potent than I thought they'd be.
Tai blinked a couple times, "Well, at least now I don't have to ask you why you're wearing Gabumon's fur as a loincloth..."
I blushed, but instantly straightened up, "But why don't the flowers work on you?" (the only person it would have been so bad if they had...)
"Well... I guess it could be because I already loved you."
Shock. Blink. Basic function shut down. Engage mouth, "WHAT!?!?!?!?" Blush activated.
Tai blushed a bit, "What's wrong Matt?"
"I... I... I never... I guess I.... Uh... when did..." I just continued to stutter.
Tai leaned forward, his finger wagging in my direction, "Don't be so shocked..." Tai pulled me into a deep kiss, "You're cute..."
Blush. Blink. Faint.
"So, what are we gonna do about the others?"
THE END! Or is it?
Well, what did ya think!? This is my first and probably ONLY Taito... I just wanted to do a humor fic and Taito just worked into the original idea so well it was scary! I hope no one gets offended... blah blah blah.... If you are, then tough! Flames are welcome! I'd like to see you stand up against Ruaki, Ashi-sama, and every other Taito nut out there! BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIii-TA!
But for those of you that WEREN'T offended, please send me some feedback! I hardly ever get letters! I feel so out of the fanfiction loop and I run the fanfic page! ::sniffle:: But anyway:
Send me mail at:UkyoLuvr@aol.com